My Little Teelo
by Ardwolf
Summary: Usually Human-Goes-To-Equestria stories involve bronies. What if instead the human involved is just outside the target demographic but violently allergic to rainbows and singing equines of a distinctly dazzling hue?
1. A Night Unlike Any Other

Usually 'human goes to Equestria' stories involve _bronies_. What if instead the person involved is just outside the target demographic but violently allergic to rainbows and singing equines of a distinctly dazzling hue?

This takes place just after the episode "Family Appreciation Day".

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own and did not create _My Little Ponies: Friendship is Magic_. It belongs to the Hub cable TV network and Hasbro. My congratulations to Lauren Faust for taking what would have been nothing more than a blatant toy commercial and turning it into a truly epic series worth viewing by all ages.

I didn't write this story for profit. It is merely intended to entertain any reader who stumbles upon it. I hope my poor attempt has some merit in the eyes of those who read it, and if not, well at least I tried. :)

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I'd like to thank GoldenGriffiness for being my beta-reader. As always, her input was critically important for improving the quality of the story. And of course, any remaining errors are, alas, mine and mine alone.

Thanks go out to TLOSpyroGirl for providing the inspiration (and title) of this story.

However, **Teelo is _not_ TLOSpyroGirl**, but an OC entirely of my own creation! Any resemblance between them is completely accidental and certainly not me poking gentle fun at a fellow writer…

I wish to apologize to fan fiction author LM (aka Lady Moondancer) for borrowing her character Pinstripe Tock from _Canterlot Follies._ But I desperately needed a concierge for Canterlot Castle and he is simply _perfect _for the job.

If you haven't tried LM's fiction may I heartily recommend _Justice League Ponyland_, perhaps the single finest story on this site? It was the one that opened my eyes to just exactly how awesome My Little Ponies could truly be. May I also recommend _Canterlot Follies_ an absolutely _spiffing_ read, what?

Finally, I took the liberty of incorporating places mentioned on a map of Equestria created by Hlissner over on Deviant Art. It really is an amazing piece of artwork. It's hosted on Equestria Daily and is the first entry on Google for "Map of Equestria" if you're curious.

Oh, and Laoise is pronounced LEE-sha. Gotta love Gaelic…

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><p>Chapter 1 – A Night Unlike Any Other<p>

Teagan yawned as she bent herself backward, arms overhead, to ease the stiffness in her shoulders and back. Glancing at the clock she yelped in dismay. It was almost 2 o'clock in the morning! She'd promised her parents to go to bed by midnight. If she was still up when they got home she'd be grounded for sure, even though it was Friday night—well, Saturday morning.

Hastily typing a good-bye to her forum friends she hit the power button on her computer. Even as the machine was obediently powering down she was out of her chair and running for the bathroom. She reached for the toothbrush with one hand and the toothpaste with the other.

Brushing furiously she stared at her reflection in the mirror, despairing over the stereotypical Irish face staring back at her. Long red hair framed a pale freckled face with bright green eyes and a nose that could break mountains.

She had to admit she liked her eyes, but the freckles—_arghhh_. And the less said about her nose the better for the health of all concerned.

It didn't help that her parents had gone overboard in celebrating their Irish ancestry when they named her either. It would be one thing if they lived in Ireland, but they lived in _Kansas_ for heaven's sake!

Growling in frustration at the earliest in a long line of indignities inflicted on her she raced back to her room. She turned off the lights and changed into her pajamas in the dark, just in case her parents were driving down the street.

_Teagan Laoise O'Gara. What kind of name is that to saddle a fifteen year-old with? And they wonder why I demand to be called Teelo. Geez, how clueless can you get? What makes it worse is that Laoise isn't even spelled anything like it's pronounced!_

She settled grumpily into the bed's cold embrace, snuggling into the mass of blankets, thankful her PJ's were made of thick flannel to chase away the chill air of her room.

_That's another thing. I know everybody's worried about the economy but couldn't they afford to turn the thermostat up past 65? Makes me freeze every night until the bed **finally** warms up!_

She yawned again, starting to slip into sleep as her body heat slowly permeated the cocoon of bed linens.

That's when the voice whispered in her ear.

"Oh my, my, my, Teagan, you are _such_ a spoiled little brat, aren't you?"

Teagan tried to scream and scramble away from the voice but she was completely paralyzed. Fear crawled through her like a worm, knotting her stomach, drying her mouth and closing up her throat until she could barely breathe. But she just lay there, unable to move, unable to do anything except listen to the horribly cheerful voice as it continued remorselessly.

"Did you actually say your parents _saddled _you with your name, my dear? How delightfully apropos! Personally, I rather like your name, especially your middle one." There was a good natured chuckle that turned her blood to ice.

"Yes, I think you'll do. I think you'll do _nicely_. And now you need to go to sleep, my pretty little girl. When you wake up you're going to meet my little friends, yes you are. And then we're going to have so much _fun…_"

She wouldn't have believed it could get any worse, but of course the universe punishes those kinds of thoughts. She couldn't even whimper as her blankets were pulled part way down and something soft and fuzzy was pushed over her limp, unresisting hands.

She wanted to scream, she _needed_ to scream, but her body wouldn't obey her, it was as though she were drugged. As much as she tried to struggle her body was a traitor, refusing to move.

The blankets were rearranged to their original position and the voice chuckled again. Then to her horror she felt a hand caress her face, pushing her hair back over her ear. She hadn't believed she could get any more scared, but there was something _wrong_ with that hand, the fingers were too skinny and the skin was rough and scratchy. It made her think of scales. The hand caressed her again and she couldn't even shudder as she felt the tips of sharp claws trail over her, scratching the skin from the corner of her eye down her face and over her neck, finally coming to rest lightly clutching her throat. She could feel the pinpricks of the claw tips. She wondered if she were bleeding. She couldn't tell, she thought you were supposed to be able to tell…

"You're such a _treat_, my dear. Your fear is so delicious! Isn't it _exciting_, not knowing what's going to happen next? Doesn't it just make you feel so _alive?_ Spontaneity, my dear! Chaos running like ice through your veins! Anything is possible, _nothing_ is forbidden!"

She felt the bed shift as the intruder got off. He was leaving! Thank God!

That's why his voice, whispered directly in her ear, was the shock that pushed her past terror into that calm place on the other side, where the fear is so great you just wait for the inevitable, like the proverbial rabbit staring into the eyes of the snake.

"Go to sleep, little human. You're about to experience the ultimate impossibility. When you wake up nothing will ever be the same again."

Teagan felt herself falling into blackness even as she desperately tried to stay wake.


	2. The Morning After

Chapter 2 – The Morning After

Teagan woke shivering, curled into a tight ball. Bright light was shining in her face and the blankets were tangled over her hands. Groggily she untangled her hands and sat up, blinking.

And then bit back a scream as fear knifed through her.

She wasn't in her bedroom! She didn't have any blankets, what she thought were blankets turned out to be her bunny slippers that had somehow ended up on her hands. _That's _when she remembered the night before.

That voice, that horrible, cheerful voice that kept saying the most terrifying things to her…

And that _hand_. Teagan shuddered violently as she remembered the sharp points touching her throat.

Looking around she tried to discover where she was.

She was lying on the ground with only a layer of pine needles for a mattress. Around her were trees, lots and lots of trees. That was scary all by itself because Kansas was rather noted for its _lack_ of trees. This didn't look like any of the little parks she'd ever played in either. This looked more like something from the dawn of time. Big trees, lots with moss covered trunks, and most growing close enough together to block out the light under them.

The sun wasn't above the trees yet so she assumed it was morning, especially considering how chilly it was. She frowned, belatedly realizing it wasn't cold _enough_; she should have been freezing to death. Instead she was just shivering.

That made no sense! It was the middle of January in Kansas. It had gotten below freezing last night!

She was still dressed in her pajamas, and somehow she had her bunny slippers with her. Shivering she put them on and stood up, trying not to think about the fact she'd been abducted. She thanked her lucky stars all he'd done was dump her in a forest. She resolutely refused to think about what else he could have done while she was unconscious.

For whatever reason he hadn't and she was fine. He hadn't even tied her up, just left her here. Well, she wasn't sticking around! Who knew what that maniac might do next? Not to mention that she _never_ wanted to see what he really looked like! Her imagination had already painted all too graphic an image—that of a snake man with pointed teeth and needle sharp claws.

She shuddered again when she remembered he'd actually _touched _her.

Looking around she tried to see if there was a trail. To her dismay there wasn't.

"So which way do I go?" She asked herself aloud. "Everything looks the same. Why did that maniac kidnap me if he was just going to dump me somewhere? He could at least have left me a map, the creep!"

Fuming made her forget how terrified she'd been. Deciding the trees looked a little thinner in one particular direction she set off.

The forest was overgrown in a lot of places, making her constantly detour around bushes. She was careful about branches and thorns since she didn't want her relatively flimsy pajamas shredded. She was already cold enough, torn PJs would just add to her misery.

She walked for a good half hour without seeing anyone or coming across a trail. The forest was alive with sound, the sighing of leaves in the wind, birds singing, insects buzzing and crickets chirring. But she seldom saw any animals, only the occasional squirrel scurrying furtively up a tree.

After a while she began to relax and enjoy the forced hike. She was warmer now, the exercise plus the rising temperature had seen to that.

Her good mood was abruptly shattered by the sight that greeted her as she walked into a clearing.

A _huge_ beast was lying in the middle of the clearing, busily devouring its kill.

The thing spotted her and immediately growled, a bass rumble that reminded her of an idling semi-truck. She froze as it rose to its feet, its eyes level with her own, meaning it was over five feet tall!

Feeling detached and eerily calm in this crisis she noted the beast had been eating a full grown deer. Most of the carcass was nothing but bloody bones, only the front quarters of the deer remained. The beast, a massive lion-like creature placed one paw on the remains of its kill, white claws unsheathing silently, just like those of a house cat, only much, _much_ bigger.

It looked like a lion, with a light brown pelt and huge red mane. To Teagan's shock it spread red bat-like wings, making it look even more fearsome. The red scorpion tail that curled over its back and began waving slowly back and forth was just one more detail that her strangely clear mind calmly noted.

Then it roared at her, a blast of sound that snapped her out of whatever weird mindset she was in. It glared at her, and the message couldn't have been clearer if it had spoken English.

_Go away. Mine!_

She backed slowly and carefully out of the clearing, keeping eye contact with the lion-scorpion thing as she did so.

_Never run_, her father's voice repeated the lesson in her mind. _If you run it will chase you, that's what predators do. Calmly back away and make no threatening moves, pumpkin. When it loses interest get out of sight, and once you're out of sight **then** run away as fast as you can. But don't run while it can still see you. And don't ever scream._

The lion-thing watched her back away. Still watching her, the thing folded its wings and let its tail uncurl. When she'd backed completely out of the clearing it lay back down and resumed feeding.

She backed away until she couldn't see the beast any more, then turned and walked as quickly and calmly as she could back the way she'd come. After a couple of minutes she looked around and seeing no sign of the creature burst into a sprint, praying it wasn't about to pounce on her.

She ran until her lungs were on fire, until the pain in her side literally made her fall down. A single thought echoed in her head over and over.

_Lions live in prides. Do lion-scorpions?_

Gasping desperately for air she got up and staggered over to a tree so she'd have something to guard her back. She collapsed against it, tears trickling down her face.

She started sobbing, pulling her knees against her chest and her head on her knees.

"It's not _fair! _Why did he have to kidnap _me_? What did I ever do to deserve this? Why did he just abandon me here? None of it makes any _sense!"_ She started crying harder, the sobs rocking her and making it even harder to breathe because she was still panting from her panicked marathon sprint.

The horror finally proved too much for the girl. She broke down completely and began wailing like a damned soul, rocking back and for gripping her knees as hard as she could.

"Oh my! What's the matter? Are you hurt?" A kindly female voice asked urgently, breaking through her misery.

She jerked her head up frantically; terrified another monster had crept up on her unawares. She cursed herself for being so stupid.

But the curse died halfway to her lips as it finally dawned on her what she was looking at. And _hearing_—it had spoken English!

"You have got to be kidding me." Teagan said in disbelief, this final shock restoring a limited measure of self-control.


	3. Never Met A Friend Like Me

Chapter 3 – Never Met A Friend Like Me

"I'm terribly sorry for bothering you, but it sounds like you're in trouble. Can I help?" The pony asked politely. It was fairly small, about three feet at the shoulder, or whithers, or whatever they called it, with her neck held almost straight up, adding another foot to her height.

Teagan stared at the pony, taking in every last impossible detail. The emotional whiplash from being terrorized, abducted, almost eaten, running herself to exhaustion, and now _this_—it was just too much.

"Do lion-scorpions live in prides?" She found herself asking, ignoring for now the fact she was speaking to a _pony_ of all things.

"Lion—oh, you mean manticores!" The pony said, brightening. "No, they're solitary creatures. The only time you'll meet more than one is if it's a pair raising a cub."

"That's very good to know." Teagan said, oddly grateful. She studied the vividly colored creature, noting with surprise the pony actually had _wings_.

"You're a pegasus aren't you?" Teagan asked, starting to feel detached and floaty, like this was all a dream.

"Why yes. My name's Fluttershy." The pony introduced herself, bobbing her head. Teagan's mind rebelled. She found herself compelled to catalog the pony's many impossibilities.

Starting with the fact she spoke English. Not something you normally found in the run-of-the-mill pony. Oh, and there were the wings, of course.

Then there was her color, a cheerful lemon yellow. Teagan was fully prepared to admit she didn't know enough about horses to rule out the possibility of a yellow one. It didn't seem likely, but she couldn't say it was impossible.

But Fluttershy's mane and tail were _pink_ and that was definitely a horse of a different color.

Not to mention the pony was balancing a wicker basket on her back, in much the same way some women balanced baskets on their heads…

Fluttershy shuffled nervously, turning slightly to the side. That's when Teagan saw Fluttershy's flank. She sighed.

"Aaannnddd that's a cutie mark, isn't it?" Teagan asked in the tone of one asking if that was a massive waterfall their boat was plunging toward.

"Why, yes, of course." Fluttershy eyed Teagan curiously. "Mine means I can talk to animals. It's very helpful when I have to treat their injuries."

"Ok, just to make absolutely _sure_—I'm in Equestria, aren't I?" The flat tone wasn't really a question.

"Well, technically you're in the Everfree Forest." Fluttershy replied. "Princess Celestia's realm doesn't include the forest. But the border of Equestria is only a few minutes from here."

"A princess. Perfect." Teagan said tiredly. "Let me guess. Big white unicorn, right?"

"She's actually an alicorn." Fluttershy corrected gently. "A unicorn with wings. Oh, and she has the most lovely magical mane and tail that flow with all the colors of the rainbow."

"Of course she does." Teagan nodded wearily. "Fluttershy, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." Fluttershy smiled.

_Chalk up another thing ponies aren't supposed to be able to do_, Teagan thought to herself.

"I'm in really, _really_ bad trouble. Could you help me, please?"

"Are you injured?" Fluttershy asked in concern. "Is that why you were crying? Can you show me where it hurts?"

"No, I'm not hurt." Teagan shook her head. "I'm scared and I'm hungry and I'm lost and something horrible kidnapped me and brought me here and I want to go home, and my mom and dad are going to be out of their minds with worry because they don't know where I am."

Fluttershy's expression instantly became sympathetic.

"Oh you poor thing! Why don't you come home with me? I can fix you something to eat and give you a safe place to sleep, at least. I'll ask Twilight to contact the Princess for you. I'm sure the Princess can get you home."

"I'd really like that." Teagan smiled at the yellow and pink pegasus. With some difficulty she used the tree to leverage herself upright, still feeling the effects of her escape from the manticore.

"You poor dear, you look exhausted." Fluttershy said in a worried voice. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I can't remember ever being this tired before." Teagan admitted. "Running away from that manticore really took it out of me."

"You outran a _manticore?_" Fluttershy asked in shock. "You must be very fast! Anypony can outrun them over a long run, of course, but a hungry manticore can run faster than an earth pony or a unicorn—at least for a hundred yards. They're clumsy fliers though, a pegasus can easily out fly them."

"Really?" Teagan asked, her heart suddenly racing again. "I guess I really was lucky then. This particular manticore had killed a deer and was still eating it. It roared at me to scare me away from its kill. I backed away and didn't run till I was out of sight."

"That was a smart thing to do." Fluttershy said, nodding. Then she craned her head back as she took in Teagan's full height of five feet two inches.

"My, you're very _large_, aren't you?" Fluttershy asked nervously, taking a step back. "I can see why the manticore was worried."

"The _manticore_ was worried? About _me?_" Teagan asked in disbelief. "I'm tiny! I only weight 95 pounds! That thing scared the bezeesus out of me! Especially when it spread its wings!"

"It spread its wings?" Fluttershy asked. "That means it was trying to make itself look bigger because it felt threatened."

"Threatened? By me?" Teagan snorted. "That thing could have killed me with one swipe of its paw! That's why I ran so hard."

"Well, you see—um, you haven't told me your name." Fluttershy said apologetically.

"Oh! I'm Teelo." Teagan answered in embarrassment. "Sorry about that. It's been a really long day."

"Well, Teelo, you see a manticore is very smart, but they aren't smart like you or me. They depend on instinct more than we do. When it saw something as tall as it was it saw a potential threat. That's why it spread its wings, so it would look bigger than you."

"Weird." Teagan commented. Then she staggered and caught herself on the tree.

"Is your house a long way, Fluttershy? I'm so tired I won't be able to make it far. Especially wearing just bunny slippers. I'm amazed they stayed on my feet the way I was running."

"It's about a fifteen minute walk." Fluttershy said, looking at Teagan's feet. "Those are really cute! They look like something Rarity would wear."

"Who's Rarity?" Teagan asked as she and Fluttershy started walking out of the forest.

"She's my best friend." Fluttershy said. "She's a unicorn, and she runs the dress shop in Ponyville."

"Ponyville. Right." Teagan knew barely enough about My Little Pony to recognize the name of the town. She nearly bit her tongue to keep from making a mocking comment. She was in such deep trouble right now she didn't want to offend Fluttershy.

After all, Fluttershy was the first creature in this crazy place to offer Teagan any kindness and right now Teagan would be willing to kiss Fluttershy's hooves in gratitude if the pony asked her to.

"You're lucky I ran into you." Fluttershy commented a few minutes later as they finally cleared the trees. In the distance Teagan could see a small village. "I don't normally go into the forest. It's a very dangerous place you know. I only go in when I need to restock my supply of healing herbs."

"Thank God you were there, Fluttershy." Teagan said honestly. "I could have died if it wasn't for you."

"Oh, well, um, I'm sure it wouldn't have come to that." Fluttershy mumbled, embarrassed. "You were headed the right way to get out of the forest. All you had to do was keep on walking. Who's God, by the way?"

Teagan stared at the pony, who stared back in mild inquiry.

"You don't know who God is?" Teagan asked, dumbfounded.

"No, I've never met her." Fluttershy answered.

"Um, God is the creator of the universe." Teagan replied, completely at sea. "He made people, and planets, and well, _everything_."

"Oh. Everything? Really?" Fluttershy blinked. "In Equestria, Princess Celestia created all of pony kind, and she rules the land and raises the sun."

Fluttershy tilted her head. "What are people, Teelo? Are you a people?"

"Um, yeah. Kind of. People is plural for person. I'm a person, a human."

"A human." Fluttershy smiled. "I've never met a human before. It's nice to know you."

"Uh, likewise." Teagan said, taken off guard. She decided to hold off on any more philosophical discussion because it looked like they had reached Fluttershy's home.

"You live in a tree?" Teagan asked, taking it all in. There was a _lot_ to absorb.

"Oh no." Fluttershy giggled. "My roof is made of living plants, but my house isn't a tree. My friend Twilight Sparkle does live in a tree, though. It's really the Ponyville Library, but she and Spike actually do live there."

"Spike's a dragon, right?" Teagan asked, dredging up a random fact she'd heard mentioned on the forum. She was distracted by the sight of a veritable army of _rabbits_ lining up on one side of Fluttershy's home. In front of the massed ranks stood a single bunny, which seemed to be glaring at her.

The silence alerted her to her mistake.

"You know Spike?" Fluttershy asked slowly. "How can you know Spike and not know Twilight? For that matter how can you know Spike and not know about Princess Celestia?"

Fluttershy was staring at her, looking troubled. Teagan looked from Fluttershy to the rabbit, who was tapping his foot impatiently, his arms crossed on his chest.

_How can a rabbit do that?_ Her mind skittered away from the very real trouble she was suddenly in to deal with trivia.

_Must be the exhaustion_, she thought.

"Teelo?" Fluttershy asked again, looking a little frightened now.

There was a sudden thumping noise, like rapid drumming. Then silence.

Looking around Teagan noticed the mass of rabbits was now staring at her coldly, their eyes fixed steadily on her. Birds had emerged from the plethora of bird houses that dotted the trees surrounding Fluttershy's home. They too stared at her, not singing, just staring.

From the grass between the trees emerged a dozen creatures Teagan belatedly recognized as ferrets and their stares joined those of the rabbits and the birds. But with the ferrets she could also see their _teeth_…

She was the focus of every eye—and every tensed body behind those eyes.

Teagan turned back to Fluttershy, unable to stand the hostile scrutiny of the animals. But it was Fluttershy's green eyes that truly defeated the girl. Eyes the same shade as Teagan's own. Eyes that showed the same fear as Teagan's own. Eyes that held the same question as Teagan's own.

_Are you going to hurt me?_

Teagan sank to her knees and bowed her head, unable to take anymore. The only creature to show her kindness was afraid of her now. She didn't know what to do, everything was so complicated and she was so _tired._

A wave of dizziness hit her and she fell over. She never even felt herself hit the ground.


	4. The Girl Who Knew Too Much

Chapter 4 – The Girl Who Knew Too Much

Teagan turned over, luxuriating in the warmth of the bed, the softness of the blankets covering her, and the absolute feeling of contentment that filled every corner of her existence. Today was Saturday so she could sleep in with nothing to disturb her for as long as she—

A heavy weight landed on her upturned hip and _bounced _several times.

"What in the—" Her eyes flew open and she uncurled enough to peer blearily out of her blankets down the length of her body.

A white rabbit was sitting on her, face screwed up in a scowl. He was glaring at her hatefully, ears laid back.

"I don't have a pet rabbit…" She said sleepily, trying to figure out what was going on. She glanced around, wanting to see what time it was.

That's when her memories came rushing back and the shock brought her wide awake. She sat bolt upright in bed, the sudden movement dislodging the rabbit, which growled in irritation but hopped off the bed and onto the floor, scurrying out of the room.

It was a strange bedroom, one she'd never seen before. Feeling a draft she looked down at herself. That's when she discovered she wasn't wearing her pajamas anymore. Or _anything else_.

Her shriek brought the sound of pounding hooves on stairs. Fluttershy burst into the room, followed by a couple of other ponies.

They found Teagan buried in the blankets, her bright red face the only part of her visible, peering out of the covers like a turtle pulled back into its shell.

"Teelo, what's the matter?" Fluttershy asked urgently, realizing that her houseguest was in extreme distress.

"Where are my _clothes?_" Teagan asked fearfully. "What did you do with them? Give them back!"

"Oh, is that all?" Fluttershy asked, relieved. "They got stained in the forest so I washed them for you and hung them up to dry. They should be dry in a couple of hours but since it's nice and sunny today you should let them hang on the line most of the day. It'll make them smell wonderful the next time you need to put them on."

"I can't do that!" Teagan exclaimed, horrified. "I need my clothes!"

"Oh no, Rainbow Dash tells me it's going to be warm today so you won't need them. Come on down to breakfast, my friends would like to meet you."

"No! I can't go around _naked!_" Teagan protested, clutching her blankets more tightly.

"Why not?" A blue pegasus with a rainbow stripes in her mane and tail asked, clearly bewildered. "Weather control's scheduled nothing but beautiful warm days for the next week. You don't have any fancy parties to go to do you? So what do you need clothes for?"

Teagan stared at the blue pegasus, mouth hanging open.

"Wait, is this a religious duty?" A purple unicorn with dark mane and tail with a purple and red stripe asked.

"Huh? Religious what?" The blue pegasus asked. "What's religious mean?"

"Some creatures serve supernatural beings of great power, and those beings require their servants to perform or refrain from performing specific actions." The purple unicorn explained. "It's sort of like Princess Celestia's guard ponies. You know how they don't react to _anything_? It's kind of like that."

"So, you serve, um, what did you call him, God?" Fluttershy asked Teagan.

"Yeah…I guess you could say that. Wearing clothes all the time is _really_ _important_."

"_All _the time?" The blue pegasus asked skeptically. "I've worn clothes maybe half a dozen times my whole life. What's so special about wearing clothes?"

"Yeah, _all_ the time." Teagan said firmly. "It's—" She paused when it dawned on her who she was talking to. Ponies had fur. They really _didn't _need clothes, even the parts the fur didn't cover their tails did, so it was like their clothes were built in, so to speak.

"Look, humans don't have fur like ponies do." She tried a different tack. "Clothes are like a replacement for fur. It's not just about keeping warm. Clothes protect your skin from sun damage and cuts and all sorts of things. You don't know about it because you have fur, but I don't. So I need my clothes, ok?"

"Ok." Fluttershy said, downcast. "I'm sorry, I should have asked you first, but you've been unconscious for almost 18 hours now, so I thought—"

"No, you were trying to be nice, and I appreciate that, thank you, Fluttershy. It's just I've been having a _really _bad couple of days and waking up naked scared me. My kidnapper didn't leave me a whole lot, so losing any of it is a big deal."

"Oh dear." Fluttershy looked down, nervously tracing circles on the floor with one hoof. "Um, I'm afraid I have some bad news, Teelo. I feel really awful about it, but, well…"

"What?" Teagan asked, alarmed.

"It's about your bunny slippers. Um, you see, Angel didn't understand they just _looked_ like bunnies, he thought—" Fluttershy shivered and swallowed, "—he thought they had been made _from _bunnies you see. He got very, very angry."

"What did he do?" Teagan asked, mentally bracing herself for the worst.

"He chewed them to pieces." Fluttershy said, hanging her head. "I'm really, _really_ sorry, I'll have Rarity make you a new pair, and pay for them of course. Angel isn't a _bad _bunny, but he has—views—and he's very stubborn about certain things."

"You know that thing about clothes?" Teagan said somberly. "Well, the thing is, humans don't have hooves like ponies either. Our shoes help protect our feet from rocks and cuts and all that kind of stuff. I can go around barefoot indoors, that's not a problem, but if I go outside I have to be really careful not to hurt my feet. Because I only have two. If I hurt one I'm pretty much lame till it heals."

"That's _terrible_." Fluttershy was on the edge of tears. "I'm so sorry, Teelo. I've been a horrible hostess!"

"Not your fault." Teagan said with a sigh. "You didn't know your rabbit was going to do that. You've been so nice to me it would be rude to get mad about it."

The blue pegasus was looking at something near the foot of Teagan's bed.

"Um, Fluttershy?" She asked with a strange look on her face.

"Yes?" The yellow pegasus asked her friend.

"I thought you said Angel trashed her slippers?" The other pony said in a puzzled voice.

"He did." Fluttershy said. "He was—extremely thorough too. All that was left was a pile of scraps." Fluttershy sighed, looking at the floor. "He just didn't understand."

"Then what are these?" The blue pegasus bent down and picked up something in her mouth.

"My slippers!" Teagan said happily, a wave of relief washing through her.

"But, but, but…I threw away what was left!" Fluttershy stuttered in utter confusion.

The other pegasus sat the slippers on the bed.

"They look brand new." She commented. "Not even dirty or anything."

"Huh? I was in the woods for _hours_. They should be dirty on the bottom at least." Teagan carefully sat up and let one arm snake out of her covers, picking up a slipper and turning it over.

It looked like she'd just brought it home from the store. Not a trace of wear or dirt to be seen.

"That makes no sense!" She exclaimed.

"Can I see it for a minute?" The purple unicorn asked. Teagan nodded and blinked as the other slipper started to glow then floated over to hover in front of the unicorn.

"This slipper is magical." The unicorn said after a few seconds. "Strongly magical."

"But my mom bought them for me for Christmas." Teagan protested. "They can't be magical. There's no such thing as magic!"

Every pony just stared at her, shocked.

"Well, I mean there's no magic where I'm from." Teagan said hastily. "This is too weird for me. I don't understand any of it."

"Fluttershy said you outran a manticore?" The purple unicorn said, obviously willing to ignore Teagan's faux pas.

"Yeah, I ran until it hurt so bad I just fell down." Teagan agreed. "I was _sprinting_ too."

"These slippers are kind of flimsy." The unicorn demonstrated by flexing the slipper back and forth. "There's no way they'd stay on your feet running that hard unless they were enchanted to do so."

"But how?" Teagan said and then paused as a dreadful thought occurred to her.

"I bet _he_ did it!" She said. Her face twisted up in revulsion.

"He who?" The unicorn asked.

"My kidnapper." Teagan spat. "He paralyzed me then acted all freaky and scared the devil out of me, then knocked me out. _He _put those slippers on my hands. I had them when I woke up. The really weird part is he just dumped me in the forest and didn't stick around. It makes no sense!"

The three ponies exchanged troubled glances.

"I'm telling the truth, I swear!" Teagan said, afraid they didn't believe her.

"What did he look like?" The unicorn asked in a serious voice. "Your kidnapper, what did he look like?"

"I never saw him." Teagan admitted. "He stayed behind me the whole time. All I heard was his voice. And he touched me a couple of times. He couldn't have been human though. I felt him get out of bed and then he whispered right in my ear. A normal human couldn't do that. Oh, and his hand was strange."

"What do you mean, strange?" The purple unicorn took a step forward, the slipper dangling in mid air, forgotten. Teagan shivered at the intensity of the look the unicorn was giving her.

"Twilight, you're scaring her." Fluttershy said softly. "It's ok, Teelo. Nobody's going to hurt you."

"What? Oh, sorry." The unicorn apologized. "But this is important. What was strange about his hand?"

"Well, for one thing his fingers were really skinny." Teagan said, thinking back. "It felt like they were covered in scales too. And he had claws, really sharp ones." Teagan shuddered as she remembered those claws pricking her skin.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" The blue pegasus asked grimly.

"I think so. It all fits." Twilight admitted. Fluttershy whimpered.

"You know who it was?" Teagan asked hopefully.

"Maybe. Can you describe his voice?" Twilight asked. She returned the slipper to the bed.

"Oh my God! He was _psychotic_. He was talking about doing horrible things to me, and his voice was so _cheerful_." Teagan trembled. "He was happy about it!"

"What did he threaten to do?" Twilight asked, her voice turning gentle.

"Well, I thought he was going to rape me." Teagan said, shuddering. "He said a lot of stuff, but what really stuck in my head was something about when I woke up I was going to meet his little friends, and then the fun would begin."

"What's rape?" The blue pegasus asked.

Teagan looked at her, stunned. The pegasus looked back blankly, obviously never having heard the word.

"It's one of the worst crimes one person can do to another." Teagan said. "It's horrible, so horrible I don't want to talk about it, ok? If he'd done that it would have destroyed me. Thank God that wasn't what he had in mind."

The three ponies looked at each other uneasily.

"You poor thing. Your suffering was so much worse than I realized!" Fluttershy said, coming forward. "I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do?"

That's when Teagan's body suddenly brought a pressing matter to her attention. She'd been unconscious for _18 hours _Fluttershy had said…

"Oh God. Fluttershy, do you have _anything_ I can use for clothes? Even a towel would work!" Teagan asked urgently.

"A towel? Yes, but…"

"_Please, _Fluttershy!" Teagan said desperately. "I have to go to the _bathroom._ I haven't gone for almost a day!"

"Bathroom? What—oh! You mean the _toilet_." Fluttershy said, her face clearing.

"On it! One towel coming up!" The blue pegasus was suddenly moving in a blur, literally vanishing out the door before Teagan could blink. In less than 15 seconds a burst of wind announced the pegasus's return, a huge folded towel draped over her front legs. She tossed the towel to the gaping Teagan and landed with a smirk.

"Rainbow Dash, fastest pegasus in all of Equestria!" The pony announced proudly. "At your service!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. She was standing behind Rainbow Dash fortunately, so the pegasus didn't see.

"Thank you!" Teagan said gratefully, shaking out the towel. "Oh, this will work fine! Thank you so much!" She started to get out of bed but hesitated.

"Um, all of you _are_ girls, right?" She asked quickly.

"Yeah." Rainbow Dash answered. "Why?"

"Religious duty." Teagan said, using the excuse Twilight had so conveniently provided. Getting out of bed she rapidly draped the huge towel around her. It went around her slender body three times, and fell below her knees.

She debated with herself, but decided to put on her bunny slippers. She hated to do it, knowing who had given them to her, but she needed shoes.

She wouldn't want to go out in public wearing just a towel, or meet any boys in it, but at least she felt dressed enough to meet the rest of Fluttershy's friends.

_After_ certain matters were attended to.

"Where?" Teagan asked Fluttershy, shifting uneasily from foot to foot.

"This way." The yellow pegasus led the girl out of the room and down the stairs to a doorway. Inside was a narrow trough like device about a foot high and three feet long.

"Just pull the handle when you're finished." Fluttershy said, nodding to a large ring on a chain dangling from a tank mounted to the wall. She pulled the door closed behind her as she left. Teagan noted she did it with her _tail_.

She hadn't known pony tails were prehensile…

It took Teagan an anxious thirty seconds to make sure she understood how the trough worked, but she figured it out.

When she rejoined the ponies in the hall she was a lot happier.

And hungry.

"You said something about breakfast?" Teagan asked Fluttershy hopefully.

"Oh yes! Everyone's waiting for us." Fluttershy smiled and trotted into a kitchen. There was an open back door through which Teagan could hear laughter and conversation.

"Twilight, if you can get the eggs I'll get the juice. Rainbow Dash can you carry the hay? Teagan, if you don't mind, grab that stack of plates please?

Teagan grabbed the stack of heavy plates and followed Twilight through the open back door. They came out onto a spacious back porch with a couple of steps down to the yard. In the yard were several picnic tables around one of which were gathered three ponies and what looked like a small purple and green humanoid dragon.

_That must be Spike_, Teagan thought to herself, shivering as she remembered last night—how one careless remark had nearly landed her in a huge mess. If she hadn't fainted…

The conversation died as she and Twilight joined them. Teagan sat the pile of plates on the corner of the table, conscious of being the center of attention.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Teelo. Teelo, these are my friends, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Spike, my assistant."

"Howdy." An orange pony with a yellow mane and tail nodded to her. She was wearing a cowboy hat of all things. "Pleased ta meet cha, Teelo. Always nice ta meet new folks."

"My dear, why are you wearing that towel?" A white unicorn with purple mane and tail asked her, tsking. "It simply _won't_ do without the appropriate accessories! Now where did I put that? I'll just be a moment, dear…"

A set of saddle bags lifted themselves into the air and floated over to Rarity. This time Teagan was paying attention and noticed the glow around Rarity's horn matched the glow around the saddlebags.

Several small objects flew out of the bag and rapidly collected to one side as Rarity went looking for whatever it was she wanted.

"Voilà!" Rarity exclaimed as a green and silver object rose in the air and the other objects disappeared back into the saddlebags, which floated back to their original location and settled to the ground.

"Here we are! A wonderful broach to secure the towel and make sure it doesn't get lost at a socially awkward moment!" Rarity said, smiling, the glittering thing placing itself a comfortable distance from Teagan's face so she could study it.

"It's beautiful!" The girl gasped, admiring the silver broach of a pegasus with spread wings, rearing upright, front legs poised to strike. Several emeralds were cleverly cut and embedded to highlight the pegasus's body and wings. It looked as though each primary feather had been individually carved from emerald.

Rarity smiled, pleased at her reaction. The broach rotated and opened. The front of her towel gently pulled away from her chest and the broach nestled carefully against the cloth, pinning the towel closed. When Rarity's magic released it she could feel how much more secure it was. Now the towel felt like a dress, not something that could fall off if she moved the wrong way.

"Thank you, Rarity. That's so much better." Teagan said gratefully, smiling at the unicorn. "Once my other clothes are dry I'll make sure you get this back. Fluttershy says it should only be a couple of hours."

"Oh, no. Keep it as a welcome gift." The unicorn demurred, smiling.

"I couldn't possibly!" Teagan protested. "This broach must be worth a fortune! The craftsmanship is exquisite, not to mention the emeralds themselves!"

"You really think the work is exquisite_?"_ Rarity sat up straighter, beaming. "Then, my dear, I'll not hear another word. An artiste _lives_ for having her work truly appreciated. I'm glad it found a home with someone who can enjoy it."

"_You _made this? Wow!" Teagan peered down at the broach, and back up at the beaming unicorn.

"Rarity makes lots o' purty thangs." Applejack drawled. "She's right famous fer it. Even in Canterlot, lots of hoity-toity folks wear her dresses an' brag about it."

"Well, one doesn't like to put oneself forward." Rarity said modestly.

"I can see why they would brag." Teagan said sincerely. "If this broach is anything to go by I'll bet those dresses are really something special."

"Oh, Rarity is very gifted." Fluttershy confirmed as she slid the tray of drinks expertly off her forelegs and onto the table.

Teagan couldn't figure out how she'd managed to carry the tray until she noticed Fluttershy's wings were flapping slowly and she was hovering a couple feet off the ground, just high enough to be level with the top of the table. Thing was, her wings were _tiny,_ barely a foot wide each. She shouldn't be able to do what she was doing…

"Hay's here." Rainbow Dash announced, having carried the large platter piled high with—yes, Teagan saw, real hay.

_Of course. Ponies eat hay. And apparently eggs. And drink what, apple juice? No bacon, I guess. No meat—oh. No meat! Do NOT mention meat! _

That was one discussion from the forum she did remember. Ponies were vegetarian, and if she recalled correctly, most animals here were intelligent, and talked.

That meant—Teagan paled as the implications sank home.

"You ok?" Pinkie Pie asked, peering at her. The pink bodied pony had a frizzy main and tail, of darker pink. Teagan vaguely remembered she was supposed to be a bit crazy, something about cupcakes…

"Fluttershy, a lot of different animals in Equestria talk, don't they? Not just ponies?" Teagan asked with mouth dry as ashes.

"That's right. Cows and sheep and pigs. Oh, and griffons. Some others. Dogs don't, or bunnies, or ferrets, although Angel can almost talk, he just doesn't use words. Why?"

"What about _deer?_" Teagan asked, face pale.

"Oh! No, not deer." Fluttershy said sympathetically. Teagan shivered and slumped. She slowly helped herself to some eggs.

"What was that about?" Rainbow Dash asked in confusion.

"The manticore Teelo ran away from had caught a deer." Fluttershy said softly.

There was silence for a moment.

"Oh." Rainbow Dash said, subdued, looking down at her plate.

"No more sad talk!" A relentlessly upbeat Pinkie Pie announced loudly. "This is a party! Well, it's actually a breakfast, but you might as well say it's a party because we're here to welcome Teelo to Ponyville and nobody should be sad at their own Welcome To Ponyville Party, especially with Pinkie Pie on the job! Now turn those frowns upside down and let's enjoy ourselves, ponies!"

Pinkie Pie stepped around the table and hopped up to Teagan, eyeing her sternly. "Hmm, what do we have here? Let me see, let me see, oh yes!" Pinkie started sniffing Teagan, starting at her head and moving down her body to her waist.

"Aha! Pinkie stuck her nose into Teagan's hair, much to the girl's shock. Pinkie inhaled deeply, snuffling Teagan's neck where it joined the shoulder, making the girl giggle involuntarily as Pinkie's nose tickled her.

Pinkie stepped back, a look of deep thought on her face. Then she sneezed violently—twice.

"You're a lemon, right? Am I right?" Pinkie Pie asked excitedly.

"A lemon?" Teagan asked, confused. "I don't understand, Pinkie Pie."

"Your favorite flavor, silly! Its lemon, isn't it?"

"How'd you know that?"

"I have my ways." Pinkie Pie smiled so broadly Teagan thought her face would split.

"Pinkie Pie you are _so_ random." Rainbow Dash said with a chuckle.

"Hi, I'm Spike." The small dragon spoke up.

"Hi Spike, glad to meet you." Teagan said, smiling.

"Fluttershy tells me you know Spike?" Twilight asked curiously.

"Uh, no. I know _of_ him." Teagan said carefully.

"Huh?" Spike asked, tilting his head.

"You're kind of famous where I'm from." Teagan mentally crossed her fingers, hoping she could navigate this minefield safely.

"I _am?" _Spike said. His jaw dropped.

"Yeah. All of you are, actually." Teagan admitted.

"We are?" Twilight asked, blinking. "Why?"

"Well, you're kind of heroes. Saved the world and all that stuff." Teagan said. "I mean I didn't follow your story because I'm not into stuff like that, but for a lot of people it's almost an obsession. They're really big fans. We call them 'bronies'."

"Bronies?" Applejack asked. "Like ponies but with a B-R?"

"Yeah. I think it means "brother ponies" or something. They can get pretty obnoxious about it." Teagan said. "Fans of anything can really, but bronies have a special talent. They keep trying to convert me."

"Convert you?" Rarity asked, confused.

"Yeah. Welcome to the Herd and all that." Teagan laughed.

"Welcome to the herd?" Rainbow Dash asked, tilting her head.

"I think the full expression is 'Welcome to the Herd. You have been assimilated.'" The girl replied.

"That's—kinda creepy." Rainbow Dash said, frowning.

"Kind of, yeah." Teagan agreed. "I mean, now that I'm here and have actually met you, I can say I like you as people, but they haven't actually met you, and they almost worship the ground you stand on. It's not normal."

"Really?" Rainbow Dash asked. "So I'm famous?" She brightened.

"Uh huh. Especially the Sonic Rainboom. Even I've heard of that." Teagan said, chuckling. "Have to say its impressive looking."

"Wait, what?" Twilight asked. "How could you have seen it?"

Teagan cursed herself silently. She'd relaxed and walked right into it.

_Twilight's too smart to fall for half-truth, darn it!_ She thought as she took a deep breath.

"I've seen it because we have video of it." She said quietly.

"What?" Twilight's jaw dropped. "Video? What do you mean? How'd you get that?"

"Now that, Twilight, I really can't answer because I don't know. All I know is your adventures get followed every week by millions of fans who watch them and cheer everything you do."

The silence around the table was scary. Teagan swallowed nervously.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger, ok? I never thought you guys actually existed, or that magic was real, or Equestria was more than a made up story. Until _he _kidnapped me."

"He who?" Pinkie Pie asked interestedly.

"I never saw him, but he was really scary, Pinkie." Teagan shuddered. "Anything is possible, nothing is forbidden. Chaos, like ice running through your veins." She quoted.

She wasn't ready for Fluttershy to drop her glass and have it shatter, nor the look of horror on Rarity's face.

"That's what he said to me." She explained hastily, but it didn't help.

"Discord." Applejack whispered.

"But we turned him to stone! How could he have escaped? Spike, take a letter to Princess Celestia immediately!" Twilight exclaimed.

Spike ran over to a pair of saddlebags and frantically dug through them until he found a parchment, quill, and an inkwell. Bringing the supplies back to the table he dipped the quill in the ink.

"Ready!" He announced tensely.

"Dear Princess Celestia," Twilight began. "It has come to my attention that Discord may have escaped his confinement or found some magical method to cause mischief. We found a female of a hitherto unknown species named Teelo who claims she was kidnapped and dumped into the Everfree Forest by an unknown assailant. However, comments he made to her prior to her arrival in the Forest make me believe it was Discord."

"For example, quote: "Everything is allowed, nothing is forbidden" and quote "Chaos like ice running through your veins".

"I recommend you check Discord's statue to make sure it's still there and check it for any spell activity you can think of. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

"Send it." She snapped. Spike saluted and tossed the rolled up parchment in the air, breathing fire and making it burst into green flame, which vanished.

"Um, what just happened?" Teagan asked, staring at Spike.

"Spike just sent Princess Celestia my letter." Twilight explained.

"By burning it?"

"Spike has a magical connection to the Princess." Twilight said. "If he burns a letter it's sent straight to her.

"Oh. How long 'til we—" Teagan started to say when Spike seemed to convulse like a cat with a hairball. He spat out a green flame that coalesced into a rolled up parchment. Twilight grabbed the letter with her magic and unrolled it."

"That looked painful." Teagan commented to Spike.

"Nah, I'm used to it. It's not much worse than a belch." Spike said dismissively.

"Listen to this, everypony." Twilight said loudly.

"My dearest Twilight Sparkle, I have received your message and will take immediate action. You, your friends, and Teelo should stand ready to travel to Canterlot on minimal notice. I wish to speak with our new guest to find out if it was indeed Discord that abducted her. I will send another letter via Spike when I am ready to speak with you."

"Wow, she doesn't mess around." Rainbow Dash said, impressed.

"This is _Discord_ we're talking about, Rainbow Dash." Twilight said. "He nearly destroyed Equestria the last time, she isn't taking any chances. Would you?"

"You got that right." Rainbow Dash admitted.

"I suggest we all go home and pack." Twilight said. "You know what you need to bring. Rarity, I think you need to make Teelo some clothes suitable for a rough trek, just in case. We have no idea where this may end up."

"Wait a minute! I'm not the hero type!" Teelo protested. "I don't know how to fight or anything like that!"

"Well, if we had to fight Discord _physically_ we'd lose." Twilight said to placate the alarmed girl. "Discord likes to mess with your head, he likes giving his opponents a chance because it's more of a challenge. So any fighting will be in your mind, not with your body."

"And besides, you got us." Rainbow Dash said easily. "We'll protect you if it comes to a knockdown drag-out fight. We're heroes, right? That's what heroes do!"

Teagan looked at Fluttershy who looked really worried.

"What do you think, Fluttershy?" Teagan asked softly.

"I try never to hate anyone." Fluttershy said in a troubled voice. "But Discord did terribly things to us, he tried to tear apart our friendship, he tried to hurt my _friends_."

She stared straight at Teagan.

"Nobody hurts my friends, Teelo. If Discord is loose again, we'll stop him. I promise."

She stared at Teagan, and there was something dark in her eyes that made Teagan very glad Fluttershy was on her side. The one thing Teagan thought she'd known about the kindly pegasus was there wasn't a scary bone in that bright yellow body. Looked like she'd been wrong.

Funny how bronies never mentioned how _bloodcurdling_ this place was…


	5. Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Chapter 5 – Waiting Is The Hardest Part

"Dear, why don't you come back to the shop with me? We don't have a moment to lose and I don't know how long it will take me to make your clothing. I've never worked with a two-legged lady before." Rarity said, turning away from the table.

"Um, Rarity I don't have any money to pay you for clothes." Teelo said, embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it, Teelo." Twilight interjected. "If Discord _is_ free you've done all of Equestria an enormous favor by warning us. As of right now we're on a mission for the Princess, she'll cover our expenses, she always does."

"Always does? How many missions have you gone on?" Teagan asked, startled.

"Well, there was Nightmare Moon," Rainbow Dash said, face screwed up in concentration. "And the dragon, and Discord, oh! and the thing with Chief Whats-his-name. That makes four." She said, grinning.

"Chief Thunderhooves." Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "Strictly speaking, Rainbow Dash, the Princess didn't send us on that one."

"Oh yeah. But she paid for the train tickets after we got back." Rainbow Dash pointed out. "So it kinda counts. Besides, she praised us for our part in keepin' the peace and helping Equestria establish friendly relations with another sovereign power. At least I think that's what she said."

"What _I_ recall was how she said she'd pay fer our tickets if'n we promised Pinkie Pie wouldn't sing at no more diplomatic functions." Applejack said slyly.

"Hmmf. So I messed up one little song." Pinkie Pie scoffed. "It wasn't like it made them go to war or anything."

The silence was deafening.

"Oh. Yeah, it kinda did, huh?" Pinkie giggled. "My bad."

Teagan just stared at Pinkie.

"Hey, nobody got _hurt_." Pinkie said defensively. "Oooh, butterfly!" And she dashed away in a pink blur.

"That's our Pinkie." Rarity said with a laugh. "Coming, dear?"

"One final question. Am I on this mission to?" Teagan asked Twilight.

"Of course. Whatever Discord is up to you're the key to his plans." Twilight replied.

"Welcome to the herd." Teagan muttered too softly for Rarity to hear as she followed the white unicorn into town. "They finally got me."

The broach had made the towel so secure and comfortable Teagan had all but forgotten it wasn't a dress. Her appearance in town gave her a rude reminder, as every pony in view stopped in shock at seeing her. Several shied away completely—a couple even turned tail and ran away in a panic.

"Well! I must say _that_ was rude." Rarity sniffed. "One would think they'd never seen two ladies walking down the street before!"

Teagan chuckled. "A for effort, Rarity, but don't bother. Can't say I like it, but I understand how they feel. I'm big and scary looking, right?"

"You're tall and _graceful_." Rarity said primly. "Frankly, I wish I could say the same. You move so beautifully."

"I do?" Teagan blinked. She wasn't a klutz, but no one had ever complimented her on being graceful before.

"Certainly, my dear! And on two legs, no less! Dear Spikey walks on two legs of course but he has a tail to help him keep his balance. And those dreadful Diamond Dogs that had the unmitigated _gall _to abduct me walk on two legs as well, but they clomp along with absolutely no elegance whatsoever. You, on the other hand, are like a slender willow, swaying gently in the breeze."

"Wow." Teagan didn't know what to say. Rarity stopped in front of a door and Teagan realized they'd reached their destination. With a brief glow of her horn and a soft click the door to the shop opened.

"Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique!" Rarity said proudly.

"This is amazing!" Teagan breathed as she drifted around the shop. Rarity closed and locked the door and turned the sign to read _Closed, _all without moving from where she stood watching Teagan admire her shop.

With a glow from her horn she slid shut the heavy draperies on the lower windows and then opened the upper story curtains, flooding the shop with light.

"Now, darling, shall we begin? Why don't you take off that towel so I can take measurements?"

"Huh? Um, I can't do that." Teagan said, nervously folding her arms across her chest.

"Why ever not, dear?" Rarity blinked in bewilderment. "I can't measure you properly through the towel you know."

"Religious duty?" Teagan offered weakly.

"Whatever do you mean, darling? What's a religious duty?" Rarity asked, honestly trying to figure out what this strange creature was talking about.

"Well, it's hard for us to be naked in front of strangers." Teagan explained. "We're not supposed to do it."

"But I'm not a stranger, darling! Besides, _I'm_ not wearing anything and that doesn't seem to bother you."

"Yeah, but that's different. You've got fur. So you aren't really naked."

"Tut. You're just being silly." A tape measure floated over to her and hung in mid-air as a notepad and pencil floated over to Rarity.

"The Princess could summon us at any moment. Do you really want to go to Court wearing a towel, even with that adorable broach?"

"No." Teagan admitted reluctantly. "And meeting a princess in pajamas and bunny slippers isn't any more appealing."

"I promise you I'll be quick, all right?" Rarity offered.

"Nobody else can see, right?"

"No dear, the drapes are closed."

"I appreciate you doing that for me." Teagan said, reaching for the broach.

"Actually, I didn't realize you were so shy. I closed them because I didn't want anyone to see your new clothes until I was finished." Rarity admitted, smiling. "I am an artiste, you know, and _hate_ to show off half-finished work. Especially when I have the unprecedented opportunity to be the first pony to ever create clothing for your species! Do you know how priceless that is to an artiste such as myself?"

Teagan had to chuckle, in spite of her embarrassment. She had no doubt Rarity was being completely sincere. Reluctantly she removed her towel and stood on the pedestal Rarity directed her to.

The measuring seemed to go on forever. Rarity asked her to turn several times and change poses. The tape measure slid from one part of her to another, moving as though it were alive. Rarity kept saying _hmm_ and nodding and giving quick smiles of encouragement as the pencil raced over the notepad.

Finally, it was over. Teagan gratefully rewrapped the towel around herself and secured it with the broach.

"There! Now with the measurements and drawings I've made I should have no trouble making your new clothes. We should start with a practical—"

"Wait, _drawings?_" Teagan asked, appalled. "You _drew _me? While I was _naked?_"

"Another religious duty problem?" Rarity sighed, raising an eyebrow. "Dear, it's either that or you spend the next 12 hours on that pedestal while I create the clothes on your body. Would you prefer that?"

"No!" Teagan said quickly. "Just—promise me that you won't show those drawings to _anyone_. Rarity, you don't understand how important it is no one else see them. _Please_."

The unicorn studied Teagan, clearly taken aback.

"Well of course, dear! If it's that important to you then I give you my word. I won't show them to another living pony."

"Oh, _thank you_, Rarity!" Impulsively she threw her arms around the startled unicorn and hugged her, tears brimming in her eyes.

"You don't know how much that means to me." She whispered, letting Rarity go. "This whole thing has been really, really _hard_."

"Forgive me for asking, darling, but how old are you?"

"I'm fifteen." Teagan said. "Why?"

"So you're an adult then?" Rarity asked.

"Um, no. Not till I'm 18. For some things, not until I'm 21."

"That _monster_." Rarity snarled. "To attack a young filly not yet fully grown! Has he no shame? When I face him again I'm going to kick him so hard he'll be walking sideways for a week! If I don't turn him back to stone and kick his statue into rubble!"

Just then the door rattled.

"Hey, Rarity, why's the door locked?" A young sounding voice asked plaintively from. "Lemme in! I wanna show Scootaloo and Apple Blossom the new hat you made me."

Rarity quickly opened a drawer and floated the notepad inside then slid it closed.

"Just a moment, Sweetie Belle, I'm with a client!" She called.

"It's my little sister and her friends." Rarity explained.

"Am I going to give them nightmares?" Teagan asked. "You want me to duck out the back?"

Rarity laughed. "Heavens no, darling! You're no monster! Besides, those three fancy themselves adventurers. Keep them from meeting a representative of an unknown species? They'd never speak to me again!"

Teagan smiled.

"Although—would you mind stepping behind the screen until I can prepare them? I wouldn't want them to be rude. They're really sweet fillies but they _are _somewhat young and thoughtless."

"No problem. Oh, and if I haven't said it before, thank you for doing all this for me."

"You're quite welcome, darling." Rarity smiled at her.

Teagan stepped behind the screen, having to kneel because the screen was intended for a four-foot tall pony.

"Come in, Sweetie Bell." She heard Rarity call and the door open, followed by the unmistakable sound of multiple hooves running in.

"Girls, I have a special treat for you." Rarity said in a bright excited voice.

"What is it, Miss Rarity?" The filly's accent reminded her of Applejack.

"Sis, didn't you say you were with a client? Where is she?" Sweetie Bell asked. Teagan chuckled silently, enjoying the game.

"She's here, but before you meet her I want you to make me a promise."

"Sure!" Sweetie Bell said quickly, but Teagan could hear the question in her voice.

"You three are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, are you not? Brave, adventurous, afraid of nopony?" Rarity asked in ringing tones."

"Yes ma'am!" The three fillies chorused.

"Well, my client is a filly who isn't quite a mare yet." Rarity confided. "But even so she has a very big secret!"

"Really?" Apple Blossom (Teagan guessed) asked excitedly. "Did she get her cutie mark yet?"

Rarity hesitated, but only for a moment.

"That's part of the secret. You see, she isn't a pony at all!"

"Not a pony?" Scootaloo asked, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you all know Spike, correct?" Rarity asked.

"Sure, he lives with Twilight Sparkle, Miss Rarity. We talk to him all the time." Apple Bloom said.

"Is she a _dragon, _Sis?" Sweetie Belle asked, delight oozing from every word. It was plain she desperately hoped the stranger was a dragon.

"No, Sweetie Belle. Even _better_."

"Better than a _dragon?_" Scootaloo asked in disbelief. "Whoa!"

"But you have to promise me you'll be on your _best_ behavior." Rarity said sternly. "My client is a very important guest. In fact she's going to visit Princess Celestia very soon. Do you promise to remember your manners?"

"Yes ma'am." Apple Blossom said eagerly.

"On my honor as a Cutie Mark Crusader!" Scootaloo declared, making Teagan smile so widely it nearly hurt.

"Me too!" Sweetie Bell chimed in.

"Very well, remember you are Cutie Mark Crusaders! Brave and adventurous and kind to all." Rarity said.

"We are!" They chorused in perfect sync.

"Teelo, dear, would you please come and meet my sister and her friends?" Rarity called out. Teagan slipped to her feet and straightened, hearing the fillies gasp as they saw her head rise above the privacy screen.

With as much dignity as she could muster wearing a towel and bunny slippers the girl walked around the screen and stopped about five feet from the four ponies.

"Hello girls. My name is Teelo. It's a pleasure to meet you." Teagan said softly, being very careful to stand calmly and make no sudden moves.

The three fillies' eyes got wider and wider and their pupils dilated.

"This is so _cool,_" Scootaloo breathed. Teagan couldn't help but smile at the orange bodied pegasus with a fuchsia mane and tail. The color combination almost made her eyes bleed, but she had to admit the little filly was cute.

"You're Scootaloo, right?" Teagan asked.

"Yes ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet you." Scootaloo said, suddenly feeling shy.

"No need to be nervous, Scootaloo. I promise I don't bite."

"Howdy, Miss Teelo. My name's Apple Blossom. Pleased to make yer acquaintance." Apple Bloom said with eyes still wide.

"Hello Apple Blossom. Teagan said, studying the light yellow filly. Her mane was a pinkish red color that Teagan couldn't put a name to and she had the most adorable hair bow. "Are you related to Applejack by any chance?"

"You know my sister?" Apple Blossom asked eagerly.

"Yes, I met her this morning at Fluttershy's house We had breakfast together." Teagan replied.

"So _that's _why Rainbow Dash came and fetched her afore breakfast!" Apple Blossom said with satisfaction. "She was in an all fired hurry too!"

"So you know Fluttershy?" Sweetie Bell asked innocently.

"I met her in the forest yesterday." Teagan said carefully. "I got a bit hurt and she let me stay with her last night."

"If Fluttershy vouches for you, that's good enough for me." Sweetie Belle announced, marching forward and offering a hoof. Teagan carefully took it and gave it a single shake before letting go.

"Fluttershy's a really nice pony, but she's afraid of her own shadow. If she's not afraid of you it means you wouldn't hurt a fly." The young filly said in satisfaction.

"Sweetie Belle!" Rarity exclaimed, scandalized.

"Sis, you know it's true. I love Fluttershy to death but she's so timid it's ridiculous." Sweetie Bell said calmly.

"I think you might be surprised." Teagan said, thinking of the look in Fluttershy's eyes at breakfast. "I wouldn't want to get on her bad side."

Apple Blossom burst into giggles. "Oh, I'm sorry for laughin', but this is _Fluttershy _we're talkin' about! She don't _got_ no bad side!"

Rarity chuckled suddenly. "Are you so sure, Apple Blossom? I seem to remember a certain incident in the Everfree Forest where three young fillies bit off more than they could chew. Wasn't it Fluttershy who pulled your flanks out of the fire? Along with Twilight Sparkle, as I recall?"

"You never said she told you about that." Sweetie Bell said uneasily. "You won't tell Mom and Dad will you?"

"No. Young fillies like you three will never learn unless you touch a hot stove occasionally." Rarity said with a sigh. "I do not approve, mind you, but I am a realist."

"Thanks Sis, you're the best!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed happily.

"So what did Fluttershy do, Rarity?" Teagan asked curiously. She couldn't imagine what the gentle pegasus could have done to impress the three fillies so.

"Can I tell it, Rarity? Please?" Scootaloo asked eagerly.

"Certainly, since you were there and I wasn't. Fluttershy was very—understated—when she told me. I imagine she left out quite a bit."

"Well, Fluttershy's chickens got out of their henhouse." Scootaloo began. "It was late at night but the moon was up, so there was enough light for us to see. The tracks went straight into the Everfree Forest. Well, we knew they wouldn't last too long so we went after them 'cause Fluttershy would have grieved herself sick if anything had happened to her chickens."

"We'd just caught up to 'em and was gettin' ready to round 'em up and head home when one of the chickens flew up in the air and came face to face with a—" She paused dramatically.

"_Cockatrice._"She hissed.

"What's a cockatrice?" Teagan asked curiously.

"It's a monster. Looks like somepony crossed a rooster and a snake." Apple Blossom broke in.

"Yeah, but that ain't the worst part." Scootaloo grinned evilly. On her it was cute, not scary.

"See, a cockatrice has a magical power. Any creature that looks it straight in the eye is—_turned to stone_."

Teagan shivered. From the calm way Rarity was listening she had a sinking feeling the cockatrice was just as real as the manticore she'd met.

"That chicken squawked once and then it fell out of the air and nearly hit us! Sank halfway into the ground cause it had been turned to stone in mid air!"

"Then the cockatrice started coming after _us_." All three fillies shuddered.

"But suddenly there was Fluttershy! She told us to get behind her and then she stared that monster straight in the eye and started giving it a piece of her mind. It was _awesome_."

"Yeah, until the cockatrice started turning her to stone." Sweetie Belle said somberly.

"That part's even _more_ awesome! See the monster started turning her to stone, first her rear legs, then up her body past her wings. By that time she was threatening to find the cockatrice's mother and tell her what it had been up to."

"And _then_, she leaned down and said _do you understand me?_ That's when the stone started cracking and a light shone from under it and it _exploded_, leaving Fluttershy completely untouched! And the cockatrice squawked and nodded, then turned Twilight Sparkle and the chicken back to normal. Then _it ran away._"

Teagan felt her mouth fall open.

"_Fluttershy_ did that?" She asked incredulously. The three fillies nodded solemnly.

"She never mentioned it starting to turn her to stone." Rarity said thoughtfully. "But you know I once saw her stare down a dragon. She actually made it cry."

"What? Like Spike?" Teagan asked. "That doesn't sound too hard."

Rarity laughed.

"Oh no, darling! Spike is a _baby_. This was a full grown dragon, at least a hundred feet long. It was so big Fluttershy landed on the tip of its nose and had to march up to its eyes. Its _eyes_ were taller than she was."

Teagan felt her stomach clench. "You really have hundred foot dragons here?"

"Oh yes. They're not very common, of course, but I personally know of two in the vicinity of Ponyville."

"Dragons." Teagan said flatly.

"Yes, dear. Don't you have dragons where you're from?" Rarity asked.

"No. We don't have cockatrices or manticores either."

"Must be nice, not havin' monsters around." Apple Blossom said.

"Well, we do have monsters, I guess. Just not those kinds." Teagan said, thinking of the monster that had kidnapped her.

"But let's get back to Fluttershy for a second. You're telling me she actually made a dragon _cry_? A hundred foot long, fire-breathing _dragon?"_

"My dear Fluttershy can be very surprising." Rarity said with satisfaction. "_You_ don't seem all that surprised, however."

"Well, this morning at breakfast when—" She saw Rarity shake her head minutely, but quickly. "—she was saying that nobody hurts her friends she looked at me and for just a second I was scared of her."

"Scared of Fluttershy." Sweetie Belle said flatly. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah. Tell me something, Sweetie Belle. Do dragons cry easily?"

All three fillies snorted in amusement.

"Ok, do cockatrices normally run away from ponies?"

"No." Apple Blossom admitted reluctantly.

"I believe you've made your point, my dear Teelo." Rarity said with a chuckle. "Sweetie Belle I have to start working on an order and you know how I get when I'm lost in my work. Go show your friends your new hat. Ten minutes, and then I really must get to work."

"Ok, Sis. It was really amazing meeting you, Teelo!" The filly said as she and her two friends dashed up the stairs.

"Nice kids." Teagan said, smiling after them.

"They are." Rarity said fondly. "Oh, I almost forgot! You said your other clothes were still drying? Would you mind terribly if I were to examine them? It would give me some idea of how your clothes should fit."

"No, go ahead." Teagan sighed inwardly. It looked like she was going to be wearing this towel for the foreseeable future. Still, Rarity was right. Teagan did want the clothes to fit.

Teagan and Rarity started talking about clothes, which brought up the subject of layers, which reminded Teagan she was going to need underclothes as well, and probably a jacket.

And _shoes_. Rarity wasn't sure she could manage shoes but asked to see Teelo's feet, just in case. She made some more drawings, and by the time she was finished the girls had come back down stairs.

"We'll see you later, Sis. Teelo, it was great meeting you!"

"Oh, Sweetie Belle I need you to do me a favor. Would you be a dear and go over to Fluttershy's and tell her Teelo said I could borrow her clothes to examine? Bring them straight back here please. It's all a bit of a rush."

"Sure Sis. Hey, is she going to wear one of your dresses when she meets Princess Celestia?" Sweetie Belle asked eagerly.

"Yes, dear. Now off with you. No time to waste!"

The three fillies bolted out the door, making Teagan smile.

"What do you suggest I do now?" She asked Rarity.

"I don't know, darling. Why don't you go see Twilight? Perhaps she'll have some suggestions. I'm sure she has lots of questions she'd like you to answer."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Teagan said with a rueful smile. "Twilight's the leader of your group, isn't she?"

Rarity cocked her head. "Well, darling, she does do the planning but I wouldn't say she's the _leader_. It's more of a consensus, really."

"So how do I find her?" Teagan asked. "And am I going to get mugged on the way?"

"Pay no attention to those _rude_ ponies, darling! They're just skittish around newcomers. But they certainly won't _attack_ you!" Rarity said dismissively. She gave Teagan some directions to reach the library.

It sounded simple enough, but Teagan repeated them carefully just to make sure she had them right. She dreaded the thought of being lost in a strange town, especially _this_ strange town.

Once she was confident she knew the way Teagan bid the unicorn goodbye and went to find the Ponyville library.


	6. Unexpected Complications

Chapter 6 – Unexpected Complications

On the way to the library the ponies that didn't run away entirely gave her an extremely wide berth, watching her warily with white-rimmed eyes and folded back ears. At least none of them got aggressive. They might have been the size of Shetland ponies but that still meant they weighed something like 400 pounds. If one of them attacked her she wouldn't stand a chance.

She finally found the library. It had a painted sign of an open book, so Teagan was pretty sure this was the right place.

It was much more impressive than Fluttershy's house and that had been amazing enough. Fluttershy had been telling the truth, it really _was_ a tree. Somehow the living tree had been made into a house, and not just a small house, but a three story giant with lots of rooms that projected off the trunk at different levels.

"It's a _tree house_," Teagan giggled in spite of herself. "There's even a platform like my old treehouse had!"

Since the library was intended as a public building it was designed with tall (at least by pony standards) doors and ceilings. Teagan wouldn't have to worry about hitting her head, which made her sigh in relief. Fluttershy's doorways were almost too short for her. If she'd been any taller she'd have given herself a concussion by now.

She knocked on the door.

"Oh for heaven's sake, this is a _library_. Come in!" Twilight's exasperated voice came from the other side of the door. Teagan opened the door and stepped inside.

It really _was_ a library. Books and shelves were _everywhere._ Looking around she couldn't see Spike or Twilight.

"Twilight? Are you here?" The girl called out softly, not wanting to raise her voice in a library.

"Be right there!" Twilight called loudly. "Spike, I need Volume 17 of _Equestria: Through the Ages_."

"Coming right up!" Spike's cheerful shout responded. Teagan blinked. Apparently you didn't have to be quiet in _this _library.

"Hi, how can I—oh, hi Teelo. Finished at Rarity's?" Twilight said, coming down the stairs, a dozen volumes floating along behind her.

"You know, no matter how often I see that I don't think it's ever getting old." Teagan commented. "Yeah, I finally escaped. That pony is relentless. Amazingly talented, but relentless."

Twilight giggled. "She does tend to obsess when it comes to her art."

"Hey, Twilight! Found it." Spike came clattering down the stairs holding an enormous book in both paws. It immediately flew to join the other dozen behind Twilight, letting Spike see Teagan for the first time.

"Hey, Teelo. Did Rarity fix you up for clothes? Isn't that pony _amazing?_" Spike's face grew dreamy and he sighed.

Teagan suddenly remembered something else she'd heard on the forum. She had thought they were pulling her leg, but maybe not…

"Funny thing, Spike. When we were walking to the library Rarity happened to mention you."

"She _did? _What did she say?" Spike asked with laser-like attention.

_Guess it's true then, _Teagan thought, not being able to repress a smile.

"Oh, I don't remember the subject, but I do recall she called you _Dear Spikey_." She said lightly.

"Wow." He breathed. "Dear Spikey. _Yes!_"

"Spike, she calls everypony 'dear' or 'darling'. You know that." Twilight said, chuckling.

"Yeah, but she doesn't change anypony else's name, does she?" Spike said, swelling up. "I'm _Spikey_ to my sweet Rarity."

_Oh my. Spike has it **bad**_, Teagan thought, briefly feeling a little guilty for teasing him.

But only a little.

"Rarity said you might have some suggestions on what I should do next. I've never been on a mission before so I'm completely clueless."

"Well, let me think." Twilight let the books settle into several neat piles, frowning in concentration.

"Rarity and I usually just carry personal supplies, it's Pinkie and Applejack that carry our big loads. Especially Pinkie. She's got some kind of magical saddlebags. They're larger on the inside that the outside—don't ask me how. She can carry an amazing amount of stuff."

"Saddlebags probably wouldn't work for you, but I can let you borrow one of Spike's backpacks. It should be big enough to carry your clothes and maybe some supplies."

"Of course Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy don't carry anything. For one thing pegasi aren't as strong as unicorns or earth ponies and for another having them unencumbered for flight is way too useful to give up."

"What about weapons?" Teagan asked.

Twilight blinked in surprise.

"We don't carry weapons. We're pretty good in a fight without them. Besides, anything we couldn't handle without weapons would be too big to fight anyway."

She looked at Teagan doubtfully. "Do you even know how to use a weapon?"

"Well—no, not really." Teagan admitted reluctantly. "My dad did teach me how to shoot but I don't think you've got guns here. I think I do need a weapon though. If Discord is as dangerous as you say he is who knows what he'll throw at us? I'd feel safer with something, even if it was just a stick."

"Hmm, the Princess might have something you can use." Twilight said uncertainly. "The only weapons I know of are meant for ponies. I don't think they'd work for a human. Besides, I told you, Discord fights inside the mind. He's not a brawler."

"Oh! That reminds me. I was thinking over what you told me about how your kidnapper acted. Something doesn't feel right. Would you mind going over it again?"

Teagan shivered but started repeating the story of her abduction. Twilight listened patiently and made her go back over several details, and asked lots of questions.

Then she dug through the book Spike had found for her.

"Aha! I knew something didn't sound right. Listen to this. _Know ye Discorde be not evil incarnate, rather a being of great power and little wisdom. For this creature the normal existence we enjoy is sheerest torture, it taxes his patience most sorely. Discorde must have novelty with every breath lest he be poisoned by the mundane world around him."_

_"Thus Discorde is a foe most unpredictable—he never repeats himself, ever coming forth with new stratagems most unique and unforeseen. This is his nature and it will ever be so."_

_"Yet herein lays his weakness. For all that he is unpredictable and cunning, Discorde has never mastered patience. His wiles are never prolonged, all are quick and do not require the monster to delay his reward. Discorde seeks to relieve his boredom, yet in so doing he can never bear to bore himself, even in the slightest way."_

Teagan frowned.

"Don't you _see?"_ Twilight exclaimed. "The creature you described was _cruel_. You said he called your fear delicious. That's not something Discord would say, he doesn't want to generate fear. He wants to make chaos— in other words, constant change. When we fought him before he wasn't cruel or evil. His plan was to remove my magic and change the other ponies' natures into their opposites so things would _change_."

"He made Fluttershy cruel—but _he_ wasn't cruel, he was enjoying the chaos, not our misery. He's not evil, Teelo. The thing that took you was."

"So it wasn't Discord?" Teagan asked, puzzled.

Twilight slumped. "It was. It had to be. Everything else fits. But why is he acting so out of character?"

"If he's turned evil what's to say other things haven't changed too?" Teagan asked. "Maybe he's not impatient anymore. Maybe he's over the whole instant gratification thing."

"I hope not." Twilight said fervently. "It was hard enough to beat him last time. If we're facing a new evil Discord who knows how to plan ahead we could be in serious trouble."

"You mean we aren't already?" Teagan asked dryly.

"Now that we know what to expect Discord shouldn't be hard to fight." Twilight said.

"You mean you expect Discord to do the same things he did last time?" Teagan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Good point." Twilight admitted. "But I'm a planner too, and I've been doing it longer than him. I have the edge."

"I hope you're right." Teagan said sincerely. The two sat in silence, contemplating the implications.


	7. A Ponyville Tradition

Chapter 7 – A Ponyville Tradition

Suddenly a pink blur shot into the library and stopped in front of Teagan. Pinkie Pie hopped up and down excitedly, clapping her hooves together with each hop.

"It's ready, it's ready. IT'S _READY!" _Pinkie Pie shouted, grinning from ear to ear. "I know it's late, but I worked extra special hard and everything is just peachy-perfect! It's going to be the finest, bestest, best one _ever_. Everyone is gonna be there, even the _Princess_." Pinkie closed her eyes in hyperactive bliss.

"Well, I mean _a _Princess. Princess Celestia couldn't come 'cause she's super busy with the whole saving the world thing but Princess Luna said **SHE WOULD BE HONORED TO ATTEND**." Pinkie Pie gave a ringing imitation of the Royal Canterlot Voice that made Teagan slap her hands over her ears and Twilight fold her ears back.

Pinkie Pie giggled at their expressions. "Guess I got it right, huh?" She hopped in the air and spun completely around before landing again.

"Come-on-come-on-come-on! You don't wanna be _late_ do you? Not for your very own Welcome To Ponyville Party! Everypony's gonna be there, Applejack and Big Macintosh and Granny Smith and Sweetie Bell and Cheerilee and—"

"Pinkie!" Twilight said sharply.

"Yes?" Pinkie asked, blinking.

"You planned a party _now_?" Twilight asked in exasperation. "When Princess Celestia could call us to come to Canterlot at any moment?"

"Of course not, Silly." Pinkie said, rolling her eyes. "I'd never do _that_. Princess Luna says Princess Celestia won't call us for at least another day, she's got all her top Horns investigating and she's not gonna get a report till at least tomorrow night."

"She—the Horns?—wait! How did you talk to Princess Luna?" Twilight stammered, finally managing to overcome her shock.

"Huh? The same way I'm talking to you, Silly!" Pinkie said, laughing.

"_Princess Luna is in Ponyville?"_ Twilight's eyes shot wide.

"Uh huh. I invited her guards too but you know how _they_ are." Pinkie stuck out her tongue.

"Who's Princess Luna?" Teagan asked. She was acutely aware that she was still wearing a towel. She wondered if it be any better to meet a princess wearing pajamas.

_Probably not, _she thought resignedly. Not only was this place incredibly scary it seemed the preferred weapon of her demise was going to be humiliation. If she ever got back she was going to slug the first brony who gushed about how _cute_ this place was!

"What's going on?" Spike said, sticking his head out a doorway in the upper story. "Oh, hi Pinkie."

"Spike! You're coming to Teelo's Welcome To Ponyville party, aren't you? Rarity's coming." The pink pony smiled with innocent good cheer.

"So, when's the party?" Spike asked from right beside Teagan. She jumped and yelped.

She hadn't even seen him move!

_Make that death by heart attack, _she thought to herself, sighing.

"It's right now, Silly! Let's _go!_" Pinkie Pie said impatiently.

"What? Pinkie, I can't go! I've got too much to do!" Twilight protested.

"Are you gonna make me do it, Twilight Sparkle?" Pinkie's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Are you gonna make me unleash my mostest devastatingest weapon?" Pinkie's voice had lowered to a growl. Teagan started backing away instinctively, remembering that Pinkie was supposed to be insane…

"Pinkie we both know you can't do The Stare." Twilight laughed. "Only Fluttershy can do that."

"You coming along quietly or do I gotta get _serious?_" Pinkie asked. By now even Spike had started eyeing escape routes.

"You three go have fun, I'll just—" She stopped. Staring at Pinkie, she swallowed.

"I didn't wanna have to do this, Twilight." Pinkie said sadly. She then performed The Look.

You know the one, the one that a cute puppy gives, you with the saddest eyes in the world. Only something about Pinkie Pie magnified the effect. Teagan felt herself tearing up. She'd do _anything_ to stop Pinkie looking at her like that…

Pinkie Pie had weaponized Puppy Dog Eyes.

"Fine. I give up. Just stop looking at me like that!" Twilight said in defeat. "Let's go to the party."

"Yay!" Pinkie turned around and bounced out the door.

"How did she do that?" Teagan asked Twilight as the three of them followed the bouncing pink ball of joy and all things puppy down the street.

"I've learned with Pinkie it's better not to ask." Twilight said, shaking her head. "Who'd have thought _Pinkie Pie_ of all ponies could do _that_?" The unicorn shivered.

"Yeah. Turn her loose on Discord and he'll be begging to go quietly." Teagan said, only half joking. That look had torn at her heartstrings.

Spike didn't say anything. He still had a dreamy look in his eyes.

The pink pony lead them to a building that reminded Teagan of a gingerbread house topped with a double-decker cupcake, topped with three candles. The candles were even _lit_, although the flames weren't yet distinct against the late afternoon sunlight.

"Interesting place." Teagan said. "It almost looks like you could take a bite of it."

"Sugar Cube Corner." Twilight said. "Pinkie lives on the second floor. The bottom floor is a bakery run by Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Pinkie's their apprentice. She's gotten really good with cupcakes."

"Well, _most_ of the time." Twilight added after a moment's thought.

Pinkie led them through the main area to a back room. There was a banner that read "Welcome Teelo!" in big bold script. Smaller banners in other parts of the room were covered in a script Teagan had never seen before.

"What's the big banner say?" Twilight asked in confusion, staring at it.

"It says "Welcome Teelo"." The girl answered slowly. "Can't you read it?"

"No, I can't. How can you?" Twilight asked curiously. "I can read the smaller banners, but not the big one. It uses a script I don't recognize."

"But it's in English." Teagan protested.

"What's English?" Twilight asked, wrinkling her forehead in confusion.

"The language we're speaking right now? You know—the two of us?" Teagan said with exaggerated patience.

"We're speaking Equestrian." Twilight said, staring at her.

"Um, hate to break it to you, Twilight, but I never learned Equestrian in school. Just English."

"Do you know any tongue twisters?" Twilight asked suddenly, apropos of nothing.

"Uh, yeah. Why?" Teagan asked, playing along.

"Say one. It doesn't matter which one." Twilight said, staring at her intently.

"Ok, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers." Teagan raised her eyebrows. "And that did what, exactly?"

"That's weird. Try another."

"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers." Teagan said obediently. "Twilight, what are you doing?"

"Do you know any rhymes?" Twilight ignored the other ponies that were starting to filter in. The unicorn was staring hard at Teagan.

"Um, the guests are arriving, Twilight. Can't this wait?" Teagan asked nervously.

"No! Just a short one!"

Teagan sighed.

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack jumped over the candlestick. Happy?"

"We're speaking the same language." Twilight said flatly.

"No, _really?_ What was your first clue?" Teagan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I _mean_ that Equestrian and English are the _same language_." Twilight said, as though she were explaining to a four year old. "At least the same spoken language. They appear to have different alphabets, though."

"All right. Weird, I grant you but my weird-o-meter blew a fuse when I found out humongous fire-breathing dragons were real. Is that the Princess?" Teagan nodded toward a group of ponies that had just entered.

"Where?" Twilight's head snapped around. "Princess Luna! It's wonderful to see you!" Twilight walked forward eagerly to meet a dark blue unicorn with an ethereal silver-blue mane and a cutie mark showing a white cresent moon on a black background.

And _wings_, Teagan realized belatedly. The Princess also had wings. She was a winged unicorn. What had Fluttershy called it, an alicorn?

Behind her were a pair of white ponies wearing golden armor that covered them almost completely. Wings folded over the armor revealed they were pegasi.

She bet flying in all that armor wasn't a lot of fun.

Princess Luna was a foot taller than her subjects, tall enough to look Teagan straight in the eye. Although Luna was tall and built more slenderly than the ponies around her she probably weighed a good 700 pounds. The fact her horn was black, two feet long and needle sharp wasn't lost on Teagan either.

Now this living spear was being led over to chat with her.

"Lady Teagan, on behalf of Equestria, allow us to welcome thee to our beloved land." Princess Luna's words were delivered in a loud booming voice that almost made Teagan wince. It took a second before she realized what the princess had actually _said_.

Her name. Her _real_ name. The name she'd never said aloud all the time she'd been here…

"How do you know my name, Your Highness?" Teagan asked, trying her best to keep her back straight and her gaze level.

Twilight was looking at her strangely. Pinkie Pie was grinning.

"We are co-ruler of this land, Lady Teagan and know many secrets." Princess Luna said in a slightly lower volume. Then she spoke a phrase in a language that although Teagan had never heard it before, was still achingly familiar.

"_Nach bhfuil dearmad Capaill._"

"I should know that," Teagan said softly. "I almost do. It's like a dream you can't remember…"

Luna dipped her horn in salute.

"Time movest on for us all." There was a hint of sadness in Luna's voice. Then she smiled. "But this is a party, is it not? Let us set aside our cares for an hour, and be joyful. We have heard of Miss Pie's 'punch'. We are curious to try it."

"Okie-dokie-lokie!" Pinkie Pie nearly teleported to the punch bowl where she busied herself pouring a tray full of drinks, then using a bottle to squirt something into each.

"Um, Princess you might want to take a _very_ _small_ first sip." Twilight warned her, watching Pinkie's grin widen. "You too, Teelo."

"Why dost she call you Teelo, Lady Teagan?" Luna asked, tilting her head slightly.

"It's the name I prefer, Your Highness." Teagan said. "Especially from those I like or admire. I'd be honored if you would call me that."

"Then so we shall—Lady Teelo." Luna said with a genuine smile.

Pinkie Pie brought back the tray, balancing it on her front hooves as she carefully walked over to them on her hind legs.

Teagan took the cup bemusedly, trying to figure out how Pinkie was able to hold the tray with her hooves.

"_Small _sip." Twilight hissed softly as Pinkie Pie waited expectantly.

Princess Luna cautiously tasted her punch and a blank look replaced her smile. Teagan took a cautious taste and her eyes widened.

"Thy punch carries quite a punch indeed, Miss Pie." Luna said carefully. "A most potent concoction!"

"Spicy. But sweet. It really isn't bad once you get past the burn." Teelo commented and took another small sip. "It's a little salty too."

"Wait, _salty_? Pinkie Pie!" Twilight said, apparently scandalized.

"What? We're all adults here, right? What's the harm in a little salt? This is a party!" Pinkie protested.

"Huh? What's the problem with salt?" Teagan asked, confused.

"Salt doth intoxicate ponies if taken excessively, Lady Teelo. Is it not so for thine own species?" Princess Luna asked.

"No, too much salt can make us cranky but it can't make us drunk." Teagan replied. "It's alcohol that does that for us."

"Fermented berries?" Luna asked with interest. "They have no effect on ponies. In fact the alcohol makes them safe to eat since it kills dangerous fungus and the like. Of course as with any mild poison you can eat too much and get sick from it."

"Well, it's not surprising things affect us differently I guess." Teagan said easily, taking another sip of the punch. Now that her taste buds had been thoroughly pummeled by the fiery drink she found she liked it.

"Pinkie, this punch is really good." She complimented the pink earth pony.

Pinkie grinned and offered Twilight a cup.

"I'll pass thanks. Too spicy for me." Twilight demurred.

"Suit yourself." Pinkie shrugged. "If you want it bland you can get some straight from the bowl. Not nearly as good, though."

She wandered off, offering punch to the other guests.

"Twilight tells us you are but newly arrived, Lady Teelo." Luna said. "How dost thou find Equestria thus far?"

"It's not what I expected at _all_." Teagan admitted.

"Oh? In what way?" The Princess inquired politely.

"Well, I was expecting rainbows and sweet girly ponies everywhere and the biggest problem would be which color china to bring out at the tea party."

Princess Luna made a noise suspiciously like an amused snort. Her expression immediately became stiffly formal.

"We are at something of a loss, Lady Teelo, as to why you would expect the world to be one large afternoon tea." Although her expression was neutral, Luna's eyes were dancing.

"Chalk it up to the toy companies, I guess." Teagan said with a sigh. "Instead I find a big scary world full of monsters and danger and very real people. The only rainbows are the ponies themselves. And none of them are particularly girly."

She gestured at the guests, who did indeed punish the eye with their array of garish colors.

Princess Luna appeared to consider this carefully.

"What then, would thou considerest _girly?_ Are not most of the ponies thee have met female, Lady Teelo?"

"Well, yes," Teelo said. "But they aren't girly. Fluttershy's the closest but even she's got steel hidden in her eyes. That is not a pony I'd care to cross."

"We are most heartened by thy words, Lady Teelo." Princess Luna smiled, again a smile of genuine pleasure. "It would seem although thou art young thou hast the beginnings of wisdom."

Teagan laughed.

"What, because a timid pink and yellow pony can scare me with a look? That sounds cowardly, not wise, Your Highness."

"Because thou canst see beneath the placid surface and learn the truth below, Lady Teelo." Princess Luna corrected her. "It is a skill very few possess."

"You're talking about perceptiveness? I'm flattered, Your Highness, but I'm not all that perceptive."

"As with any skill it grows with practice, Lady Teelo." Princess Luna smiled and took another sip of her punch, blinking at the intensity.

"We do see what thou dost mean by _burn_. If thee will excuse us, we must, what is the word? Oh yes, _mingle_. Our sister informs us this is a very important social duty at parties."

"It's been a pleasure, Your Highness. I hope you enjoy the party."

"We shall, Lady Teelo. Twilight Sparkle, it was a pleasure to see thee again."

"Princess." Twilight performed a bow, dipping her head almost to the ground and bending one leg. Trying to be as graceful as she could with a half empty cup of punch in one hand Teagan attempted a curtsey. Considering the circumstances, it was a passable attempt.

"Oh my God!" Teagan let out a massive sigh of relief as soon as Princess Luna was engaged in conversation with a tan earth pony with gray mane and tail.

"What?" Twilight said, confused.

"I just had a conversation with a _princess_! And I didn't mess up! Wow. I was terrified I was going to say something stupid."

"You did just fine." Twilight reassured her. "You'll do fine with Princess Celestia, too. Actually, that will be easier. Princess Luna can be a bit—formal. And she tends to like the Royal Canterlot Voice."

"I won't be wearing a towel when I meet Princess Celestia either." Teagan chuckled. "Rarity will have my clothes ready by then. I am _so_ looking forward to that!"

Just then Applejack came up to them with Apple Blossom, a large red stallion, and the first old pony Teagan had seen since her arrival.

"Teelo, this here's my brother Big Mac and my grandma, Granny Smith." Applejack said proudly.

"Good to meet ya, young filly!" Granny Smith cackled. "Yer sure is a long drink o' water!"

Teagan was soon lost in a sea of introductions as what seemed like every pony in town eventually introduced themselves over the course of the next two hours. There was food, and more punch and cupcakes and all sorts of pastries for desert.

Teagan enjoyed the party immensely; truly relaxing for the first time since she'd arrived in Equestria, but she was glad when it ended.

She and Fluttershy walked back to the latter's house, chatting lightly about the party. The pegasus also spent the walk giving Teagan the latest gossip going around town.

Even Angel seemed in a less surly mood, ignoring her instead of glaring. When she settled into bed she fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	8. No Plan Ever Survives

Chapter 8 – No Plan Ever Survives

The next morning Teagan and Fluttershy had breakfast and Teagan spent the morning helping her care for her animals, learning any number of really astounding facts about animal behavior and motivations in the process.

It helps when your teacher can actually _talk_ to the animals…

Just after lunch Sweetie Belle showed up and said that Rarity would like to see her.

"Does that mean my clothes are done?" Teagan asked with a hopeful look. She'd switched to a fresh towel but it just wasn't the same as a real dress. For one thing she had to watch her sun exposure, lest she burn her shoulders. It seemed to be early spring here instead of winter, but red-heads had to be ultra-vigilant about the sun even so.

"Well, kinda. She needs to make sure they fit, so you're gonna spend _hours_ with her." Sweetie Belle said, rolling her eyes.

"Trust me, right now I'd spend _days_ with her if it meant I could wear real clothes again." Teagan said fervently.

"How come you're so dead set on wearing clothes, anyway?" Sweetie Belle asked as they were on their way to Rarity's shop. "I mean I like hats and all but dresses just get tangled up in your legs. You can't run and you can't play. And if you want to go swimming you gotta take off your clothes anyway."

"Well, most of my playing days are behind me, Sweetie Belle." Teagan said. "I'm almost full grown and adults play different games. Besides, when we want to do something outdoors we don't wear dresses. We wear pants or shorts. And there are special clothes for swimming in."

"What's pants and shorts?" The filly asked, perplexed. "And why in the world would you need clothes to swim in? Aren't wet clothes uncomfortable?"

"Well, Rarity made some for me so I can show you most of them." Teagan said. "Basically pants are tubes of cloth that cover your legs. Shorts leave most of the leg bare. And swimsuits leave your arms and legs bare. Some leave your middle bare too."

"Then what's the point? Just to have something bright to attract the colts' attention?" She asked. "Seems kinda silly if you ask me."

Teagan laughed helplessly, stopping and bending over, putting her hands on her knees.

"Did I say something funny?" The filly asked.

"Oh my God! Sorry, Sweetie Belle I'm not laughing at you, but that was _hysterical!_ And the funniest part is I don't think I can explain why. It's a human thing."

"Well, human or pony, still seems like wet clothes would be really uncomfortable." Sweetie Belle said, somewhat nettled at Teagan's reaction.

"You get used to it. It really isn't that bad, they make swimsuits out of material that dries pretty fast."

"Still sounds like an awful lot of trouble." Sweetie Belle said.

"It's a human thing. It's hard to explain to a pony, Sweetie Belle. Hey, I saw you at my party last night, thank you for coming."

"You're welcome." The filly brightened. "It was a really swell party! Pinkie Pie outdid herself. Even Princess Luna was there! You must be a _really_ important pony—um, human?" The filly stopped, confused.

"Person, Sweetie Belle. Humans and Equestrian ponies are both people." Teagan said. "I guess pretty much anything that can hold a conversation is a person."

Sweetie Belle considered this.

"What about parrots? They can talk, but they really don't have a lot to say."

"Well—" Teelo hesitated, remembering that _cows_ were technically people here. "The parrots I'm familiar with aren't really people; they're just mimicking sounds they hear. They don't know what the sounds mean."

"Oh. Well, I guess it's the same here." The filly admitted.

They had reached Rarity's shop, much to Teagan's relief. The constant comments the ponies made about clothes being silly were starting to weigh on Teagan's mind. She just didn't have a good answer for the ponies; even though she was bone-deep certain clothes weren't silly.

The philosophical discussions were troubling too. For all she knew parrots _were_ people in this crazy place. Fluttershy had told her deer weren't, and she trusted her, but if cows were people why weren't deer?

"Darling, welcome! I'm just finishing up your dress. Your practical clothes are already done. Won't be a tick!"

Rarity was humming and chipper, this was a side of the unicorn Teagan hadn't seen yet. She felt her mouth fall open as a dozen objects floated around a beautiful dress hanging on a dress stand. Teagan blinked. Where had Rarity gotten a human shaped dress stand?

She forgot her question as the objects began a rapid organized assault on her dress, the hem tucking itself up neatly and the threaded needle rapidly making tiny stitches even as a second wave was moving in behind the rapidly moving needle.

A wide lace ruffle pressed itself against the hem of the dress and a second threaded needle began making equally tiny stitches.

Both the hemming and the ruffle took under a minute to complete.

Teagan was stunned. She'd known Rarity was famous for her dresses but she'd never actually thought about the process of making clothing before. Somehow Rarity had the ability to keep a dozen complex activities in her mind all at once, and execute them all with incredible precision.

It was like giving an industrial robot the ability to levitate objects.

Lost in admiration she watched as Rarity returned her tools and other bits to their proper places. It could have been a scene from Cinderella, everything floated back smartly and without fuss, settling into place as though it had never moved.

Within five minutes the shop was neat and tidy, and Rarity turned to her with a smile.

"Now, darling, are you ready to try on your clothes? Teelo? Are you all right?" The unicorn added in concern, noting the glazed look in Teagan's eyes and her slack jaw.

"That—that was the most amazing thing I have _ever_ seen! The way you just—and the—not to mention all the—wow. Rarity, you are the absolute best of the best!"

"Why, _thank you_, Teelo. I _am_ quite skilled, but there are ponies in Canterlot that are far better than I shall ever be." Rarity said humbly.

"I can't believe that." Teagan said, still agog. "Oh, Rarity, the dress is _beautiful._ But you didn't have to make a dress, too! I'd have been happy with just the practical stuff." Teagan walked around the dress, marveling.

It was a simple yet elegant frock, with lace trimmed hem and short sleeves, also with lace trim. It was green, and matched her eyes. Teagan instantly fell in love with it.

"Do you like it, darling?" Rarity asked anxiously.

"Oh yes. Rarity, I love it!" Teagan hugged Rarity and beamed at her. The unicorn nearly preened, looking pleased and proud at the same time.

"You'll be meeting Princess Celestia in front of her entire court, you know." Rarity said, raising her head. "As such I felt you could not do less than put your best foot forward. Nor could I, as an artiste, do anything less than absolute _perfection_ on your behalf. Simple, yet elegant. It will show off your true grace and flow around you as you move. I really have outdone myself."

"Yes, you have." Teagan agreed fervently.

"But first things first." Rarity said, turning businesslike. "As beautiful as the dress is, and as important as it will be for court, circumstances dictate we concentrate on practical matters. Here are the clothes you'll be wearing on our mission."

Rarity went on at length about the undergarments, the shorts, the pants, the shirts, and the jacket. She pointed out where she'd had difficulties, and gloated over technical details that went over Teagan's head completely. Teagan just smiled and nodded.

"I managed to create some sandals for you." Rarity said, lifting them for her inspection. "Of course they aren't magical like your slippers, but I tried to make them as durable as possible, keeping in mind we're probably going to have to run away from enemies on occasion."

"I tried watching how you walk but I only had a brief opportunity to observe you bare-hooved—I mean bare _footed_, so I may not have gotten the support quite correct. That might prove a problem over the long term. I know badly fitted shoes can cause a pony pain, I imagine it's even worse for humans since you only have two feet to bear your entire weight. Frankly I don't see how you can do that yet be so graceful, but we'll deal with that problem when we come to it."

"And that's it, darling. You have five pairs of undergarments, three each of the lower garments, three of the upper garments and one jacket. What do you think?"

Teagan's mouth was open.

"You did _all that_ in what, 12 hours?" Teagan asked, astounded.

Rarity considered. "About that, yes. We _are_ rather rushed for time or I'd have made you another dress as well."

"I think you are simply the most astounding pony I have ever met, Rarity!" Teagan declared earnestly. "It would have taken humans _days_ to create all this! You're absolutely _amazing_."

Rarity blinked. "But darling, aside from the unique challenges due to your species, this was a very straight forward assignment. While I appreciate your praise it really isn't deserved. I'm particularly disappointed I wasn't able to spend more time on your undergarments, but the needs of Equestria outweigh even those of artistic merit, as much as it pains me to admit it."

"You do this _all the time?_" Teagan asked, flabbergasted.

"Why yes, darling. It's how I make my living." Rarity said kindly.

"Then you're even more astounding than I thought." Teagan said, looking her straight in the eye.

"Oh, tosh. Now let's get on with the fitting, shall we? I'm sure you're eager to be out of that towel and into proper clothing.

"Can't argue there." Teagan said, breaking into a smile. "But—can we try the dress first? Please?"

Rarity laughed. "Of course! Off with you now! We must hurry, so much to do!"

Teagan found the undergarments were pretty much like wearing a bikini. Given the speed with which Rarity had had to create them, Teagan admitted the ties were a good idea, they gave her a custom fit without having to create garments with exact dimensions.

Taking off her bunny slippers Teagan tried on the sandals. Surprisingly, they fit. Teagan was somewhat surprised they used buckles like normal sandals, but perhaps she shouldn't have been—ponies were used to creating harnesses with buckles, which could be manipulated by mouth, given practice.

The sandals weren't uncomfortable, but Teagan didn't know if she could wear them for days on end. The soles were rubber, the straps some odd material. Of course it wasn't leather but Teagan didn't recognize the deep green material. It was flexible like leather, but clearly synthetic. She hadn't realized the ponies were that technologically advanced.

Teagan found the dress fell to her knees, and it fit perfectly. Rarity was simply beside herself with professional pride as she watched Teagan stroll back and forth, turning in a swirl of skirts. The unicorn was nearly swooning in pleasure at her handiwork.

The ivory-colored shirts fell to her hips and she discovered both the shorts and pants were lined with silk, making them ultra-comfortable.

The ribbon lacing took some getting used to. The lacing ran up the front where a zipper would normally be found. Decency wasn't an issue as the there was an inner flap that sat under the lacing, but it still produced a garment that looked exotic and a bit more risqué than Teagan would have been comfortable with in the human world. Here she could cut herself just a bit of slack. Pretty soon she was used to the look and paid it no mind.

Rarity insisted she try on every single garment so the fitting took several hours. Teagan could see the logic, each garment was handcrafted. Handcrafted meant that just because one garment fit well that didn't mean its duplicate would also.

But Rarity was indeed a master of her craft. Everything fit, and frankly Teagan couldn't find a single flaw anywhere, not that she'd have had the heart to tell Rarity if she had.

Her shorts extended to mid-thigh so they were modest enough. Since it was warm Teagan opted to wear a pair of them back to Fluttershy's. But her first stop was Twilight's library, carrying her clothing in a pair of large bags. They had oversized handles, mean to accommodate pony snouts but they worked equally well with human hands.

When she entered the library the first person she met was Spike, who whistled appreciatively when he saw her outfit.

"Man, Rarity never ceases to amaze." He said as Teagan pirouetted in front of him, pleased beyond belief to be wearing an outfit designed to be seen by others.

"She's _amazing_, Spike. She created so many clothes for me. In less than a _day!_ Everything I need for both the mission and for court."

"Yeah, Rarity's pretty special all right." Spike said dreamily.

"You really like her, don't you?"

"What's not to like?" He asked. Teagan laughed.

"Wow, don't you look nice!" Twilight commented, coming down the stairs. "Great outfit!"

"These are my mission clothes." Teagan explained. "Rarity made sure they were extra tough because we don't know where we're going to end up. I think she did an unbelievably good job in next to no time. Is it true she does this kind of thing all the time?"

"Yep. Rarity may look like a fashion plate but she's one of the hardest working ponies I know."

"Who's the laziest?" Teagan asked, teasing.

"Rainbow Dash." Twilight and Spike both said instantly, then looked at each other and laughed.

"One of you owes the other a coke." Teagan giggled.

"Huh?" Twilight asked.

"It's a human game. When two people say the same thing at the same time, whichever one of them says 'You owe me a coke' first wins a coke."

"What's a coke?" Spike asked curiously.

"It's a kind of drink, very sugary and it has caffeine like tea so it gives you a pick-me-up." Teagan explained.

"Sounds really good." Twilight said, twitching an ear. "Spike, I thought we got rid of the flies?"

"We did." He replied.

"One must have gotten in. I felt it touch my ear just now." Twilight said. Her flank twitched suddenly. "There it is again!"

"There's nothing there, Twilight." Teagan said. She'd been staring straight at the unicorn and hadn't seen a fly land on her.

"Huh, that's weird. Anyway, what did you need, Teelo?"

"Oh! You said I could borrow one of Spike's backpacks for the mission. I wanted to pack the clothes I'm taking so I'll be ready."

"Great! Spike, would you mind bringing her one of your old ones?"

"No problem!" He trotted toward the stairs.

"Ouch!" Twilight used her tail to swat herself on the back. "Darn fly! It _bit_ me! Did you see where it went, Teelo? I'm going to make sure it goes outside this time!"

"No, Twilight. My eyes are pretty good. I don't see anything flying around." Teagan tried to hide her grin at the fierce look on Twilight's face.

Twilight suddenly spun around in place, like a dog chasing its tail, her horn glowing.

"Got you! Ugh!" She rose into mid-air before stopping her spell and dropping to the floor. The whites of her eyes were showing and her head was lowered, horn level with the ground.

"What the hay! That wasn't a fly!"

"What's the matter?" Teagan asked urgently.

"Just now, I nabbed the fly that's tormenting me. But it wasn't a fly—it was _huge_, bigger than I am. That's why it lifted me in the air."

"But there's nothing here." Teagan protested, looking around frantically. Just then Spike returned, carrying a knapsack.

"Spike, be careful! Something's here and it's invisible!" Twilight said in an urgent voice. Spike's eyes widened.

"Use your breath at the middle of the room!" She commanded. "Teagan, _duck!"_

Teagan crouched, suddenly tense. Cute little three-foot-high Spike suddenly let loose with a twenty-foot long plume of red fire, which licked over their heads. The flame touched something briefly, before there was a _pop!_ noise. The flame moved on, suddenly unimpeded and then died.

"Wow!" She said, staring at Spike. "How did you do that?"

"Dragons can breathe fire." He said briefly, looking around with a worried expression. "Twilight, what was that?"

"A tulpa." She spat, eyes narrowing, but straightening up. "It's gone, Spike. Your flame disrupted it."

"What's a tulpa?" Teagan asked, staring around nervously.

"It's a thought made real." Twilight said angrily. "It's a spell. It takes enormous energy to form one so they aren't used very often. I've only read about them, I've never actually encountered one before. They're usually used for spying."

"So who would want to spy on you? And then make sure you know it was here? That makes no sense." Teagan froze as she realized what she'd just said.

They stared at each other with growing horror.

"Discord." Twilight spat. "I am so angry right now I could kick him through a _wall_."

"Twilight, tell me something." Teagan requested, color draining slowly from her face. Twilight noticed and turned her attention to the girl.

"Would an evil Discord do something like this? He was tormenting you, pretending to be a fly. It started off like a joke and he started getting worse and worse. You said he bit you the last time…"

Twilight looked worried. "He might." Twilight admitted. "Spike, send a letter to Princess Celestia."

"On it!" Spike leaped to a desk and grabbed the quill, dipping it in the inkwell already open and poised over the waiting parchment.

"Dear Princess Celestia, I have just had an encounter with what I believe was a tulpa, probably created by Discord. The actions of this tulpa, coupled with what Teelo has related of her abduction lead me to suspect Discord may have become evil in addition to his normal chaotic personality. I also suggest that you bring us to Canterlot immediately. Your faithful servant, Twilight Sparkle. Send it, Spike!"

Spike rolled the parchment, tossed it and blew fire at it. As before, it vanished in a puff of green fire.

Teagan and Twilight spent a tense couple of minutes staring at each other when Spike did his cat imitation and spat forth fire that coalesced into a parchment.

"My dearest Twilight Sparkle, I understand and agree with your assessment of the situation. I have dispatched four chariots to bring you to Canterlot immediately. Please tell Teelo and the rest of your friends to be ready to leave within the hour."

"Spike! Run to Fluttershy's! Tell her we've been summoned. Have her find Rainbow Dash and then have Rainbow Dash tell Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Applejack. Get back here as soon as you can."

"I'm coming with you?" He asked excitedly.

"Yes. We'll need you on the mission to keep in touch with Princess Celestia. Go!"

"Yes, ma'am!" He saluted and ran out the door.

"Teelo, transfer the clothes you need into the knapsack. Oh, and you'll probably want to take your dress too, to meet Princess Celestia. If I know Rarity she made you one, right?"

Teagan nodded.

"What are you going to do?" She asked the unicorn.

"Scour my books for any last minute information I can find." She said grimly. "I didn't research anything about evil spirits. Looks like I should have."

The unicorn turned to her books, scanning the shelves. Teagan grabbed the knapsack and started thinking about which clothes she was going to take.


	9. Revelations

Chapter 9 – Revelations

Teagan decided to wear her dress and pack the other clothes along with the bunny slippers. Her sandals, while not as stylish as the dress, were definitely a step up from bedroom slippers. She had no idea when or if she would be back in Ponyville. If things went well Princess Celestia might send her home immediately. Fortunately Rarity had put her pajamas in with the other clothes.

She found a secluded nook to change in, doing so as quickly as she could manage. When she had changed she carefully pinned the pegasus broach to her dress. It seemed fitting somehow that Rarity's first gift should grace her second and it added a touch of sophistication. If Teagan was going to meet the ruler of a country she wanted all the refinement she could lay her hands on!

"I still can't believe I'm about to meet a princess. _Another _princess." She muttered as she rearranged things in her knapsack. She couldn't remember if Earth still had any countries still ruled by a prince or princess. Maybe somewhere in the Middle East?

Her musings were interrupted by Spike's return. They were discussing the tulpa when Fluttershy came in, followed closely by Rarity who was wearing decorated saddlebags.

"What's going on?" Fluttershy asked, watching Twilight mutter to herself as a parade of books floated past her face, only to spin away when she angrily dismissed them.

"We had an unfriendly visitor." Teagan replied.

"Oh no! Are you all right?"

"Yeah, Spike managed to send it packing with an amazing display of fire breath." Teagan said. "No telling what would have happened if he hadn't been here."

"My little hero!" Rarity said, giving Spike a hug. The little dragon was immediately lost in dazed happiness.

Teagan laughed inside as Rarity had done exactly what she'd thought she'd do.

"But what was it?" Fluttershy asked insistently.

"Twilight called it a tulpa, a thought made real." Teagan responded. "It was invisible and acted like a fly at first, just annoying her, but the third time it _bit_ her. If Spike hadn't destroyed it who knows what it would have ended up doing?"

"That's terrible!" Fluttershy said, appalled. "Is Twilight ok?"

"Seems to be." Teagan said, watching the purple unicorn amidst her flock of books. "She's _really_ angry, though. She said the tulpa is mainly used as a spy. She also said it takes some serious magic to make one."

"Discord?" Rarity asked apprehensively.

"Looks that way. If it was him though, he's definitely turned evil. I am _not_ looking forward to this mission."

Pinkie Pie came into the library, wearing large saddlebags. She took one look at Twilight and decided, somewhat atypically, to keep quiet. Applejack and Rainbow Dash came in not long after, Applejack sporting even larger saddlebags than Pinkie Pie.

"Howdy, Teelo. Howdy gals." Applejack said in a quiet voice, casting a weather eye on Twilight. "Looks ta me like Twilight's in full research mode. That don't bode well. Ah thought we was done with the plannin'."

Teelo explained about the tulpa and their suspicions about Discord.

"Ah purely hope ta Celestia Twi's wrong on this one, Sugarcube." Applejack said quietly. "Otherwise it's gonna get right nasty. Nasty like in the old days when no pony was safe. Nasty like none o' us ain't never seen afore."

"We kicked his rump last time!" Rainbow Dash said confidently. "We can do it again. No sweat."

"Hope yer right about that, Dashie." Applejack said as they waited for Twilight to finish.

Twilight slammed her hoof down on the desk and all the books snapped shut with a crack like a pistol shot. In spite of her glower the books settled gently onto the desk in neat piles.

"So, Twilight, what did ya find?" Applejack asked hopefully.

"Plenty. Almost none of it good, and nothing that can help us. The one bit of good news is Discord can't be evil. He's the Spirit of Chaos, there's no possible way for him to turn evil. It would be like the color red turning into the musical note C sharp."

"Well, that's good, right?" Pinkie asked with a hopeful smile.

"As far as it goes." Twilight said grimly. "But that still doesn't explain what's going on. Teelo's abductor was evil, there's no arguing that. The tulpa was pretty nasty, too. To be that nasty a tulpa's got to be created by an evil mind. But to deliberately alert us it was here when a tulpa's main job is to spy makes no sense—and that has Discord written all over it."

There was a knock at the door.

"Twilight Sparkle! We're here to transport you and your group to Canterlot!" A booming voice said from the other side of the door.

"Coming!" She called. "Well girls, time to go. Everyone got their stuff?"

Teelo shouldered the heavy knapsack. Twilight's saddlebags floated over and settled onto the unicorn's back. Spike grabbed a backpack nearly as big as he was and they filed out the door.

In the yard were four large two-wheeled wagons pulled by a pair of armored pegasi each. One of the chariots was enclosed, the others open. That Teelo expected.

What she _didn't _expect was the escort of pegasi—there must have been at least twenty of them.

"Whoa." Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Since when do we rate a full wing of royal guards as an escort?"

A brawny white pegasus wearing the typical armor of a royal guard, with the exception of a pair of yellow stars in place of the single blue star adorning the others, stepped forward.

"By the order of Her Grand Royal Highness Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and Sheppard of the Sun, know all ye gathered that Lady Teagan Laoise, scion of Clan O'Gara is under the protective wings of the Sun Shield, and that any seeking to do her harm shall face the Wrath of the Sun."

He faced Teagan and brought one foreleg across his massive chest in a salute reminiscent of the Roman Empire.

"What?" Teagan asked stupidly, totally blindsided.

"My lady, the Princess thought you would be more comfortable with an enclosed chariot. Who would you have as your fellow passenger?"

"Twilight?" Teagan turned to ask the purple unicorn what was going on, only to find all her friends staring at the guard with their mouths hanging open.

"Very well, Lady Teagan, Twilight Sparkle, if you would board the chariot please? We are under orders to bring you to the palace without delay."

"Oh. Yes, of—of course, Wing Commander." Twilight stuttered and headed toward the chariot. Teagan, still bewildered, followed her automatically. The other ponies and Spike made their way to the other chariots.

Inside, there was a padded seat obviously intended for Teagan and a pillow on which Twilight Sparkle flopped, clearly still befuddled.

Teagan grabbed a loop attached to the wall as the chariot suddenly shot forward and began to climb at a gentle angle, as if the pegasi were climbing a steep hill.

"Teelo, who _are _you?" Twilight demanded as the chariot leveled off.

"Nobody special." Teagan replied. "I'm just as shocked as you are. What's all that about the Wrath of the Sun? Sounds serious."

"It means Princess Celestia will declare war on anyone who tries to harm you." Twilight said soberly.

"_What?_" Teelo yelped. "Why in the world would she do something like that?"

"You tell me, scion of Clan O'Gara." Twilight stared at her resentfully. "I thought I was your friend, Teelo. Why keep something like this a secret? Don't you trust me?"

"What? Twilight I have no idea what you're _talking_ about!" Teagan protested.

"At least tell me your real name, Teelo." Twilight looked hurt.

"It's Teagan Laoise O'Gara." Teagan said. "But my friends call me Teelo. Like I told Princess Luna that's the name I'd rather use."

"So you are a scion of Clan O'Gara after all." Twilight said, looking away. "You could have trusted me."

"Twilight, for the last time, I don't know what you're talking about! What's a scion? What does my last name have to do with anything? Does the name Sparkle mean something special? Or Dash? Or Pie? What's so special about O'Gara?"

Twilight looked at her with dawning comprehension.

"You really _don't_ know, do you?" She asked in wonder.

"Know _what?_" Teagan felt like tearing her hair out. This world suddenly was making even less sense than normal—not that it made a lot of sense at the best of times.

"Not a lot of ponies know about Clan O'Gara anymore." Twilight began. "It's a legend from the dawn of pony history. I wouldn't know about it either but I ran across an account in a book written by Starswirl the Bearded."

"Oh no. No, no, no, no, no! There is _not_ some God-forsaken prophecy concerning the coming a scion of Clan O'Gara! Please, Twilight for the love of God tell me there isn't!" Teagan pleaded.

"No." Twilight looked strangely at the girl. "There isn't. It's nothing like that. See, back before pony history began ponies didn't live in Equestria. This was long before Princess Celestia became ruler of the sun and Princess Luna became ruler of the moon."

"It's said ponies lived on a cruel island, where the winters were harsh and food was hard to come by and ponies were slaves of ruthless taskmasters that worked them so hard their lives were cut short from the brutal toil."

"Meanwhile, in a kinder, verdant land lived another kind of pony, far more like Princess Celestia and Princess Luna than a normal pony. They were called the capaill, and they were earth ponies more than anything else_._ They had a ruler much like our Princess Celestia, and her name was Epona."

Teagan frowned. "Epona? That sounds familiar."

"Does it? Anyway, the capaill shared the land with another race called the tuatha—"

"Wait, doggone it! I've heard of the Tuatha! The Tuatha De Danann. The rulers or gods of ancient Ireland."

"What? No, they were just normal creatures, like the capaill, but very clever. The tuatha and the capaill cooperated and lived together peacefully, a lot like ponies and cows do today. Epona was great friends with one particular family of tuatha and they were called—"

"The Clan O'Gara." Teagan said gloomily.

"Right!" Twilight nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh God." Teagan buried her head in her hands. "I see where this is going, Twilight. Just tell me one thing. What's a scion?"

"A descendent of a noble family." Twilight answered promptly.

"Tell me the rest." Teagan said with a groan.

"Well, one day there was an invasion of the land by creatures called—"

"Melesians." Teagan said, sighing.

"Right again." Twilight looked at the girl. "I take it you know this story?"

"Just the human side, Twilight. Why don't you tell me the pony side?"

"All right. The new invaders were very cruel and Epona knew the capaill had no chance if the tuatha fell, and it looked very much like they would, even with the aid of the capaill. The melesians were just too powerful to stop."

"But Epona knew magic, deep ancient magic. She had alliances with creatures that lived deep in the forest. With their aid, she created a kind of bridge, a bridge to another place. But there was a price."

Twilight looked at Teagan, and there was sadness in her eyes.

"The magic required a sacrifice. Neither the capaill nor the tuatha could use the bridge to escape. But part of them could live on, provided they were willing to stay behind and let the bridge carry others."

"Ponies?" Teagan asked softly.

"Ponies." Twilight agreed. "Epona freed as many of the ponies that lived on that cruel barren island as she could, for each pony she freed meant another pony that could carry the essence of a capaill and a tuatha over the bridge even though they themselves had—" Twilight stopped.

"Had what?" Teagan asked, even though deep down she knew.

"Perished." Twilight said. "As a sacrifice, fallen in battle. The Clan O'Gara loved the capaill. Of all the tuatha they loved the capaill the most. The tuatha rode the capaill into battle and each pair fought until—well until they fell. The spell linked their lives so that if either died, so did the other. And then some of their essence magically merged with a pony on the barren island and that pony was transported across the bridge."

"That's so—so tragic." Teagan felt as though she were going to cry.

"I thought so too, until I really thought about it. No one forced them to do it, Teelo. They did it knowing they were doomed anyway. Their willing sacrifice allowed another creature to live. It allowed some part of them to live on too."

"Starswirl called it the dreadful algebra of necessity."

"You see the ponies from that island paid a price too. When they crossed the bridge it changed them, they weren't the same ponies anymore. Because the spirits of a fallen capaill and their rider merged with the pony during the transfer what stepped off the bridge into Equestria was a creature that had never existed before. Part tuatha, part capaill, and part pony."

Twilight looked Teagan. "That's how ponies arrived here in Equestria, Teelo. But at first they weren't exactly like the ponies of today, they were more like the ponies of the old world, except as smart as the tuatha and with the magical potential of the capaill."

"It's also said that on that day the spirits of Epona and her rider Daghda entered into two sister ponies that were carried in their mother's womb across the bridge. Those two sisters were Celestia and Luna."

"Once Celestia and Luna grew up their magic started getting stronger and stronger. Celestia loved the sun and the day while her sister loved the night and the moon. Eventually their powers grew so great they somehow became part of the things they loved and gained control over them."

"One day Celestia discovered a spell that would unlock every pony's potential, so they could become the best they could possibly be. She called it the Great Spell.

After much discussion with her sister and much discussion among all the ponies it was decided she should cast the spell."

Twilight watched Teagan carefully. "That spell transformed every pony in Equestria, Teelo. It created unicorns, and pegasi, and earth ponies. It made Celestia and Luna immortal, and they became our beloved princesses of the sun and moon."

"The spell had a couple of unexpected side effects too." Twilight giggled, her eyes dancing in sudden mischief.

"What side effects?" Teagan asked suspiciously, wondering what was so funny.

"Well, before the Great Spell Starswirl said ponies had muted colors, black, brown, a few white or gray, and roan. But _after _the spell ponies turned every color of the rainbow, most getting two colors and some even more. Bright vibrant colors."

"Oh, so _that's _why you guys look like you got caught in an explosion at a paint factory." Teagan laughed. "I gotta say, Twilight some ponies make my eyes bleed. They're so _bright_."

"Yeah, some ponies really are." Twilight agreed. "Don't tell anypony I said that!"

They laughed and Twilight continued her story.

"The other side effect was actually the main point of the spell. Each pony's potential was unlocked, so they could be the best they could be. When a pony realizes their potential, their cutie mark appears."

"So those tattoo-looking things on your flank actually advertise that you've achieved your full potential? That's pretty awesome."

"Well, not exactly. It means we've discovered the _path_ to our full potential." Twilight said. "Take me, for example. All unicorns have some magic, usually related to their potential, but my potential _is_ magic, so I can learn more magic than other ponies. But although I _can_ learn more, it doesn't mean I _have_. You see?"

"Right. It's kind of like that for humans, too. Some people discover their calling in life, and some never do. Seems like the ones who know what their calling is are always the happiest. But we don't get cutie marks."

Twilight nodded.

"So what the Great Spell did was let _every_ pony learn what their calling was, as you put it." Twilight said. "Starswirl had some other theories about pony nature too. He thought the reason why most ponies are kind natured, yet still strong and proud was because of the heroic sacrifice of the tuatha and the capaill. Because they are forever part of who ponies are, we'll always have heroes."

"That's why Celestia is willing to go to war for you, Teelo. Without Clan O'Gara Equestria would not exist, ponies would not exist, even the Princess herself wouldn't exist. In a very real way ponies are part of Clan O'Gara too. We owe them everything."

"Even if all that's true." Teagan said slowly. "And I am a scion of Clan O'Gara, that doesn't make _me_ anything special. It doesn't mean I'm a hero; it just means I had ancestors who were."

"Really? I think you underestimate yourself. When you faced the manticore, did you cower and scream?" Twilight asked gently.

"Well, no." Teagan admitted.

"Did you panic and run?"

"No. But that was because my dad taught me what to do if I ever encountered a wild animal." Teagan argued.

"I could teach you spells, Teagan, but if you didn't have magical ability you couldn't actually cast them." Twilight said patiently. "Your father could have taught you everything he knew, but if you weren't brave deep down inside, you'd have still panicked."

"Yeah, well, I was _terrified_." Teagan retorted. "Heroes don't get scared like that!"

"Who told you that?" Twilight laughed. "Being a hero isn't about being fearless. It's about doing what you have to when all you really want to do is run away and hide."

"You know, I just realized something else! Discord didn't pick you at random."

"He didn't?" Teagan asked, stomach knotting.

"No. Tell me are you the oldest child of your father's line?" Twilight asked.

"Um, yeah, I guess. I'm an only child." Teagan said. Twilight nodded in satisfaction.

"As the eldest living descendent of Clan O'Gara your link to Equestria was strong enough to let Discord cross over the bridge back to your world."

"You mean this mess is _my_ fault?" Teagan asked, appalled.

"What? No, of course not!" Twilight exclaimed. "Why would you think that?"

"Well if I didn't exist Discord couldn't have used the bridge, right?"

"Then he'd have kidnapped your father instead. Or your grandfather. Would you prefer that?"

"No."

"You see my point. If this mess is anyone's fault, it's Discord's." Twilight said.

"So am I going to have to be the one to fix it?" Teagan asked.

"Not alone, Teelo. You have us." Twilight smiled at the girl. "But be honest. Don't you want a chance at evening the score? The rest of us have already fought him once. I thought we trapped him forever. I'm sorry I was wrong."

"Yeah, I am mad at that monster." Teagan nodded. "And it would be sweet to watch him turn to stone, he does deserve it. But then again, if it hadn't been for him I wouldn't have met all of you. And while I could have done without the manticore and the whole towel thing I must admit the rest has been a lot of fun. I guess every cloud does have a silver lining, huh?"

"You'd have to ask Rainbow Dash about that." Twilight said, grinning.

Teagan burst into laughter just as the chariot tilted downward. There was a bump and the chariot slowed abruptly.

"We're here. Welcome to Canterlot, Teelo." Twilight said with a smile as the back of the chariot opened.


	10. The Bunny Slippers Of Doom

Chapter 10 – The Bunny Slippers Of Doom

Teagan emerged from the chariot to find her friends already gathered together. She and Twilight joined them and the pegasus guards closed in around them protectively.

"Greetings, Lady Teagan." A dark gray earth pony with dark green mane and tail bowed to her. She noticed his cutie mark was a gold pocket watch and he had a pair of horn rimmed glasses balanced on his wide nose. A brace of slender saddlebags was draped over his back, from which protruded a number of notebooks and writing implements.

She tried to keep her smile warm and friendly and stifle the laugh that threatened to overwhelm her. He reminded her of a pony version of Alfred, Batman's butler.

"I am Pinstripe Tock, the Royal Organizer." He said, somewhat pompously. "The Princess has requested your group be given accommodations during your stay at Canterlot Castle. I have arranged for you to stay in the Ghrian Suite, which I'm sure you will find quite satisfactory. I am informed their Royal Highnesses are eager to speak with you once you've been settled. If you will follow me, please?"

Teagan found the experience enlightening. She and her friends walked after the gray earth pony through the doors and into what she could only think of as Cinderella's Castle. The hallways were soaring and arched, at least two stories tall. Two of _her _stories, she bet it was three by pony standards. The floors were marble and patterned in a checkerboard of rose and spring green. The walls were white and covered with artwork, from portraits to landscapes to abstracts. Pedestals holding small sculptures were common, as were larger pieces.

Teagan felt a haunting sense of familiarity, not as though she'd been here before, but as if she'd suddenly run across a McDonalds while visiting Italy. It wasn't that she knew _this_ castle—it was more like she was at home in places like this.

Which was ridiculous, of course, she'd never set foot in a castle in her life.

But the feeling of familiarity wouldn't go away, like a buzzing fly trapped by a window.

Once they reached the suite Teagan discovered her status as scion of Clan O'Gara was a much bigger deal than even the guard escort had prepared her to believe. The suite itself was _huge_, almost a mini-mansion within the castle. It consisted of a dozen bedrooms, each with its own sitting room and bathing facility, along with a private dining room big enough for two dozen diners. There was also a study for private meetings.

She even had a pair of chambermaids, or so the two young mares identified themselves. One was a unicorn the other an earth pony. They were named Pentas and Lantana respectively. Pentas took her knapsack and before she could blink had transferred the contents into a large dresser.

Lantana busied herself building a fire, which would have been fascinating to watch, but Pinstripe Tock gently cleared this throat.

"Their Royal Highnesses are waiting, Lady Teagan. The maids will attend to your friends' belongings as well as your own, we should be going now."

"Of course. I wouldn't want to keep the Princesses waiting." Teagan managed another friendly smile, keeping her composure in place with white knuckled determination.

_We're going to see both of them? At once? This must be a bigger mess than I thought._

Teagan kept her face pleasantly neutral as Pinstripe lead the group from the suite. Half a dozen of the Sun Shield flanked the group, faces rigidly serious, two on each side and two behind them. Teagan knew they were there to protect her, but it still sent cold chills down her spine that the Princess thought she needed this much muscle to keep her safe inside the castle itself.

What was the mission going to be like?

"I can't believe she gave us the _Ghrian_ Suite." Twilight said, keeping her voice low.

"Why? What's special about it?" Teagan asked from the corner of her mouth.

"If you don't count the Princesses' own private chambers the Ghrian Suite is the finest in the castle. It's reserved for use by diplomatic envoys of important Equestrian allies when they visit." Twilight said quietly.

"You do realize that scares the crap out of me, right?" Teagan said in a low voice so Pinstripe and the guards couldn't hear. "You guys may rate something like that but I'm just a schoolgirl that got myself kidnapped. I'd be a lot happier in Fluttershy's guestroom."

Twilight snorted in amusement. "What makes you think we rate something like the Ghrian Suite? I may be Princess Celestia's personal student but trust me—my old quarters were nowhere near that luxurious. The Ponyville Library's a lot bigger and has more books."

"Trust you to use books to measure luxury." Teagan chuckled in spite of herself. "You want to hear something weird?"

"What?"

"One of the games my dad taught me was called Guess The Turn. I've been playing it as we've been walking—and I haven't been wrong yet."

"Why is that weird?" Twilight asked.

"Because I've never been here before. I should lose at least half the time." Teagan answered. "Watch. He'll go left."

Their guide indeed turned left.

"Next staircase we go down." Teagan said. They came to a broad staircase and their guide lead them down it.

"Those doors, they lead to the throne room, right?" Teagan asked softly.

"Yes. How did you know that?" Twilight asked, pricking her ears forward alertly.

"No idea. Ever since we got here I've had the most annoying sense that all this is familiar. Not so much this particular castle, but castles in general."

"Lady Teagan, we are about to enter the throne room." Pinstripe Tock said haughtily. "Since the princesses are expecting your arrival the correct protocol is to walk forward until you are about ten feet from the base of the throne dais, then bow and address first Princess Celestia, then Princess Luna. The correct form of address is _Your Royal Highness_ for both Princesses on your first address. Subsequently you may address them as _Your Highness_ or reply to their questions using _ma'am_. If you should find yourself forgetting protocol, you may address them simply as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Although this is considered a faux pas it is still adequate courtesy."

"Do you have any questions, Lady Teagan?"

"No, that seems simple enough. Thank you for the information, Pinstripe Tock."

"You're quite welcome, Lady Teagan."

He gestured to one of the gray unicorn guards flanking the door. Without changing expression or moving the two guards' horns lit up and the massive throne room doors swung open silently.

Pinstripe Tock led them into the huge throne room. It was literally the length of a football field and absolutely _filled _with elegantly dressed ponies of all colors and types.

Teagan felt her stomach knot as she followed the dapper earth pony toward the throne. About a dozen strides into the massive room he stopped and announced in a surprisingly loud voice:

"Your Royal Highnesses, gentle colts and ladies of the court, may I present Lady Teagan Laoise, scion of Clan O'Gara, and also the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack."

Teagan thought her heart was going to stop.

Every single eye in the throne room turned to watch them. It took every bit of courage Teagan had to take that first step forward under the massed gaze of the royal court. But the second was easier and the blush was gone by the time Pinstripe Tock stepped aside and bowed, motioning them forward with his foreleg.

She stopped at the correct distance and made a deep curtsey, lifting her skirts slightly.

"Greetings, your Royal Highness Celestia. It's an honor to meet you. Greetings Your Royal Highness Luna, it is a great pleasure to meet you again."

"Greetings, Lady Teagan. We are deeply honored to have a scion of Clan O'Gara set foot in Canterlot for the first time in Equestria's long history." Princess Celestia said in a warm gentle voice that none the less carried to the far corners of that gigantic room. "My sister informs me that you prefer to be called Teelo, is that correct?"

"Yes, ma'am, by those I like or those I respect. I would be honored to count you in that number."

"Then I would be happy to do so, Lady Teelo." The white winged unicorn said. She stood up and gracefully walked down the steps of the dais. A whisper ran through the room as if her action surprised the watchers.

Celestia was a good six feet tall; she towered over every other pony in the room, even the massive royal guards. Her horn was well over two feet in length and yes, needle sharp, Teagan noted. Just like her sister, Celestia was a living spear, one the size of a tall horse.

She had purple eyes and a massive golden collar set with a large purple gem. Her wings were huge in comparison to other pegasi.

The thing that really made Teagan's breath catch in her throat was the Princess's mane and tail. They were enormous waves of colored light instead of hair, constantly waving in a wind that affected nothing else. The alicorn radiated a sense of peace that made Teagan never want to leave her presence.

"_Nach bhfuil dearmad Capaill._" Celestia said softly, then stepped forward and draped her head over Teagan's shoulder in a gentle embrace.

The Princess was warm, like the sun on your face. Instinctively Teagan reached up and caressed the alicorn's neck then hugged her back.

The throne room erupted in a storm of gasps and outraged murmurs. The alicorn held the embrace for a few more seconds then released Teagan, who reluctantly let go.

"My subjects do not approve." The Princess whispered and _winked_, smiling. Her words were almost inaudible amid the outraged hum of hushed conversation that still ran around the room. None of the royal guards had moved a muscle during the encounter, staring straight ahead, seemingly oblivious.

It was then Teagan realized what she'd done. _She had actually hugged a royal princess in her own throne room_. And not just any princess, an immortal goddess who had ruled Equestria since their history began. In front of her entire court, no less.

She was so dead.

Teagan felt the blood drain from her face as she noticed Luna walk purposefully down the dais steps to join her sister.

"It is good to have a scion of Clan O'Gara in Equestria, Lady Teelo." Luna boomed. _Now_ she understood why Luna spoke the way she did. It was simply so everyone in this cavernous room could hear her.

_She must spend a lot of her time here then_, Teagan thought.

"The honor is mine, Princess Luna." Teagan replied. Formally, almost hesitantly Luna stepped forward and put her head over Teagan's other shoulder, embracing her like her sister had done. Where Celestia had been warm like the sun, Luna was cool, exuding a sense of mystery, even excitement. Figuring she'd already burned all her bridges Teagan gently hugged the dark blue alicorn as she had her sister.

She felt the muscles under her arms twitch, then relax. Luna pulled back and Teagan let go.

"It has been far too long since we parted from Clan O'Gara." Luna boomed. "It is good to meet long sundered kin."

The volume of buzzing conversation doubled with Princess Luna's comment. Teagan caught the two sisters' half smiles and suddenly realized they were _deliberately_ tweaking the noses of their court. She relaxed, realizing she hadn't committed _lese majesty_.

Princess Celestia turned her attention to the court.

"Know, my faithful subjects," She addressed them using the Royal Canterlot Voice, which seemed to shock the court into instant silence, "that Lady Teagan is under our royal protection. Any creature that offers her harm will suffer the Wrath of the Sun."

The silence was absolute. The ponies of the court stood stock still, staring, some with open mouths.

"Lady Teelo, my faithful student Twilight Sparkle, we need to confer with you and your friends. Come with us please." The princess spoke softly. "There is much to discuss."

ooOoo

Back in the Ghrian suite the two maids had long since finished their tasks and left the room. Pentas had placed Teagan's bunny slippers by the head of the bed to wait for their owner's return. The lights had been extinguished so the only illumination was cast by the flickering fire.

The bunny slippers eyes popped open and peered around. Seeing no one each slipper grinned, a feral grin that bared lots of teeth. Legs suddenly sprouted from the slippers and they scurried to the closest open window, hopping through it and falling five stories to the grassy knoll below, landing as softly as normal slippers would have.

Sniffing about the two creatures found the scent they were seeking and scuttled away, chittering with mad delight.

Five stories above the empty suite was quiet, the only sound the crackling of the fire in the hearth.

ooOoo

Princess Celestia led the group around the back of the throne dais to an inconspicuous door which opened with a glow from her horn. A long hallway led to a T intersection, and Celestia went left.

Several turns later they entered what Teagan took to be a conference room. There was a table surrounded by cushions and two padded stools, one larger than the other.

Princess Celestia gracefully indicated that Teagan should take the larger stool and Spike the smaller. She seated herself on Teagan's left. Teagan vaguely remembered that being on Celestia's right was supposed to be an honor. Sitting in Celestia's aura was giving her a contact high, especially each time the light of her mane happened to touch the girl.

Luna was on Celestia's left and Twilight Sparkle was between Teagan and Spike, with the other ponies arranging themselves at random. Rarity ended up next to Luna.

"I thought I'd begin by telling all of you what my Horns have discovered. Then my faithful student you can tell me your latest findings."

"Of course, Princess Celestia." Twilight said, almost vibrating with attention.

Princess Celestia composed herself for a moment and then began.

"Upon receiving your initial letter I immediately inspected Discord's statue but found nothing amiss. No one had tampered with it and there was no magical activity that I could detect. My Horns spent two days going over the statue."

"What are Horns, Your Highness?" Teagan asked.

"They're a group of magical investigators, Lady Teelo. Unicorns trained to detect evidence of the faintest magical activity." The princess explained. "Twilight, are you familiar with the Bridge of Days?" Celestia asked her student.

"Yes, Princess Celestia. As it happens I was telling Teelo that story on the way to Canterlot."

"The Bridge Of Days is how our ancestors came to Equestria at the dawn of our history." She explained to the other ponies, who'd clearly never heard the story. "It is a long sad tale, one of tragedy and triumph, so much so that I do not have the heart to relate it to you. The Bridge of Days has been all but forgotten by ponies today, and perhaps this is just as well."

"However, the day Teelo arrived I was awakened by a pulse of magic from the Bridge. That is why Twilight's report of a stranger found in the Everfree Forest made me profoundly uneasy. I began investigating using both the Horns and my own abilities. There is a strong bond between her and the Bridge. We were able to use that bond to discover her true name and a number of details about her abduction. That's also when we discovered how Discord had managed to bring her here."

Princess Celestia regarded Teagan with a look of sympathy.

"There is good news and there is bad news, I'm afraid. The good news is once this has been settled I will be able to return you back across the bridge."

"I'll be able to go home? That's the best news I've had since he kidnapped me!"

"What's the bad news, Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked.

"Discord wasn't the one who kidnapped her. In fact, as far as we can determine he is still locked in his prison, unable to affect the outside world in any way."

"It was definitely a male voice." Teagan said. "I did feel his claws and he was talking about chaos, and not being able to predict what would happen next. From what Twilight tells me it pretty much had to be him. Unless there's another chaos spirit?"

"No. But I did discover a faint link between Discord and the Bridge of Days. It is nearly undetectable. Discord couldn't have crossed the Bridge of Days himself. In fact the link is so tenuous no creature, no matter how small, could have used it to cross."

"What about a tulpa?" Twilight asked, bringing her ears forward. "Tulpas don't have mass, they're immaterial. And they can certainly touch things—that tulpa _bit_ me."

"That is very possible, my faithful student. What it does not explain is how Discord was able to discover the Bridge of Days, how he managed to do so from inside his prison, or how he managed to fashion a tulpa, bound as he is. There are only a handful of magic users powerful enough to even talk to Discord now, much less accomplish this. My sister, myself, and the leader of the Horns could do so. One or two other rulers whose kingdoms lay many weeks journey from here also have sufficient power."

"If it had been one of these I would have known."

"So what you're saying is there's an unknown magic user who is almost as powerful as you are but so sneaky you can't detect them?" Teagan asked apprehensively.

"That bodes ill." Luna said, for once not speaking loudly.

"I fear that is the case, Lady Teelo." Celestia admitted. "This is why I dare not return you across the Bridge. Until we know what is going on it would be too dangerous."

"This is all about me, isn't it?" Teagan said heavily. "Somehow I'm the key to whatever this mysterious magician is planning. I'm this scion thing, a link between our worlds. Tell me, Princess; does my being here create a strain in reality or something?"

"What do you mean?" Princess Celestia was giving Teagan her full attention, which meant Teagan wasn't asking a stupid question. And that scared her.

"The fact I crossed over the bridge physically, does that make the link something like a big rubber band stretched tight? Could that, I dunno, be used like a battery to cast some big spell?"

"It might." Luna said thoughtfully. "But we cannot see what purpose it could serve."

"Destroy the Bridge, maybe?" Teagan asked. "What would happen if the Bridge was broken?"

The two sisters stared at each other with concerned expressions.

"The energy unleashed would probably kill both Luna and myself and lay waste to Equestria. Perhaps the old world as well." Celestia said, looking troubled. Her words left the others in shock.

"Would Discord want that to happen? Could something like that break him out of his prison?" Teagan asked.

"Almost certainly. The destruction of the Bridge of Days would certainly destroy the Elements of Harmony and it is their power that keeps him trapped."

"Well, we've nailed down method and motive, now all that's missing is opportunity." Teagan said.

"What are you talking about, darling?" Rarity asked, puzzled.

"When you want to prove someone committed a crime you need to prove they had a motive, an opportunity, and a method of committing the crime." Teagan explained. "We know Discord wants out of prison. We know how he could do it, what we don't know is what opportunity he needs to actually pull it off."

"Were you an investigator in your world, Lady Teelo?" Celestia asked, smiling.

"No, but I've watched a lot of cop shows." Teagan said, blushing. "Of course I might be wrong but it does fit everything we know."

"It does indeed. Frighteningly well." The princess nodded. The fact Celestia was agreeing with her made Teagan swallow. If she _were _right they faced the end of the world.

And somehow she and a half-dozen talking ponies were supposed to stop it? Right…

"So back to this mystery magician for a minute. Is it reasonable to think they somehow snuck into the palace, right under Princess Celestia's nose, conspired with Discord to free him, and then sent a tulpa over the Bridge to bring me here?" Teagan asked.

"What bothers me," Applejack spoke up, "is Ah can't see what's in it fer the mystery mage. How do they get their two bits if'n the world goes boom? Less'n they was just that ornery."

"Say that again." Twilight said suddenly.

"What? Ornery?" Applejack asked.

"Not ornery. _Angry_." She corrected. "What if our mystery mage isn't in it for money? What if they want revenge?"

"Revenge on the whole world?" Fluttershy asked. "How could anypony be that angry? Wouldn't they suffer along with everypony else?"

"Not if Discord was in charge." Teagan said grimly. "He's powerful enough to make sure his friend had whatever they wanted. A kingdom of their own, maybe? Servants to wait on them hand and foot? A stable part of the world while Discord plays with the rest? I bet they'd have their pick of ponies _begging_ to become slaves just to get out of the chaos."

"I likes you jes fine, Sugarcube, but sometimes I just gotta wonder what kinda world you come from that you can think all villain-y like that." Applejack commented in the shocked silence.

"Is it a dumb idea?" Teagan challenged the pony.

"Nay, Lady Teelo. When we were consumed by Nightmare Moon many such thoughts did crawl through our mind like maggots." Princess Luna said heavily. "We, at least, have no trouble understanding such a mind, having fallen prey to madness ourselves."

"I want to see him." Teagan said suddenly. Princess Celestia looked grave.

"Are you certain, Lady Teelo? Would it not distress you?" The white alicorn asked gently.

"No, Princess, it won't. I want to see this monster. I want to look him in the eye and rap my knuckles on his stone flesh and know he's still trapped. Then I'll be able to sleep tonight."

The sisters exchanged glances.

"Sister Tia, we think Lady Teelo needs to do this. Indeed, if we ever doubted she was the scion of Clan O'Gara we do so no longer."

"Very well. Everyone please gather in a circle, I'll take us to the garden." The princess commanded. When they had obeyed Celestia's horn emitted a flash of light and they were in the garden, dimly lit by moonlight.

"Is that him?" Teagan asked, seeing a serpentine white blob in the darkness. "Is there any more light?"

"Not a problem." Twilight answered, her horn starting to glow brightly. Rarity joined her and both Celesta and Luna graciously lit their horns as well.

"Thank you." Teagan said and moved forward. From the light of the unicorn horns she could see the statue quite easily. Studying it for a moment, she burst out laughing.

"Lady Teelo?" Princess Celestia was clearly taken aback. "Are you all right?"

"I was scared of _this_?" Teagan asked scornfully. "That has got to be the _dumbest _look I have ever seen! Imagine being turned to stone with that look on your face for all eternity!"

Contemptuously she moved forward and lightly punched Discord in his stone stomach.

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie said excitedly. "Big old Meanie! We sure showed him! Teelo's right, that's a dopey expression! Not to mention he's wearing _bunny slippers_." She fell on her back and laughed hysterically, waving all four legs in the air. "Who wears bunny slippers to rule the world?"

Teelo looked down and nearly fainted.

"Oh crap!" She yelled, scrambling backward frantically. "Princess! Discord's free!" She didn't know how, but she knew with stone cold certainty she was right.

The bunny slippers opened their eyes and began to laugh, a horrible chittering laugh that got louder and deeper as the slippers started to expand, slowly covering the statue's legs. As they did they started to change color, one leg green the other tan. The smooth marble turned to scales and fur as the slippers grew like a time-lapse movie of moss growing. It rapidly raced up his body as the laughter drew deeper and deeper until the final trace of white vanished. The stiffness of a statue faded away and became the boneless grace of a serpent uncoiling.

The monster threw back his head and the mad laughter was replaced by a scream, half dragon, half pony, _all_ rage.

His head came down and focused on the group in front of him and he smiled an insanely cheerful smile. Extending one eagle-like talon he pointed at Teagan and the massed ponies.

"Bang. I win." He said.

A massive blaze of lightning stabbed out of the sky and slammed into the group. It threw Teagan a dozen feet away to land in a dazed aching heap.

Her ears ringing too loudly to hear anything, half blind from the flash, she looked back toward Discord as he floated upward. She could see that Luna was down, and her friends were scattered across the garden. They weren't moving.

Only Princess Celestia was stirring, she staggered to her hooves and glared up at Discord.

"Oh my, Celestia, are you not feeling well?" Discord asked sweetly. The alicorn's horn flared and her wings snapped out, ready to lift her into battle.

"Oh no, no, no, that won't do at all!" Discord shook his head and snapped his fingers. Instantly something silvery whipped out of the ground and enveloped the alicorn, who screamed. A bubble of light exploded from her body, forcing the silver strands away from her. They slithered like hungry tentacles over the surface of the bubble screeching like nails on a chalkboard.

"You _lose_, Celestia!" Discord bellowed in a voice that any demon would have envied. It was echoing and discordant and sounded as though more than one person was speaking. "I win! You stole this world from me once you filthy brood mare and now I'm taking it back!

The tentacles tightened, causing the light bubble to shrink.

"_Never!_" The alicorn screamed in defiance, but stood blowing as though she had run a race. Her horn still pointed defiantly at Discord, not wavering. The bubble shrank further as the tentacles tightened their grip. More sprang from the ground and joined the rest, causing the alicorn to tremble from the added pressure.

Lines of dripping red crisscrossed Princess Celestia's heaving flanks. She was bleeding from multiple slashes across her body.

Teagan got to her feet and staggered toward the trapped alicorn. She didn't have a plan, she was moving on instinct. When she got close enough she stopped in shock. Feeling sick to her stomach she stared at the silver tentacles, finally recognizing them.

Barbed wire.

Princess Celestia was encased in a net of living barbed wire, her bubble just inches away from her skin. And from the look of things she wasn't going to be able to hold the bubble very much longer.


	11. The Wager

Chapter 11 – The Wager

Teagan had never been able to handle stress well. Watching the horrible tangle of twisting death straining to cut Princess Celestia to ribbons was a level of trauma she'd never dreamed existed. It wasn't _fair_. She was the alicorn's only hope and there was literally nothing she could do and it was driving her insane with fear and despair. She needed something to distract Discord until Luna recovered. She had no idea if Luna could do anything but it was the only thing she could think of.

The stress was making Teagan angry. Angry enough to want to hurt that arrogant smirking monster who was gloating from his lofty perch like some school yard bully.

_Wait a minute! Bully! That's it! Now what was that insult the bronies were always throwing around? Ah…_

"Hey, _plot hole!" _She moved directly under Discord. As she'd hoped he looked down between his feet, peering at her and temporarily forgetting Celestia.

"What did you call me?" He asked, puzzled.

"Plot hole! And if you're too stupid to figure out what that means don't expect me to explain it!"

"What do you want, brat? I'm busy conquering the world here." Discord asked, obviously annoyed. There was a flash from behind her and sudden _shring_ of screeching steel that made Teagan's blood run cold. She spun around, seeing the net of barbed wire lying collapsed and flat on the ground, still moving sluggishly.

"Now look what you did! Celestia slipped away, the little minx. Oh well, no matter. I'll hunt her down later. As for _you—" _He started to say. Teagan cut him off.

"I guess they lied to me then!" She shouted up at the Chaos Spirit. "They said you always played fair! That you lived for mind games! Always matching wits with your enemies! I guess that got old after they proved you weren't very good at it! _Twice!_"

"_What?_" He roared. He suddenly fell toward her, making her leap back desperately. His landing shook the ground.

"You little _nothing!" _He snarled. "How dare you impugn my intelligence, you stupid smelly ape! My intellect is far superior to those mewling ponies!" He pointed to where Luna and the others lay unmoving.

"I am the most cunning creature in all of Equestria! Celestia thought she could cage me in stone and that insufferable Twilight Sparkle thought she'd bested me. _Me!_ Well look at her _now_, brat! I tricked every one of you and it was _you, _you brainless twit, who carried me straight into the heart of my enemies! You played right into my hands, you trusting pathetic fool!"

"Dumb luck." She sneered. "You tricked a helpless frightened girl. That doesn't take brains. That takes a douche bag of epic proportions!"

Teagan wasn't frightened now, she was enraged. She was beginning to worry the ponies weren't just unconscious and that threw gasoline on the flames of her fury.

"Yet here we stand." Discord said, suddenly chuckling. "I am the victor and you are the spoiled little girl who's whining because the big bad Meanie took her ponies away." He stuck out his tongue and wriggled it like a snake.

"Well, I'm not helpless now and I'm not scared of you, you freak! You want to try matching wits with me? Or are you afraid you'll lose to a stupid smelly ape, you one-trick pony?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Discord scoffed. "I've _won_. Why should I bother matching wits with an unarmed opponent? What's in it for me? I already have everything I want."

"Really?" Teagan laughed scornfully. "Except the one thing you'll never have again."

"And what's that?" Discord asked, yawning.

"A challenge." Teagan said, with a smile that held no amusement, just teeth.

"And you think you can give me that?" He scoffed.

"Ok then. Let's say you're right. Let's say you really have won and this time it's for keeps. What are you going to do for the rest of eternity, Discord? If you create the levels of chaos you really want you'll kill every living thing in Equestria. Then you'll be _alone_. With no one to test you ever again. No mind games. No challenges. Just you and your chaos. Alone. _Forever_."

"Hmm." Discord said, doubt creeping into his eyes. "What's the game to be then, brat?"

"We fight you, me and my friends. We win—you go back to your stone prison until you manage to escape again, which I'm thinking's not gonna happen for a long, _long_ time."

"And if I win?" Discord asked, eyes turning yellow as he rubbed his hands together.

"You learn some restraint and leave part of Equestria alone so the ponies can live. That way you'll never run out of creatures whose _only_ goal in life is challenging you—over and over and over again."

"I must say it's an intriguing offer." Discord said, tapping his chin with a claw tipped talon. "But how can you speak for the ponies? Won't Celestia get just a bit peeved you're horning in on her gig? You know, speaking for all pony kind? Oh wait, _horning in_," He laughed, his anger evaporating in a mercurial mood change.

"I accept!" He announced suddenly. He snapped his fingers and the ponies jerked and started struggling to their feet, even Princess Luna.

"But there's gonna be some rule changes!" He said sternly. "First, I'm going to make sure you can't use those blasted Elements of Harmony to defeat me. You want a fair fight, well you _got_ it, brat!"

"Fine, in that case I get to utilize every pony in Equestria against you. All their skills. All their knowledge."

"No fair! That's thousands against one." Discord protested.

"You _said_ you were the greatest intellect in all of Equestria." Teagan smirked. "Not so cocky now are we, oh great and all-powerful Discord?"

"All right, fine. But if you try and cheat the deals off. No defeating me with the Elements of Harmony."

"Agreed. But after you're defeated, we use them to seal you away."

"Yes, yes, yada-yada. But if you try to use them before I'm defeated—" He smiled an evil smile. "Well let's just say your friends might lose their heads in the heat of the moment."

"What?" Teagan asked, eyes narrowing.

"Just a little artwork, perfectly harmless. See for yourself. Oh Twilight, be a dear and trot over here, would you?" He called cheerfully.

The purple unicorn stalked over, her horn glowing brightly, obviously locked and loaded.

"What's going on? Are you all right?" Twilight asked. Behind her Luna and the other Bearers gathered in a tight knot.

"What have you _done?_" Teagan snarled turning on Discord after seeing his "artwork".

"Why nothing at all, my dear Teelo. Just a harmless, oh what do you call them?"

"Tattoo." She ground out.

"Right! Just a harmless little tattoo. And it will _remain_ harmless unless they try to use the Elements of Harmony. But if they do that, well—" He shrugged. "Cheaters never prosper." He drew a talon across his throat in an unmistakable universal gesture.

"What's he talking about?" Twilight asked suspiciously. "What's a tattoo?"

"I'm sure she'll be glad to illuminate you on everything that happened while you were napping, my dear Twilight. Little Teelo, I shall await you at the Graveyard Of The Forgotten in the Forsaken Forest."

"You don't get to call me that." She growled. "I am Lady Teagan Laoise, scion of Clan O'Gara to you, monster. I don't like you, I certainly don't respect you, and the next time I see you I will do my damndest to send you straight to Hell!"

"_Ooh_, scary!" Discord cringed and then laughed. "Till we meet again, _Lady_ Teagan!" Mockingly he saluted her and vanished.

"What's going on, Teelo? Where's Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked nervously as the others joined them.

"Oh God!" Teagan spun to face Princess Luna. "Discord trapped her when she tried to fight him! She got cut up pretty bad but then threw up a bubble of light. I managed to distract Discord for a couple of seconds and she teleported out. I have no idea where she is, but she was _bleeding_. She had cuts all over her! _Big _ones!"

Luna threw up her head in alarm and her horn flickered like a bad fluorescent bulb. Pinkie Pie looked like she was ready to cry and Applejack hung her head.

"She is safe!" Luna announced after a few seconds. "I have just spoken with her. She teleported to the armory, Sun Hammer is guarding her. I have contacted Spring Water and sent her to tend my sister."

"Oh thank God." Teagan slumped, so relieved she thought she was going to faint. "She was in really bad shape when I saw her, Princess. If she hadn't teleported out—" Teagan shuddered and tried not to start crying.

"My sister thanks you for saving her life, Lady Teagan." Luna said quietly. "She says your taunting Discord distracted him just long enough. Equestria owes you more than we can ever repay." She bowed her head to Teagan, a graceful sweep of her horn.

"What did Discord _do?"_ Twilight demanded angrily. "How did he hurt Princess Celestia?"

"You don't want to know." Teagan said, shaking her head and wiping her eyes.

"Yes, I really do." Twilight's voice was low and threatening, and a gleam of light ran up and down her horn.

"It was living barbed wire." Teagan said, hugging the purple unicorn. "I'm so sorry, Twilight. I didn't want to tell you."

"What's barbed wire?" Applejack asked with an edge to her voice.

"You don't have it here? No, of course you don't." Teagan let go of Twilight and straightened, reluctantly facing the orange earth pony.

"It's just what it sounds like, Applejack. Thick wire that's had sharp wire barbs twisted around it every couple of feet."

Applejack's eyes widened. "Who in tarnation would wanna make sumthin' like that?" She asked in horror. "What's it fer?"

"Fences. See, my world doesn't have any creatures other than humans who can think. Big animals can push down normal fences. But with a barbed wire fence they try to push and the barbs prick them so they don't try it again."

"That's terrible!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "Those poor animals!"

"It doesn't really hurt them, Fluttershy. They back off before the barbs do anything but make a tiny little pinprick. They don't try more than a couple of times. After that they go somewhere else."

"So why did the Princess get so cut up then?" Applejack asked suspiciously. "If'n he just fenced her in then she coulda just flew over it!"

"No, Applejack. That's not what he did." Teagan tried not to remember the coiling twisting mass of living metal that had spun around and slashed the captive alicorn…

"You know what a tentacle is?" Teagan asked her quietly.

"Can't say Ah does." Applejack replied, eyeing her.

"All right, imagine a rose bush, lots of long thin branches, all covered in thorns, right?"

Applejack nodded.

"Imagine those branches can move like snakes, only really, really _fast_. Now imagine what would happen if they were barbed wire and whipped around a pony's body—dozens of them. And then imagine them _squeezing_."

Applejack's eyes grew wide. "That's what happened ta the Princess?" She asked, sickened.

Teagan nodded, not able to say anything more. Rarity closed her eyes and shuddered violently. Fluttershy just trembled.

"Discord was a big Meanie before." Pinkie Pie said slowly. "But even he wouldn't have done _that_. Nopony would ever do _that! _Would they?" She begged Teagan with her eyes.

"Yes, Pinkie, he did that." Teagan said. "Still believe Discord can't turn evil, Twilight?"

"It's not possible." Twilight said.

"Why don't you tell Princess Celestia that when you see her?" Teagan snapped. "I'm sure it will make her feel _much_ better."

Twilight flinched.

"I'm sorry, Twilight. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it, please forgive me." Teagan apologized, taking a half step toward the unicorn.

"No, it's ok." Twilight said. "You're right, Discord turned evil. Somehow. But it just doesn't make any _sense_."

"Since when does Discord have to make sense? Princess Luna, you said Princess Celestia is in the armory?"

"Yes, Lady Teagan."

"That's where you keep the weapons isn't it?"

"That is so." Luna nodded gravely.

"Good. Because right now I want one. Think you can arrange that?"

"Oh yes. We know the Keeper personally. This way, everypony." Luna set off, trailed by the small dispirited herd and one very angry teenage girl.

It took fifteen minutes to reach the armory, only to find their way barred by the scariest looking pony Teagan had ever seen, on Earth or Equestria.

He was as big as Luna, but built broad like a pony, not slender like a horse. He was a roan pony, with a black tail and mane. That mane was coarse and thick, hanging shaggy and untrimmed. He looked like a pony from Teagan's world. One ear was mangled and he wore an eye patch over the eye on the same side. There was a long scar that ran from his eye patch down his neck and over his enormous chest. More scars covered the front of his body, and his left leg was a mass of scar tissue, lacking fur from his hoof to his knee. More scars ran up from the knee onto his shoulder.

He was an earth pony, lacking horn or wings. The glare he gave the group made Teagan think he was going to charge them where they stood.

"Nae further!" He bellowed—baring teeth and laying his ears back. "Nae further, I say! Or ye'll be facin' the wrath of Sun Hammer, the daith o' the Troll King!"

"Sun Hammer! It is we, Princess Luna. We would see our sister, let us pass."

"An how dae I ken ye be who ye say ye be, ya great blue beastie?" Sun Hammer challenged, rearing and slashing the air with his front hooves. Metal glittered at their edges.

Teagan was glad she was _behind_ Luna. This mad Scottish pony could tear her apart in a heartbeat.

"**DO YOU RECOGNIZE US NOW, YOU ILL-BRED OAF?**" Princess Luna shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice. The back blast was painful. Teagan had only _thought_ the Princess was speaking loudly before, now she knew the awful truth.

"Aye, so I dae, Princess. No other pony hiv such a loud mouth on 'em." Sun Hammer said, stepping aside. As he did Teagan saw his cutie mark, a brown and steel-colored war hammer next to a golden sun on a blue patch of sky.

"Who's the long skinny quine then?" He asked, catching sight of Teagan.

"Sun Hammer, may we present Lady Teagan Laoise, scion of Clan O'Gara." Princess Luna said in her most formal tones.

"Lady Teagan, may I present Sun Hammer: Keeper of the Armory, Hero to the Crown and Champion of the Sun."

"Clan O'Gara is it?" Sun Hammer eyed her with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. "Seems laik the Bridge o' Days be nae but a shade o' itself if this midge is all it could bear intae the world."

"Be wary, Sun Hammer." Princess Luna chuckled. "Appearances may deceive. She is the one who saved our sister not an hour past when Discord had laid all of us low save my sister and Lady Teagan."

Sun Hammer snorted, but relaxed. "Aye. Wis well done, lassie, true 'nough. Ye have ma thanks."

"You can thank me by giving me a weapon to beat the snot out of Discord." She growled.

"Aye? A truly wad love a seat at that table, so A would." Sun Hammer chuckled, a rumbling sound. "Princess, A think thon quine is a growin' on me."

The group entered a large room where they found a very bedraggled Princess Celestia being tended by a light blue earth pony with white mane and tail. The pony was just finishing the last bandage.

"There! All done, Your Highness. Are you sure you'll be able to heal yourself tomorrow?"

"Don't worry Spring Water." Celestia assured the fussing earth pony. "Once I raise the sun I'll spend the day recuperating. I'll be healed by evening, you have my word."

"Yes, well, not that I would dare doubt _your_ word, Princess Celestia, but I've heard those same words from many a patient before!" The earth pony chuckled. "Is the soothing balm working?"

"Yes and I'm glad it is! Those cuts were quite pa—sensitive." The princess said, suddenly catching sight of the ponies as they entered. "Hello, my little ponies. Little sister, it's good to see you. Spring Water, thank you for your kindness. I'm sorry to have troubled you."

"It's my calling, Your Highness. I'm glad it wasn't worse." Spring Water said in a tone that might have been mistaken for accusatory if addressed to anyone else.

"So am I. Although to look at me you'd think I was one of those Camelu mummies!" Princess Celestia laughed.

Teagan didn't. The bandages hid the glorious mane of light, although her tail still blew in the imperceptible wind. Her wings were about the only part of her that weren't bandaged, but even one of _them_ was wrapped in white cloth strips.

Spring Water bowed and left the armory, shaking her head.

"I'm so sorry, Princess!" Teagan said, hanging her head. "I tried but I wasn't fast enough."

"Lady Teelo, you saved my life." Princess Celestia said gently. "If you hadn't managed to distract Discord for those crucial seconds I wouldn't be standing here right now. You were very brave to do that. Thank you."

"Well, you might not thank me after you hear the rest of it." Teagan said grimly. Suddenly she was the focus of every eye.

"Rest of it?" Princess Celestia asked carefully. "What did you do?"

"Used your kingdom as stakes in a winner-take-all wager with Discord." Teagan said, wanting to say it while she was still angry enough to dare. Looking at the wounded alicorn made it much easier.

"Excuse me?" The Princess asked, _knowing_ she couldn't possibly have heard what she thought she'd heard.

"I know, I know. Stupid. But you had fled and Princess Luna was down and my friends weren't moving and I just didn't know what else to do!" Teagan said in a rush. "So I challenged Discord to a battle of wits. Us against him."

"Who, exactly, is _us_?" Rainbow Dash asked to break the silence.

"Me and the six of you. But I can ask any pony in Equestria for assistance. They can't take part in the fight but they can supply plans, supplies, weapons, or whatever.

"No problem! We grab the Elements of Harmony, zap old chaos-breath with the Mighty Rainbow of Friendship and be back home in time for lunch." Rainbow Dash said with a grin.

"Yeah, about that." Teagan said uncomfortably. "You guys can't use the Elements to defeat him."

"Say _what?_" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, horrified.

"After he's defeated you'll be able to use the Elements to turn him to stone, but if you try and use them before then—well you'll die."

"What do you mean, Lady Teelo?" Princess Celestia asked in a tone that demanded an explanation.

"There's enough light to see them here. Look at each other's necks." Teagan was not looking forward to the explanation that was going to follow.

"What the hay is that?" Applejack asked looking at Fluttershy's neck. "Looks kinda like a black cutie mark shaped a necklace. Ah ain't ever seen one around the neck afore tho."

"We've all got them." Twilight said. "What did Discord call them? A tattoo? You know what they are, Teelo?"

"Yes. Tattoos aren't really cutie marks, they're pictures humans put on their skin using a needle to push ink down deep in the skin where it's permanent. But I think _these_ tattoos are magical. They aren't really tattoos at all."

"Oh my." Princess Celestia said in a concerned voice. "Lady Teelo are those tattoos what I think they are?"

"Yes." Teagan said heavily. "Barbed wire."

"So what happens if we use the Elements of Harmony before defeating Discord?" Twilight asked, although Teagan bet she already knew.

"Well, going by what happened to Princess Celestia—" She hesitated. "Going by that I'd say the necklaces transform into the same living barbed wire that attacked her."

"Ulp." Twilight swallowed. "And then?"

"It cuts off your heads." Teagan answered softly, closing her eyes.

"I don't want my head cut off." Pinkie Pie said in a trembling voice. "I need it to eat cupcakes and stuff."

"So wait. How do we know these things will come off if we do manage to beat Discord?" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"If we defeat Discord it should disrupt all the magic he cast, like the tattoos." Teagan said. "Plus the fact he promised. He's never broken his word, has he?"

"No." Princess Celestia said carefully. "But he's never been so vicious before, either. You also have to be careful dealing with Discord, Lady Teelo. One misinterpreted word can spell disaster."

"Well, I'm open to suggestions. In fact I'd _love_ somebody else to take over because I have _no _freaking idea what I'm doing. I've only gotten this far with beginner's luck and it can't last."

"How long until you must face Discord?" Princess Celestia asked her.

"I don't know. But he's not exactly the patient type." Teagan replied.

"He said he would be waiting at the Graveyard of the Forgotten, in the Forsaken Forest. That's northeast of here, near the border of the Griffon kingdoms." Twilight said. "Even by chariot it would take five or six hours to get there."

"I fear we have little time then." Celestia murmured. "No more than an hour or two at best."

"Twilight, you're the genius. Any ideas?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"If it wasn't for Discord's magic I bet the six of us could take him." Twilight said slowly. "But his magic is too strong, not even Princess Celestia could stand against it."

"He caught me by surprise, my faithful student. Still, I must admit he bested me." The princess said reluctantly. "And by the rules I cannot face him with you."

"Well, while you guys talk strategy I'm going to find a weapon. Maybe I can be the monkey wrench in Discord's gears. Sun Hammer, would you help me please?"

"Aye, lassie."

"Sun Hammer?" Princess Celestia interrupted in a sweet friendly voice.

"Aye, Yer Highness?"

"Give her _any_ weapon she wants my dearest friend. Anyweapon at all."

"Oh, aye." He grinned, baring his huge teeth. "Nothin's ta guid fer the lairge lassie if she can but clout yon nyaff aboot the heid. Maybe clout it aff, aye?" He laughed merrily, a sound that promised mayhem and murder.

The two of them left the eight other ponies discussing strategy and tactics. Teagan hoped Princess Celestia had learned a few nasty tricks in a thousand years that she could pass on to Twilight. Nasty enough to ruin Discord's whole day…

"Tell me, lass, what kind o' weapons are ye happiest wi?"

"Got any guns?"

"Nae, what be those?" He asked as he limped along beside her.

"Guess that would be a no, then." Teagan sighed. "Maybe a crossbow, but I want something in case I have to get up close and personal. I have a feeling a crossbow bolt would just bounce off Discord anyway. I'm even amazed you have _any_ weapons."

"Well, A hae ta say most o' the weapons A keep are from the auld days. Back when ponies were nae so friendly laik. But they be fer ponies, ya ken?"

"What do you have I can use? Even a stick would be better than nothing."

"Ah, well A think A can do ye better than a stick, lassie. Thay cart all manner o' odd weapons from thae crabbit fowk ta ma doorstep. Got maself a fair collection, so A dae. A keeps 'em locked away, 'cause some be magical and bealin tae be kept by cuddies, ye ken. Watch yer step aboot some o' 'em, lassie. They bite if ye turn yer back, so thay dae."

"Are they alive?" Teagan asked, surprised.

"A jalouse mayhap's the case." Sun Hammer admitted. "Some be honest wood an steel, ye ken, shaped tae thair maker's need. Others—well, the forging o' such be a matter fer mages, nae the laiks o' this cuddie. Who kens the mind o' a mage of another fowk?"

He unlocked a door, how Teagan didn't see. There seemed to be no key involved, just a set of small levers. He'd used his mouth, but other than that she was clueless.

"Welcome tae ma lair, lassie. Watch yer step."

They walked into a fair sized room with display cases and racks for various strangely shaped weapons on the walls. The hair on the back of Teagan's neck immediately stood on end and she looked around nervously.

"Oh, aye. Ye can feel 'em, cannae ye?" Sun Hammer said approvingly. "Guid lass. Mayhap the Bridge o' Days is nae so decrepit as A feared."

"Something's watching us." She said. "The magical weapons?"

"Aye." He nodded. "Can ye spot yon craiturs?"

"That one." She said, pointing to a large dark iron club lying on a sturdy table. "I can feel it staring."

"Oh, aye. That be Crush. Nasty bit o' work." Sun Hammer said and there was something in his voice that made Teagan turn to look at him. He was staring at the club with up-curled lip, glaring with lowered head. It was clear he didn't like Crush.

"Does it bite?" She asked. She stepped closer for a better look.

"Nae, the great lump just lies there like a stone. Biding its time, most laikly." Sun Hammer said disdainfully. "Took four strong Earth ponies tae drag it here, it did. Took twenty unicorns tae lift it onto the table."

"It doesn't look that heavy." Teagan said, surprised. "It looks like something I could actually use."

Sun Hammer brayed in amusement. "Oh, aye? The Troll King's own weapon and ye could wield it then? That A'd laik tae see!"

"Wait, Troll King? Didn't you say something about the Troll King when we first met?" Teagan asked, trying to remember.

"Aye, that's me. Sun Hammer, daith o' the Troll King. Ma finest hour—how A became Champion o' the Sun. An the ruin o' ma life."

"Did the Troll King do that?" She said, waving at his scars.

"Aye, lassie, so he did. With Crush." Sun Hammer nodded. "O' course he was aimin' tae cave in the Princess's skull for her whilst she was busy doing some magical thing tae save Equestria. A had sommat tae say aboot that, ye ken." He chuckled, a sound without much amusement in it.

"A was a bonnie fine loun, in me prime, proud as a rooster and twae as quick tae fecht, so A was. We set to, an twere a glorious battle. Oh, ye shoulda seen it, lassie! He tore out ma eye wi his claws, and mangled my ear fer me. I broke his leg fer him an just as A was turnin' back he roasted ma left foreleg wi some Trollish spell. Well, that made me bealin, so it did an A charged straight in laik a damn fool, looking tae tear out his throat wi me teeth cause A was aff me heid from the pain o me leg. He could nae use Crush wi me on top, tramplin' him, so he started clawing at me. Tore me up right proper he did."

"He managed tae knock me off him and was bendin' ower tae pick up Crush when I landed a fair kick to his heid and did tae him what he was planning tae dae tae the Princess."

"You killed him?" Teagan asked. She wasn't shocked like she expected to be. Maybe because it sounded like a fair (if brutal) fight.

"Aye. Saved Equestria, an saved the Princess. Lost me life in the doing o' it, tho."

"What?" Teagan asked. "But you're still alive!"

"Oh aye, A'm still breathin'." Sun Hammer said dismissively. "A still eat, A still walk. But I'm dead all the same. Dead to pony kind. Princess Celestia's been the only pony who still calls me friend after that day. Well, tae be fair, Princess Luna sees me nae different than any other pony, but all the others shun me."

"Why? You're a _hero_." Teagan said angrily.

"Aye. But a killer all the same. And that's a road A can't come back from. Ye ever killed afore, lassie?"

"No." Teagan said.

"It changes a pony." Sun Hammer said. "A'm not the same pony I was before that day." He shook his head, sending his mane flying.

"Ye plannin' ta kill Discord?" He asked casually.

"I—I suppose I am. After what he did to Princess Celestia he deserves it." Teagan said, seeing the Princess bleeding in her mind's eye and feeling her anger flare.

"Aye, A suppose he does. But let me lairn ye this, lassie. When you're standing against him and the fecht runs hot in yer blood, if yer gonna kill him, ye gotta mean it. Ye ken? When pushin' comes tae shovin' and you're stuck all fankle in it it's too late fer half measures. Ye better mean it, or ye will nae be coming back. That's as fair as A can speak, A swear by Celestia her blessed self."

He stared hard at her.

"Dae ye mean it, lassie?"

"If I have to fight him he won't be hurting anyone else ever again." Teagan swore, and meant it.

"Fair enough. Let's see how ye fare with Crush then. Go on." Sun Hammer pointed his nose at the club.

Teagan grabbed the club by the handle and froze as she felt a stirring in her mind.

Eyes opened inside her head and stared at her. They weren't angry eyes, but she felt them studying her. Waiting.

_Can you kill a god?_ She asked the eyes silently. They blinked once, clearly not expecting the question.

_Can you?_ The voice echoed through her body, rumbling like an earthquake.

_He hurt my friends. He tried to kill one of them. I'm not going to let him do that again. _Teagan felt her anger growing as she once more remembered Celestia bowed, bloody and defiant. _Whatever it takes, Crush._

The eyes closed and the silent voice spoke again.

_We shall see._

Teagan came back to herself, still gripping the dark iron club by the handle. Tentatively she tried to pick it up, amazed when the three foot length of knobby dark iron rose in her fist like it was made of paper.

Sun Hammer backed several steps, clearly shocked to his core.

"I dinnae believe it!" He said in a stunned voice. "Four strong earth ponies it took tae drag that here! How are ye doin' that?"

"We came to an understanding." Teagan said. "I need some way to carry this."

"On the table, lass. The long thing wi the rings." Sun Hammer shook his head in disbelief as Teagan slid the club through the rings and nestled the head of the club at the base of the scabbard. She weighed the combination in her hands, guessing it weighed maybe a couple of pounds. Shrugging she slung the scabbard over her shoulder and shortened the carrying strap until it was comfortable.

"Sun Hammer, I've never been in a real fight before. We've got maybe a half hour before we have to leave. Any advice?"

"Aye. A'm sending ye to yer daith." Sun Hammer said gloomily. "A just hope Discord knows less about the fecht than you do, lassie. Or you'll last aboot as long as grass on the fire."

"Less gloom, more advice." She said.

"Aye. With yon club, ye got three things ye can do. Ye can dodge your opponent, and that's not to be mocked, it'll keep ye alive! Second, ye can block a weapon wi it, but that means ye'll be in trouble if your enemy knows what thair aboot. Or third, ye can hit 'em."

Sun Hammer grinned cheerfully and proceeded to spend fifteen minutes telling Teagan exactly _where_ to hit them. He made sure she understood what would happen when she did it right and how badly dead she would be if she did it wrong. When he was done she was a bit green from how graphic his descriptions had been.

"Now, lassie, ye ain't ready to face him, but ye are gonna dae it anyways, so go to it." Sun Hammer said gruffly. "A'll be asking any kindly spirits tae watch over ye but fer Celestia's sake, remember tae _duck_ ye bampot O'Gara! Remember what A said aboot fechtin' fair?"

"It'll get me killed." Teagan said. "Cheat like crazy if I want to live."

"Aye." Sun Hammer nodded. "A'm not saying guid bye, ye ken? Ye be Lady Teagan o' the Clan O'Gara and I expect ye tae come back and tell me aboot it how you came back and he dinnae! Now go knock that nyaff's head off!"

"Thank you, Sun Hammer." She hugged him. He blew her hair lightly, just like a pony from home would have done.

"Let's get back to the others. Maybe Twilight's got a plan by now." Teagan said, letting go. "You know something, Sun Hammer? I would be proud to call you friend, and have you call me Teelo."

"Oh, aye?" The pony asked, studying her. She nodded, firmly. "Well then, Teelo let's see what nasty business yer friends hae cooked up fer yon nyaff."


	12. The Long Flight

Chapter 12 – The Long Flight

Teagan and Sun Hammer found the group listening to Twilight as she outlined something. The ponies looked up when they entered.

"Oh my. Really, Sun Hammer?" Celestia asked as she saw the club slung over Teagan's shoulder.

"Did ye nae say _any _weapon, Yer Highness?" Sun Hammer grinned at her.

"Crush wouldn't have been my first choice." Princess Celestia said drily. "Lady Teelo I'm amazed you could even pick it up, much less carry it so effortlessly. It seems I underestimated you. My apologies."

"Well, let's just say Crush decided to wait and see." Teagan said, blushing. In truth the club was so light she had forgotten she was carrying it.

"So what did I miss?" She asked Twilight.

"We've been working out a plan of attack and I think we might have something." Twilight said in a serious voice. "We just need another distance attack."

"Oh that's _easy_." Pinkie chirped. She went over to the corner and came back carrying her saddlebags in her teeth.

"Where did you—never mind." Twilight sighed, shaking her head.

"What?" Pinkie asked after putting down the saddle bags and giving her friend a curious look.

"It's Pinkie Pie, Twilight. You know we don't ask anymore." Rainbow Dash said, laughing.

"Yes, but—_arghhh._" Twilight growled and sighed again, giving up. Pinkie was busy rooting around in her saddle bags, buried up nearly to her hindquarters.

"Well they are _magical_ saddlebags, Sugarcube. Mayhap that covers it?" Applejack tried to comfort Twilight.

"Here it is!" Pinkie said triumphantly, backing out of her saddlebag and bringing a large pink tube as long as she was out with her.

"Is that a—" Teagan began in disbelief.

"Meet my little friend!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. "I call her _Little Pinkie!"_

"Um guys—" Teagan tried again.

"Of course that's not her full name, Silly." Pinkie said to Teagan. "Her full name is Pinkmania Yourdyingfora Pie!" Pinkie reared up on her hind legs, laying the tube over her shoulder. She peered into a small telescope on the side of the big tube, aiming downrange where an archery target was standing.

"Oh God! Back away! _Don't_ get in front of that thing _or_ behind it if you want to live!" Teagan shouted as she frantically covered her ears and backpedaled.

The panic in her voice made the others skitter back nervously, giving Pinkie plenty of room.

"Hey Twilight, think this will get old Meanie's attention?" Pinkie asked, laughing. There was a roar and a blast of flame came out the back of the tube. The archery target simply vanished in a rain of hay and splinters.

The silence that followed was profound.

"A pie did _that?_" Rarity asked, aghast.

"Of course it doesn't shoot pies, Silly." Pinkie said cheerfully. "That would be ridiculous."

"So what does it shoot?" Twilight asked from where she was lying on the floor, her hooves covering her head.

"Rock cakes! Filled with rocks from the Pie family rock farm!" Pinkie beamed at everyone.

"That's a rocket launcher." Teagan said dreamily. "Where did you get a rocket launcher, Pinkie?"

"Rockettes? Small rocks?" Pinkie said, tilting her head. "Well, I talked to Dr. Hooves and told him I needed a way to speed up getting ready for my parties and this was his first attempt. Of course it's a little _too_ fast…" She considered the remains of the archery target. "Mr. and Mrs. Cake would get really mad if that happened to Sugarcube Corners."

"You think?" Rainbow Dash asked sarcastically. Pinkie Pie nodded.

"But I don't think _I'll _get mad if it happens to that big ol' Meanie that hurt the Princess!"

She said it with a cheerful smile. Everyone else shifted uncomfortably, looking at her.

"What?" Pinkie asked, confused.

Sun Hammer looked at Little Pinkie and then at the target, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Yer Highness, dae ye mind if A hae a quiet wird wi the guid Doctor?" He asked. "A be thinkin' it might be useful…"

"As you wish, Sun Hammer. But—discreetly." Princess Celestia said carefully, looking at the remains of the target.

"Oh, aye. A'll be the soul o' tact, so A will." There was a gleam in his eye and a tiny smile playing around his muzzle.

Twilight stood up carefully.

"Well, does that do the trick, Twilight? Huh? Does it?" Pinkie asked, patting the tube.

"Yes it does, Pinkie. That gives me an idea. Listen up ponies…"

Ten minutes later they were on the move. Luna had teleported out to ready their chariots, while Sun Hammer escorted Princess Celestia to her chambers, refusing to leave her unguarded while she slept. Well, unguarded by _him_. His opinion of the Royal Guard was as obvious as it was unprintable.

The other ponies headed back to the Ghrian Suite to gather their belongings for the trip. Teagan changed out of her dress, thankful it hadn't been damaged in the excitement.

She really _loved_ that dress.

She changed into her mission clothes, choosing the long legged pants and taking her jacket because Twilight told her the trip was likely to be a chilly one. Their destination was much further north than Canterlot, and higher in altitude.

She left her pack, knowing Pinkie's magic saddlebags were large enough to carry her share of the food and water. She didn't eat nearly as much as a pony since she weighed a quarter what they did. Crush was bulky enough; she didn't want to be burdened with her pack as well.

A young green colt with fluorescent pink main and tail was sent to guide them to the chariots. This time Teagan found herself paired with Applejack for what Twilight said would be a five hour flight.

"Might as well get comfy." Applejack said. "Never much cottoned to these here flyin' contraptions. Us earth ponies like ta have our hooves firmly planted."

"This is my first flight in an open chariot." Teagan admitted. She gripped the loop as their chariot took off. She also wasn't happy that the back of the chariot was completely open, having only a chain across the opening to prevent passengers from falling out. The chain was at her knee height since the chariot was designed for ponies. The chain hit them exactly half way up their legs. The chariot was comfortably wide, and had blankets attached to the sides so they couldn't blow away.

At least they'd be warm. In mortal danger, but warm. She was _so _glad she wasn't afraid of heights though…

"I haven't gotten a chance to know you very well." She said, striking up a conversation.

"Looks like we got five hours ta talk." Applejack said smiling. "Reckon we can get to know each other right well afore we get there."

The first hour was spent on the usual. Applejack talked about her farm, her family, the kinds of things she liked to do for fun. Teagan reciprocated, telling her about her family, school, and her hobbies.

"Ah still can't get over the fact you're not growed up yet." Applejack commented. Ah'm jes a little older than you, and Ah been helping run the farm goin' on two years now. Yet you still got three years of schoolin' left."

"Yeah. And probably four more of college after that." Teagan said, groaning. "Sometimes I think I'm never gonna get done with school. I think you got the better deal, actually."

"Well now, hold on there." Applejack said. "Ain't nuthin' wrong with schoolin'. Apple Bloom's still gotta ways ta go yet too but Ah reckon she'll be the better off fer it."

"Oh! I met your sister by the way, she's a nice girl." Teagan said. Applejack beamed with pride.

"She's a good little filly all right." The orange pony chuckled. "Her friends are good 'uns too. Sweetie Bell's Rarity's little sister, ya know."

"Yeah, I know. I met them at Rarity's shop." Teagan said, laughing. "You should have seen their faces when I stood up behind the screen. It was priceless!"

Applejack chuckled. "Woulda loved ta see that, right enough."

"Hey Applejack, can you tell me about the Elements of Harmony? I heard Pinstripe call you the Bearers. What's that mean?"

"Well, it's like this." Applejack explained. "There's six Elements of Harmony: Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Loyalty, and Magic. They's golden collars with a fancy shaped gem. Well, 'cepting fer Magic, that's a tiara. Anyhow, Ah'm the Element of Honesty."

"Let me guess, Twilight is Magic, right? And Fluttershy's gotta be Kindness. Oh, and Pinkie is Laughter?"

"Yup. Rarity's Generosity and Dashie's Loyalty."

"I can believe that. I haven't had much time with Rainbow Dash but Rarity's the soul of generosity. You saw her give me the broach at breakfast—and she'd just met me!"

"She's like that." Applejack said, nodding. "Course she can get a mite greedy on occasion, but Ah ain't never seen a more generous pony in all my born days."

"I have a question for you." Teagan said, turning serious.

"Ah'll try ta answer then." Applejack turned serious as well.

"You ponies are all really kind and helpful and you don't seem like the type that can fight. But Rarity told me some stories about Fluttershy I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't glimpsed her scary side. Are all of you like that? Friendly on the one hand but not afraid to fight on the other?"

Applejack considered for a few seconds.

"Ah reckon that's so." Applejack nodded. "Ain't your folk like that?"

It was Teagan's turn to think about it.

"No, not really. I mean maybe a few are. But most people either fight all the time or don't fight at all." Teagan said, trying to nail down exactly what she did mean. "I never really thought about it before. Your sister said it must be nice, not having monsters around. She was talking about dragons and manticores and stuff like that."

"We have a few big dangerous animals. I guess they might qualify as monsters. But most people won't ever see one. My country is really peaceful and settled. Places like the Everfree Forest exist but you _really_ have to go out of your way to find them."

"But we do have monsters, Applejack. Human monsters. They steal and they kill and they rape and they don't care who they hurt. Like Discord, the way he is now."

"Ah kinda figured your folk weren't like us, Teelo. Even you, you're not like a pony. You can think like a monster, and you seem real eager to fight Discord—maybe hurt him, maybe worse. Ah ain't saying yer evil or nothin', but it does make a pony wonder sometimes. Not to mention that barbed wire stuff."

"Yeah. Humans are kinda contradictory, I guess. There are some people like Fluttershy. Couldn't hurt a fly. There are a lot more like Discord. Mean, nasty, don't care about anyone but themselves, and don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want."

"Most humans though, they're not that good and they're not that bad. Kind of in the middle. Sort of like the ponies that ran away the first time they saw me."

"Ah reckon Ah knows what ya mean, Teelo." Applejack said, nodding. "Some ponies ain't brave, and they run at the first sign o' trouble. Ain't never understood that. Ponies gotta stand up fer themselves or might not be anypony else ta do it fer 'em. Ya run away all the time and sooner or later somethin' chasin' ya is gonna be faster. Then ya gotta fight."

She looked at Teagan in the darkness of the chariot.

"Ah gotta ask you somethin' mighty personal, Teelo. If'n Ah'm wrong Ah'll apologize right now fer thinkin' somethin' that ain't so. You and me, all of us, we're in so deep Ah reckon even if we ain't exactly friends we're as close to it as makes no difference. So Ah gotta ask."

"You're right about that. But I can't imagine what you're going to ask me that needed a build up like that!" Teagan chuckled.

Applejack took a deep breath. "The others dunno what they're lookin' at when they see you smile, Teelo. Ah mean Ah know you're friendly and your smile ain't fake, that ain't what Ah'm sayin' at all."

"My smile? I don't understand." Teagan said, completely lost.

"Not yer smile, as such." Applejack seemed unable to make herself ask what she wanted to. "It's like this. I have a dog named Winona. Do y'all keep dogs?"

"Oh yes. Dogs, cats, lots of other kinds of pets." Teagan said. "Why?"

"Well, it's like this. Dogs got fangs, right?"

"Yes they do. What's that got to do with me?" Teagan asked.

"So do you. They's tiny, but they's there." The orange pony said, not able to meet her eyes.

"Oh. You want to know if I eat meat." Teagan said with a sinking feeling.

"Yeah." Applejack looked down at the floor of the chariot.

Teagan took a deep breath.

"Yes, Applejack I do. I know that probably shocks you."

"Well, kinda. But I live on a farm, Teelo. I gotta feed Winona. I know all about it." Applejack said, still not looking at her. "Lot of the others don't, though."

"Like Fluttershy?" Teagan asked gently. Applejack looked up, surprised.

"Why do ya think Fluttershy don't know?" Applejack asked curiously. "She lives out by the forest. Some o' her critters are _ferrets_. She knows. She just asks the meat eaters not to hunt around her land. They go into the forest."

"Oh. I would have thought she would have been horrified." Teagan said. "Guess there's a lot about Fluttershy I don't know."

"That pony's a puzzle right enough. Deeper than a river." Applejack said with a hint of a smile.

"Um, if it's not impolite to ask, what do you feed Winona? She can't eat a lot of the things ponies do."

"Well, Fluttershy had a talk with her. You know Fluttershy can talk to critters, right?"

Teagan nodded.

"Well, Winona knows not to hunt around Fluttershy's place, and she knows rabbits are off limits period. Fluttershy was _very_ firm about that. When she can't find anything on her own I feed her fish, corn meal, and a few other things Fluttershy told me about."

"Um, how do you get the fish?" Teagan asked in spite of herself, unable to think how a pony could handle a fishing rod.

"Nets." Applejack said. "How does humans catch fish?"

"Well, they use fishing nets too, but most people use a fishing rod."

"What's that?" Applejack asked curiously.

Teagan started to explain, and stopped when it was obvious to both of them the subject was a lot more complex than it seemed.

About an hour before they were due to land the sun came up. Seeing it made Teagan smile. Since Celestia was the one who raised the sun she must be feeling better. She grinned at Applejack who grinned back.

"The Princess must be Ok." Teagan said happily.

"Looks like." Applejack agreed. "Must say that makes me feel a heap sight better."

"One down and one to go. You think we can take Discord?" Teagan asked.

"Sure hope so, Sugarcube. We got Twilight's plan and it's a clever bit o' tricky." Applejack said. "Never count out the power of friendship, even if we can't use the Elements o' Harmony. And then there's you and your club there." She nodded at Crush.

"Fightin' ain't never a sure thing, Teelo." Applejack said seriously. "But we got our friends and we just gotta trust 'em. Twilight knows what she's doin'. She's proved that more times than I can rightly remember. Ain't none o' us gonna let Discord get away with what he done."

"Yeah. But you guys have fought before. This will be my first time."

"Keep to the plan, Sugarcube." Applejack said reassuringly. "You and me, we might not even get a shot in if Twilight's plan works."

"Hope you're right. But if I do have to fight, you know I'm going to do my best to kill him, right?"

"Kinda figured." Applejack said in a neutral voice. "Gotta  
>say I ain't thrilled about that. But I know you ain't a pony, and Discord done wronged you worse'n any of us, Princess Celestia excepted. Just remember Sun Hammer, Sugarcube. You follow him and you'll walk a mighty lonely road. Something ta think about."<p>

"Discord tried to kill her, Applejack. I was standing there _watching_ and there was nothing I could do." She reached up and took hold of Crush's handle.

"This time I _can_ do something. He isn't going to hurt any of us ever again. I won't let him."

Applejack just shook her head as the chariots flew on.


	13. You Have To Mean It

Chapter 13 – You Have To Mean It

They landed about an hour's march from the graveyard so Discord wouldn't see them coming. Twilight went over the plan again and started casting magic. Nothing seemed to happen to the ponies in front of Teagan but the ones behind her vanished.

Twilight had warned everyone the spell was extremely limited. It wasn't true invisibility. It didn't muffle sound and it only made them invisible from a cone of about ten degrees straight ahead. The further they were from Discord, the better the spell would hide them.

Worse, it was only wide enough to mask their bodies and a foot or so to either side, and once they attacked it would vanish, leaving them fully visible.

Still, even with all the limitations it should give them the advantage of surprise, at least for their first wave of attacks. Without that they didn't stand a chance.

_Even with that it's gonna be crazy dangerous._ Teagan thought nervously, touching Crush for reassurance. She kept hearing Sun Hammer's voice in her head.

_But let me lairn ye this, lassie. When you're standing against him and the fecht runs hot in yer blood, if yer gonna kill him, ye gotta mean it. Ye ken? When pushin' comes tae shovin' and you're stuck all fankle in it it's too late fer half measures._

She shivered as she followed Rarity toward what would certainly be the most dangerous moment of her life.

The march was fairly easy, but nerve racking. Twilight choose a path as free of obstructions as she could, she'd stressed how important it was they not make any noise. The only sound was the occasional thud of a careless hoof. Each time it happened everyone flinched.

ooOoo

Once they reached the graveyard they found Discord lounging on a large monument, seemingly asleep. Rainbow Dash carefully crept behind some trees and quietly took to the air, getting into position. The ponies rearranged themselves as per plan. Teagan retrieved Little Pinkie from Pinkie Pie's saddle bag and the pink earth pony readied the weapon. Teagan whispered something in her ear and Pinkie flashed the girl a smile.

Everyone cleared out from directly behind Pinkie and Twilight's horn flashed a signal to the nearly invisible dot circling high over head. The dot above ceased circling and started getting rapidly larger.

Pinkie grinned a happy grin and the rocket launcher roared three times in a row. Her aim was good, all three shots hit home.

The first shot hit Discord in the head and flipped the snoozing Chaos Spirit almost in a circle, he reflexively grabbed the monument. His body sprawled across it, half on and half off. The second shot struck him in the back, half way between his arms and legs, knocking the wind out of him and making his eyes bulge comically. It also knocked him off the monument to land sprawled in front of it.

The third shot struck his chest when he reared up after having spotted Pinkie Pie's upright form. That shot blasted him through the monument, to land twitching some distance beyond.

"Everypony _down_." Twilight screamed as she watched Rainbow Dash nearly on top of the prone Discord.

Even as Teagan threw herself flat there was an almighty _boom_ and the world turned rainbow colored before the ground threw them a foot in the air from the concussion. All Teagan could see was a multicolored mushroom cloud. She stared in disbelief as debris came raining down around them.

"She _nuked _him?" Teagan asked incredulously, her voice lost in the windstorm that followed the blast.

The two unicorns were already on the move and Pinkie Pie had recovered Little Pinkie and was aiming at the heart of the cloud. Applejack stood up and got ready to charge. Teagan got on her back, feeling the rock hard body under her. She gripped with her knees, thanking her parents silently for letting let her have year of riding lessons when she was younger. She drew Crush as Applejack started running hard, straight into the rapidly dissipating cloud.

Discord was down, twitching. At the sound of charging hooves he shook his head rapidly and stumbled to his feet, blearily trying to pinpoint the still invisible ponies.

Suddenly his eyes started glowing and he pawed them desperately, as though something were in them. Rarity leaped at full gallop and spun in mid air, both rear hooves slamming full into Discord's chest. He went flying backward, to land flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him. Suddenly his prone body flew twenty feet into the air, paused, and then came slamming back down with considerable force onto a headstone. There was a loud _crack_ and he was suddenly bent backward at an unnatural angle cross the headstone.

He groaned, only to have Rainbow Dash dive out of the sky and spin at the last moment, both rear hooves slamming him at the juncture where his legs attached to his body. The blow was so massive it drove his lower body to the ground, the leverage of the headstone flipping his upper body upright—only to meet the forefeet of Rainbow Dash as she spun around and slammed them into his face, knocking his head back again. There was another _crack_ and his head hung at an unnatural angle.

Wasting no time the Pegasus launched herself back into the air in a blur of speed.

By this time Applejack was on the scene and running past him. Teagan swung Crush with as much force as she could, feeling the club suddenly turn massive as it slammed into the broken body of the Chaos Spirit.

Oddly, all the momentum of Applejack's run and her swing didn't throw them helter-skelter as she half expected. Instead Applejack slowed to an instant stop, without as much as rocking Teagan.

However, Discord's body went sailing into the air. At the height of its arc it suddenly changed course and accelerated sharply, smashing back into the monument, which crumpled under the impact.

Little Pinkie roared twice more and Discord flew out of the rubble of the monument and tumbled to the ground, where he lay still.

"Did we get him?" Teagan asked. "Have we defeated him?" Applejack started to trot over and the other ponies joined her.

Teagan hopped off and before anyone could react, swung Crush as hard as she could into Discord's exposed throat. Again she felt the club turn massive and there was a sickening crunch as it landed.

"Teelo!" Twilight shouted in horror.

"Best to be sure, Twilight." The girl answered, panting.

"Alas, poor Discord, I knew him well." A cheerful voice proclaimed from behind them. "I must say that was an absolutely first rate attack. Although I had no idea I pissed all of you off _that_ badly!"

They spun to find Discord grinning at them.

"Round two?" He asked innocently, his hands starting to glow.


	14. The Razor's Edge

Chapter 14 – The Razor's Edge

"Really Teelo, was _that_ supposed to outwit me?" Discord asked, tsking. "The lot of you fell for the oldest trick in the book! If this is the level of challenge you're going to offer me it's going to be a very short fight!"

He put up his mismatched hands in a classic boxer's pose.

"So? Let's see what you've got!" He invited with a grin.

A rock caromed off the back of his head, making him stumble forward. His eyes lit up and Little Pinkie roared again, knocking Discord off his feet.

"I actually felt that one." He said, laughing. He waved a paw and the light disappeared out of his eyes. "I'm ready for that trick now, Twinkle Sparklight." He sneered, getting to his feet.

"_Twinkle Sparklight?"_ Twilight screeched in rage. Suddenly Discord's feet whipped out from under him and he found himself dangling in mid-air before rapidly and repeatedly being slammed headfirst into the ground. The draconequus was laughing with each blow. Twilight paused, unsure of what was happening.

"I'm ready for that trick as well, you hack." He said between chuckles.

"Oh yeah? Try _this _one, Discord!" Suddenly the Chaos Spirit found himself in a rapid flat spin, spinning so quickly he couldn't see anything but a blur. Suddenly his flat spin started rotating at ninety degrees, the combined spins rapidly making him so nauseas he found himself violently sick.

Little Pinkie roared again and he went flying, still spinning to slam into another monument, smashing through it to land on the other side—where Applejack was waiting. She gave it her best shot and bucked him in the head with all her strength.

Discord shot upright from the force of the kick and swayed on his feet for a couple of seconds before his eyes quit spinning.

"Pretty birdies." He murmured, watching the little tweeting birds as they flew around his head.

"_Nopony._ _Hurts. My. Friends._" Looking down he found himself confronted with Fluttershy in full Stare Master mode.

"Not now, dear, I have a splitting headache." He said before she captured his gaze. Between the massive migraine and the remaining tendency for the world to spin Discord found it impossible to break Fluttershy's gaze.

"I try never to hate anypony, Discord, but you made that impossible, didn't you? You tried to hurt my friends, you _did_ hurt Princess Celestia and I'm going to hold you here and let Teelo bash you with her nasty club, you big Meanie! Bash you until you stop being a problem. And when she's done making sure you're not a problem anymore I'm going to call all my sharp-toothed woodland friends and tell them it's time for s_upper._"

From the corner of his eye he saw Teagan march forward and raise her club. There was a grim look on her face.

With a supreme effort he materialized a pair of sunglasses on his nose, blocking his view of Fluttershy's eyes. As Teagan raised the club Fluttershy's hold on him shattered and he teleported away, just a few yards.

Unfortunately, he ended up right next to Rarity. The unicorn wasted no time spinning and landing a powerful kick to his hip. It staggered him. He teleported again.

Only to hear Little Pinkie roar and smash him in the back of the head, making him land on his face. His migraine grew worse, the rock cake that had smashed into the back of his skull adding its own voice to the crescendo of pain.

"_Enough!"_ He roared, leaping to his feet. He pointed an eagle talon at Pinkie Pie and blasted Little Pinkie with a lightning bolt.

It didn't have the desired effect. Instead of destroying the rocket launcher it caused Little Pinkie to malfunction and fire round after round straight into his face. Five rounds smashed into him before the rocket launcher fell silent. Each round made the headache worse and made him stagger backwards.

Enraged now he used magic to lift Pinkie off her feet and smash her into the ground several times. Limp and unmoving the pink pony flew to land a few feet from Discord in a boneless heap. Roots twisted out of the soil, trapping the unconscious pony against the ground.

Another kick struck home, this time to the back of his knee. The leg collapsed and a stab of pain shot through the joint making him roar in fury. He turned and backhanded Rarity with his lion's paw, spinning her half around and slamming her into the ground. She struggled weakly as roots exploded from the earth and engulfed her. Even the relatively feeble blow he'd managed left her half-conscious.

Glaring around and limping from Rarity's kick Discord found Applejack charging him. He smirked viciously and turned the ground under her feet into quicksand. Before she knew what was happening she had sunk up to her neck. Then the ground became solid again, trapping her.

A scream of rage from above warned him just in time and he teleported away as another mushroom cloud exploded upward from where he'd been. Snarling he swatted Rainbow Dash out of the air with a giant flyswatter, watching in cruel satisfaction as she hit the ground and bounced a couple of times, finally skidding to a stop. Roots grabbed the semi-conscious pegasus and held her, even pinning her outspread wings flat to the ground.

A huge monument flew through the air and smashed him into the ground. Screaming he smashed his way out and pointed a talon at the purple unicorn. Roots quickly ensnared her, forcing her head to one side and completely encasing her horn in gnarled wood. They yanked her to the ground and pinned her there. She could still glare at Discord from the corner of her eye, but couldn't bring her horn to bear, even if it hadn't been smothered in six inches of hard fibrous roots.

Discord felt himself knocked to the ground as a high-pitched feminine shout rang out. His lion paw was twisted behind his back and his head forced cruelly backward. He could see Teagan running forward, her magical club raised and glowing slightly.

It would have worked on a normal creature like a bear, or even a massive wolf. But Discord was, while admittedly a chimera, primarily a _dragon_, meaning he was long and snake like. This, unfortunately for Fluttershy, included a snake's tail. Discord snapped his tail around her neck, wrapping it around several times and began to _squeeze._ Choking, the surprised pegasus released her hold just in time for Discord to roll out of the way of the descending club, which hit the ground instead of his face.

There was a hollow _boom_ and a cloud of dust exploded over the embroiled fighters, hiding everything from view.

Teagan froze, trying desperately to see through the choking dust the club had raised. Suddenly Crush was knocked from her hand and she was seized from behind and lifted into the air, Discord's hands high on her chest.

"Stupid girl." Discord whispered in her ear, squeezing sensitive flesh under his hands. Realizing _where _he was holding her the girl's face blazed in embarrassment and her hands tried to pull the paw and the talons away.

"You look so _fierce_ with a club, but we both know the truth, don't we little Teelo?" The voice whispered. "You're just a helpless little girl pitted against a _god_. You might as well relax, you can't fight me. Because _I know your weaknesses, Teelo."_

His light hearted chuckle sent slivers of ice through her soul. As the dust finally settled a terrified Fluttershy, her beating wings keeping her weight from strangling her, was thrust into view, still held aloft by Discord's snake tail.

"You think you're a grownup, you stupid little tramp?" Discord snarled, pressing her back against him. "You're just a child! Proud and dim-witted and vain! But one flaw rises triumphant over all the others! You know what it is, don't you Teelo? Your _modesty_."

"I was there when you were cowering in your blankets, afraid to let anyone see your disgusting bare skin! I listened to every word. Religious duty, hah! As if any god would let a pathetic mewling coward like you serve them!"

"_I _am the only god of this world! Me, Discord, lord of Chaos! And you're nothing but a worthless bag of bones, you grubby, diseased _monkey_."

"I'm going to show all of Equestria just how worthless their heroes really are. A simple spell, little girl, that will let every pony in the world watch the end of this fight. Oh, and of course your _dear _Princess Celestia will get a front row seat, along with her _entire court!_"

"Celestia! Can you hear me you filthy brood mare?" He shouted to the sky. Teagan watched in horror as the sky seemed to split apart, turning the entire vault of heaven into a gigantic screen where Princess Celestia and Luna stood magnified to hundreds of times their normal size. The view pulled back to reveal all the elegantly dressed ponies of the court, whose faces now reflected horror at what they were seeing."

"Oh, God." Teagan whispered.

"Yes? Oh, you weren't talking to me. Sorry." Discord said, chuckling in abrupt good humor.

"Celestia! See your beloved ponies? They've been defeated, along with your dear Lady Teagan Laoise, scion of the so-called _Clan_ O'Gara! Gang of chattering monkeys, the lot of them!" Discord shouted up at the sky-spanning image.

"Now watch as I humiliate your champions and claim my final victory, you old nag!" He screamed.

"Poor little Teelo." He whispered in a voice that echoed through the sky. The talons stopped squeezing her as the lion's paw spread, claws sliding out to pin her entire chest and force her back against Discord's body. The talons caressed her face, gently pulling the hair away from her face. They slid down her neck to her shoulder and under the cloth of her shirt, where Discord suddenly ripped through the cloth with razor sharp talons. She gasped as she felt him tear the garment in half, ripping it completely off her.

"Ooh, did the big Meanie rip your clothes?" Discord whispered, his words echoing across the sky. "Well, might as well give you a matched set!" The talons ripped at her legs, destroying her pants. Teagan started to sob. She was mortified this was happening in front of every pony in Equestria, she couldn't move, she couldn't _think_. The humiliation was too much to bear. As the talons gently unbuckled her sandals and tossed them out of the graveyard entirely Teelo let out a despairing wail.

Fluttershy made several choking sounds of protest, her eyes running with tears as she watched her friend shamed in front of her.

The talons pulled the strings of her bra open and discarded the garment behind them. It then started on the ties over her hips.

"No! Please stop! _Please_!" Teagan did her best to fight, but her last shred of modesty was stripped away and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Discord dropped the weeping girl to the ground contemptuously and teleported a few yards away.

"So much for _Lady Teagan!" _He shouted up at the ponies watching horrified at his cruelty. "Did you know there's one area of their body they really do need to cover? Their _feet_. She said if they hurt a foot, they're lame! Well, they're really lame even when their feet aren't hurt, but that's another story."

He chuckled.

"Lady Teagan! You're free! Why don't you grab Crush there and try to brain me again? Or are you too embarrassed because they can see you _naked?_" He laughed a deep booming laugh that signaled imminent loss of control. Lightning flashed across the sky and the tree branches started whipping around in a massive chaotic wind that seemed to blow from all directions at once.

"Oh, but there's your bare feet to consider." He said in mock concern. "You don't dare because you might hurt your little tootsies!" Suddenly, hundreds of glass bottles of all descriptions were floating in a thirty foot circle around the mad Chaos Spirit.

"Oops." He said with a smile, letting all the bottles fall in a tremendous smashing of glass, leaving a five foot circle of jagged broken bottles surrounding a thirty foot clearing with him and Fluttershy in the middle.

"You cowardly bare-skinned monkey!" He mocked her. "Your pitiful excuse for a god didn't even see fit to give you fur! What makes you think he even _exists?_"

"You know, Celestia," he said conversationally, directing his attention to the viewers in the sky, "the only reason you ever stood a chance against me were those pesky Elements of Harmony. But my little friend tells me the Elements have a grave weakness—_literally_. They can regenerate, of course, and are really hard to damage…" He grinned.

"However, they do have one critical weak spot. It really couldn't be helped of course, the creation magic had to enter some place, and the entry has been extremely well warded. That artifact really is a magnificent work of elegant artifice. You're to be congratulated, and I do mean that."

"But every artifact has to have one fatal weakness that can destroy it forever. Chaos collects its tab in the end, no matter what."

"It turns out if you manage to kill the Bearer of the Element of Kindness in a cruel enough way, while the other Bearers watch helplessly, the entry channel that fuels the artifact will burst from the stress. That spills the internal spell structure. Sort of like gutting a deer, really." He smirked.

"Oh, but you ponies wouldn't know about that, you sniveling vegetarians! So let me explain how it works so your feeble minds can comprehend."

"If that happens, the elements crumble into dust. Now ordinarily I wouldn't _dream_ of doing such a dastardly deed. But you dared imprison me for a thousand years, and tried to make it two thousand and it was so _deadly boring_ I thought I would go mad. Perhaps I did, Celestia. Perhaps that's why when Nightmare offered me a way out I took it, even though the price was dear Fluttershy's life, torn from her in the most prolonged and awful torture you can imagine!"

"Letting you watch is just my little reward to myself for your hubris. You meddled with forces you didn't truly understand, and you grew proud."

"And now, Celestia, everything you knew, everything you made, everything you ever loved, dies. And it's all because of _you_."

"Shall we begin, my dear Fluttershy? I'd say this wasn't going to hurt but I do so hate to lie." He smiled and his eyes turned red. He waved a hand and an abomination rose from the ground, full of needles and sharp snipping scissors and scalpels. Fluttershy panicked when she saw it, struggling against the tail around her neck and nearly escaping. Discord frowned and grabbed her with his eagle talons, getting a good grip around her neck.

"Sorry, my lovely little pony, but in a few days you won't be quite so presentable—of course by that time you'll be—"

Teagan didn't remember grabbing Crush; she didn't remember sprinting toward Discord, all she could remember was the blinding pain in her feet and the utter bone-deep certainty she was going to save Fluttershy.

The sound of crunching glass made him turn to see a naked Teagan with Crush held in both hands, feet streaming blood, glaring at him, her long red hair whipping wildly in the chaotic wind.

"You're bleeding." He said in a teasing voice, knowing she would faint from the pain before she could attack him.

"I don't have time to bleed." She answered, bringing Crush around in a strike that ended against the elbow joint of his eagle's arm.

Discord howled as the joint snapped with a sickening crunching noise. Fluttershy pulled free from his suddenly limp hand, and bolted, Teagan didn't have time to see where she went as she prepared to hit Discord again. She planned to _keep on _hitting him until he stopped moving. _Forever._

ooOoo

In the throne room everypony watched as Discord stripped Teagan and her complete breakdown afterward. They might not have understood _why_ but every pony felt her horror at what had been done to her and many were moved to tears.

Sun Hammer stood impassively at the base of the dais, the only hint of emotion his slightly narrowed eyes and unblinking stare. No pony could hear the grinding of his teeth.

Celestia and Luna watched the horrible machine that was intended to inflict hideous agony on the pink and yellow pegasus rise from the ground. Celestia felt sick inside, knowing what the machine was and what it would do to her beloved little pony.

There was a gasp when everyone noticed Teagan grab the magical club and come to her feet, radiating a fury that few of them had ever encountered. They watched open mouth as she charged across the field of broken glass, blood flying with every step and they saw her slam Crush against Discord's elbow.

"_Gie it laldie!_" Sun Hammer bellowed in savage glee, striking the ground repeatedly with his front hooves in the pony version of applause, the razor edged steel shoes nailed to his feet striking sparks from the marble.

That's when the magical viewport rippled and tore apart, ending the picture.

"Sister!" Luna exclaimed. "Does that mean—"

"Yes!" Celestia's horn flared as she grabbed the saddlebags that contained the Elements Of Harmony and threw them on her back.

"Luna! The catapult! Use it _now!" _Celestia commanded, spreading her newly healed wings and crouching.

"**ALL PONIES BRACE FOR AN EARTHQUAKE!" **Luna's magically amplified shout rang across Canterlot. "**PEGASI INTO THE AIR! EARTH PONIES AND UNICORNS BRACE YOURSELVES! WE ARE ABOUT TO ROCK THY WORLD!"**

Across Canterlot startled ponies scrambled to obey the moon princess.

"**EARTHQUAKE IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE, _NOW_.**"

In the throne room Celestia snapped her wings downward and leaped toward the throne room's vaulting six story ceiling. Equestria, the sun, and the moon slowed a tiny fraction of a millimeter per year and the accumulated energy was focused into the spell the two sisters were casting in concert. Both alicorn's horns flared into an incandescent blast of light and Celestia vanished just before she would have slammed into the ceiling.

The momentum gave Celestia's teleport an insanely powerful boost—one that would have killed any normal unicorn that tried it. She flung herself through the non-place, hoping against hope she'd arrive in time…

The castle and the city experienced a short sharp snap, as though the earth had twitched to dislodge a bothersome fly. It tossed some ponies off their feet and brought masonry down across the city.

It was a miracle no ponies were crushed by falling debris.

ooOoo

Discord gaped in disbelief as horrible pain shot up his arm. It refused to heal, leaving the Chaos Spirit in agony.

"You actually hurt me!" He squealed in high pitched incredulity. Then his eyes blazed red.

"Hurting me was a _mistake!_" He roared, rearing up and prepared to smash the insolent girl who'd dared to hurt him. His lion paw, claws extended and spread wide, was poised to tear her open.

But even as he had been threatening her Teagan was bringing Crush around in a strike that buried itself in Discord's stomach, sinking half way to his back bone and knocking the wind completely out of him. The impact folded him over like a deflated balloon.

The girl used the bounce of Crush off Discord's stomach to let her spin in the opposite direction and build up momentum in the club.

The club arrived at Discord's jaw just as the monster's head came down, snapping his head around hard enough to snap his neck. Instantly, Discord collapsed at the panting girl's bloody feet.

"It doesn't hurt anymore!" Discord said, pleased. "Hey, I can't move!" His eyes widened. "I'm not healing! Why aren't I healing? What have you _done?_"

"Crush tells me the injuries it inflicts can't be healed by magic." Teagan said flatly, her rage and pain and fear all fusing into one pulsing mass of blinding ferocity. She couldn't feel her legs any more—she couldn't feel anything except the fire burning inside her skin, consuming her.

She raised the club, which blazed with a bloody scarlet flame. "Sun Hammer told me if I got in a fight and planned to kill you I'd better mean it."

"You know what, Discord?" She asked calmly, almost serenely.

"Now, Teelo, let's not do anything _hasty!" _the paralyzed draconequus said desperately.

"I _really_ mean it."

She brought the club down with every bit of strength and fury she had in her.

As the club descended the sky split open with a mighty roar and the world turned white.


	15. The Butcher's Bill

Chapter 15 – The Butcher's Bill

As the club came down and the world turned white Teagan felt the massive club slammed aside by some unstoppable force that even Crush couldn't ignore. She screamed in rage as the iron club slammed into the ground instead of Discord's skull.

The explosion of dirt from the crater was enormous. She was thrown backward, fully expecting to land in the broken glass but something caught her and kept her from hitting the ground. Discord's body was thrown upward by the blast, flopping back bonelessly into the crater.

"Ow!" He complained as his jaw slammed into the crater's edge.

When the dust cleared she found herself floating in mid air next to Princess Celestia, who was looking at her with a sad and concerned expression.

"Why did you stop me, Princess?" Teagan asked, tears streaking her face. "After what he did to you, what he did to me, and that _thing_," she pointed to the torture device, "he was going to use on Fluttershy? He deserves to die!"

"Oh thank goodness you arrived in time, Celestia! That madwoman was going to murder me in cold blood!" Discord said in relief.

"Discord, shut up." Celestia said calmly. "Your fate still hangs in the balance."

Teagan looked at her quizzically. "Princess?"

"Discord took your choice away from you when he brought you here, Lady Teelo." Celestia said gently. "I gave it back to you when I let Sun Hammer give you a weapon. But I don't want you to suffer the same fate he did, being forced down that long lonely road with no way to come home. You still have the choice. If you choose to kill Discord, then so be it. But your choice won't have to be made in the heat of battle like Sun Hammer's was. No one should choose to kill in the heat of the moment when there's no time and emotion runs high."

"So you won't stop me?" Teagan asked, tightening her grip on the club.

"No. If you choose to kill him I won't try to stop you. But before you decide I want to ask you a question. If you kill him how do you keep from having become him?"

Teagan gaped at her. "That's just _stupid!_ He's evil! He hurt innocent creatures that never would have hurt him at all! He was going to torture Fluttershy for _days _just to destroy the Elements! I would _never_ do that!"

"Before you came here would you have seriously considered killing anything?" Celestia asked gently. Teagan flinched under that sympathetic gaze, suddenly reminded of her nudity. But Celestia wasn't looking at her body she was looking at her soul…

"No." She admitted.

"So Discord has changed you already, has he not? If you kill him doesn't that mean he succeeded in making you a killer? Doesn't that mean he won this final battle?"

"A rather pyrrhic victory." Discord muttered in the background.

Both alicorn and human ignored him.

"There is also the matter of his accomplice." The alicorn continued.

"What?" Teagan asked, jerking alert. Her feet were killing her and she was feeling cold and light headed.

"The demon Nightmare aided his escape, Lady Teelo. The demon influenced Discord just as it influenced my sister. I could have killed Nightmare Moon but I chose to try and save my sister instead. A decision I celebrate with every breath I take."

"Discord won't stop." Teagan said, watching the alicorn.

"I know that." Celestia nodded. "It is his nature, he can't change his nature."

"Then why let him live?" Teagan asked. "What excuse is there to harbor a poisonous snake like him?"

"Is it Discord we should hate, or the demon Nightmare?" Celestia asked quietly. "If any being deserves to die, surely it's Nightmare who has caused so much grief over the centuries?"

"Then show me this demon thing and let's kill it." Teagan challenged.

"It hides in him." Celestia said, indicating Discord.

"Me? But no demon could possess me!" Discord scoffed. "I am the Spirit of Chaos! Nothing can control me!"

"Really?" Celestia asked, looking him in the eye. "We have known each other for over a thousand years my old enemy. In all that time I never saw you deliberately hurt anything. Accidental deaths from your chaos, yes. But you never _tried_ to murder another creature like you did Lady Teelo or Fluttershy. Not in all the years we have fought."

"Yes, well spend a thousand years sealed in stone, Celestia. Then tell me how you'd be the same pony after you got out." Discord snarled. "Where do you get off lecturing me, _Princess_? You stole the world from me! Before you ponies came the world belonged to me and beautiful chaos was everywhere! Now look at what you've made of the world you stole from me! You _tamed_ it! You've stamped Chaos out of every last corner of the world. There's none left!"

"Ponies have a right to live, Discord. I have always tread on this world as lightly as I possibly could, changing only what I must." Princess Celestia said, unperturbed.

"Your tread _destroyed_ my world, Celestia!" Discord said bitterly. "You took it away from me, destroyed everything, and now there's no place for me in it except as a stone statue to decorate a garden no one visits! Light tread indeed! Nightmare was right about you, right about _everything_."

The bitterness in his voice made Teagan's anger cool just a bit. Until she saw the machine intended to kill Fluttershy. That brought it back full force.

"Put me down." She said.

"Are you sure, child?" The princess asked sadly.

"I'm sure." She said quietly.

The weight on her feet made her gasp harshly, each step she made forced her to clamp her jaws together to keep from screaming. Four hobbling steps in Hell brought her to Discord.

"Tell me, Discord, who came up with that machine?" Teagan asked, gasping for breath. She felt like she was going to pass out.

"Nightmare." He said, mismatched eyes glaring at her.

"Why'd you agree to make it?" She used Crush as a cane, taking some of her weight on her undamaged heels and the point of the club, relaxing as the screaming agony in her feet subsided to mere fiery anguish.

"I wanted to be free again." He said. "Wouldn't you? Do you know how long a thousand years is? Nightmare showed me some of your history. A thousand years ago the Europeans didn't even know your country _existed_. They thought the sun circled the Earth, the cretins. They thought sickness was caused by evil spirits, they thought humans in other countries had mouths in their stomachs! _That's _how long a thousand years is! It's long enough for 50 great-grandparents, it's 15 human lifetimes! How'd you like to serve 15 life sentences one after another, unable to move, unable to see, but not asleep, feeling time creep along, but not knowing how much time had passed, one eternal second following another?"

"Is that true?" She asked Celestia.

"I don't know." Celestia admitted. "To keep my little ponies free of torment I and my sister had to imprison Discord for eternity, lest all pony kind be destroyed. We knew the spell would encase him in stone, we thought he would be inert."

Teagan didn't say anything, enjoying the burning in her feet as a lesser pain than she had known as glass ground and slashed its way through her flesh with each step.

She studied the machine Discord had built at Nightmare's direction. Everything about it breathed hatred of life, from its dark color to the jagged edges of the saw blades designed to restrain the pegasus in maximum agony. It was horror distilled and made real, a nightmare made flesh.

She thought about being trapped for a thousand years and what she might become from that. The pain she was suffering now was bearable, but what if she were pain free for a thousand years, but blind and deaf, all alone and unable to move?

_Well?_ She asked the club, sending her thoughts toward the closed eyes.

They opened, regarding her indifferently.

_Why do you ask me? Kill him and have done with it. _The voice rumbled through her, unheard by anyone else. _I exist to kill my Master's enemies. That is my entire purpose. I know not nor care about their suffering. I seek only to end them. Of course that ends their suffering, but how long my Master chooses to let them live before killing them is not my concern._

_You're a lot of help_, she thought with sardonic amusement.

_I am a weapon, not the hand that wields it or the mind that guides the hand. I do what I was made to do and leave my Master to do likewise._

_So, do you have any powers you haven't revealed yet? Can you kill a demon? _She asked.

_I have never been wielded against one before. But I am made to kill. If a demon can die then I can kill it. If it cannot die then I might still destroy it, if it can be destroyed. I am the weapon of a king, my Master. I was made by the most cunning wizard ever born to the Trolls. But even though you are not a Troll, you possess a will equal to any of them. I will serve you, I will acknowledge you as my Master, but do not ask of me that which I cannot do._

_All right. Did your creator give you any knowledge of magic or demons?_

_No. I am the heart of the mountain, I can strike with the weight of a mountain, and nothing can break me. I can turn my weight in any direction I choose, and withhold it until commanded. These things I can do. I am aware of no others._

Teagan blinked. That sounded pretty impressive to her! Still, it didn't solve her problem.

"Princess Celestia, let's say for the sake of argument I was willing to let Discord live and kill Nightmare instead. How can we pry the demon out of him? How do we make sure it doesn't jump into someone else?

"When the Elements of Harmony strike Discord then Nightmare must flee the light or be destroyed by it." The princess answered. "So long as no one is close to Discord Nightmare cannot jump into anyone else because Nightmare cannot abide the light of the sun for long, lest it be destroyed."

"What about that thing." Teagan nodded toward the torture device. Celestia's horn blazed and the thing shot high into the air, and became a vanishing speck lost in the sun.

"I have sent it to plunge into the sun, Lady Teagan." Princess Celestia said calmly. "The sun's light will burn out all evil from it, and the final plunge will vaporize it until there's nothing left."

"Kill it with fire writ large." Teagan quoted from a website she'd read once. "Too bad we can't solve our Discord problem the same way."

She sighed.

"I'm very tired, Princess Celestia. Would you pick me up please? I can't take another step. I guess you could say I'm completely lame."

"Of course, Lady Teelo." The alicorn replied with a gentle smile.

Teagan felt herself lift off the ground, the fire in her feet subsiding at last. With a sigh she watched Celestia spread her wings and lift gently into the sky until they were both ten feet off the ground. Celestia backed away, and was joined by Fluttershy.

"Teelo, thank you so much!" Fluttershy was crying and shuddering so badly she could barely fly. "If you hadn't—"

"It's ok, Fluttershy. That nasty thing got dumped into the sun, it's gone forever." Teagan said tiredly. "I'm sorry too, you caught him twice for me and I just didn't move fast enough to deal with him. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Lady Teagan." Princess Celestia said firmly. "Discord alone is a match for my sister and I, or all six of you using the Elements of Harmony. Without them you were no match for him—but you defeated him anyway. Your victory is the most amazing thing I have ever seen!"

Her words seem to cheer up Fluttershy and gave Teagan a thrill of excitement. The most amazing thing she'd seen in a thousand years? That was really saying something!

"What about the others, Your Highness?" Fluttershy asked. "Can you free them?"

"Yes. Now that Discord's magic is broken it should be simple enough. Watch."

Teagan found herself floating toward the alicorn who placed her gently on her back, forcing them both to maneuver a bit to avoid the alicorn's slowly beating wings.

"I need my horn to free them, Lady Teelo. Hang on tight!" Princess Celestia said as she landed gently and walked up to Twilight Sparkle. With a single touch the roots pulled back into the ground, freeing Twilight, who worked her neck gratefully. Another touch of Celestia's horn caused the twisted ball of roots covering Twilight's horn to vanish.

"Oh, that is _so_ much better." Twilight said gratefully, her horn lighting up. "Thank you Princess!"

"You're quite welcome my faithful student. Help me free the others."

"Of course." Working together the two had the others freed in a couple of minutes.

"Now, my little ponies, it is time to put Discord to sleep and destroy the demon lurking within him." Princess Celestia said as the Elements emerged from her saddlebags and floated to their respective bearers.

"His magic has been broken. Your barb wire necklaces are gone. You may use the elements now."

There were shouts of joy at the news as the ponies verified it for themselves.

"Listen, my little ponies, this is very important! I have just become aware that my sister and I did a great evil to Discord when we imprisoned him the first time, and you six repeated that evil unknowingly. We had thought Discord was inert while stone, but we were wrong. He was awake and aware the entire time."

The ponies gasped in horror.

"Yes. So when you wield the elements this time you must do three things before turning him to stone. First, you must repair his body. Lady Teagan and Crush managed to smash many of his bones and twist his body unnaturally. Normally injuries inflicted by Crush cannot be healed by magic. But the power of the Elements may not be countered by mortal magic, no matter how strong."

"After that you must drive the demon from his soul. You will know it when you encounter it. Drive it out and I will deal with it. Once that has been done force Discord into enchanted sleep, Twilight you know how this is done?"

The purple unicorn nodded.

"Good. Then, when all these things have been accomplished, _and only then_, imprison him in stone."

The process turned out to be totally anticlimactic. The six moved off to the side, they glowed brightly and a solid rainbow of light arched from them to strike Discord and lift him from his crater. Teagan shielded her eyes from her perch on Celestia's back but she couldn't see anything through the glaring light.

The only bit of oddness was a stream of black smoke that shot from the rainbow. It writhed for a moment before a spear of blinding light from Celestia's horn made it catch fire and burn away.

In less than a minute a white marble statue was standing near the crater Crush had made. Celestia walked slowly until they were close enough to see the statue clearly, mindful of the battered girl on her back.

"He looks—peaceful." Teagan said, studying the statue. The eyes were closed and the face relaxed with a slight smile on his lips. His arms were crossed across his chest and his whole pose looked as if he truly had fallen asleep on his feet, his tail bracing him so he didn't fall over.

"Isn't this a better ending than you becoming a killer, Lady Teagan?" Princess Celestia asked gently.

"Yeah. Now that it's over I can see that." Teagan admitted. "Didn't feel that way at the time though."

"It never does." Celestia sighed. "Now we have to treat your wounds, young lady. We're five hours from the nearest healer so I'm afraid it's going be rough and ready, and hurt more than a little. Applejack, Pinkie Pie can you channel the pain for her?"

"It'd be ma privilege, Princess." Applejack said firmly.

"For Teelo? Of course!" Pinkie Pie said with a broad happy smile, even though there was a burn mark between her shoulder and her neck, probably from where Little Pinkie had been struck by lightning.

"Fluttershy, I assume you brought medical supplies? We're going to need sterile sutures and bandages. Soothing balm would be extremely helpful too, if you have any."

"I brought as much as I could carry. I was afraid we'd need it." Fluttershy said, nodding.

"Rainbow Dash, I need you to fly to the chariots and tell them to come for us. Then I need you to fly all the way to Canterlot and inform my sister of what's happened so she can arrange for a healer for Lady Teelo and anyone else who needs more healing than I can supply with magic.

"My faithful student, I've already used up most of my magical reserve. I need to conserve the rest for emergency healing and to raise the sun tomorrow."

"Since I can't, will you cast the spells to remove the glass from Lady Teelo's wounds?"

"Of course, Princess." Twilight nodded, her face turning serious.

"And finally, Rarity, I'll need your delicate stitching to close the wounds in Lady Teelo's feet so the scarring is minimized. Will you do this?"

"I would be proud to do so, Princess Celestia. Although I must admit I've never sewn a living creature before. I will do my best for darling Teelo."

"I never thought I'd be wearing Rarity's stitchery _literally_, Teagan said, laughing to hide her nervousness. This was going to _hurt_ and they hadn't said anything about having anesthetic. Just something called soothing balm, which sounded like it was for use on the outside.

Still, Celestia had been badly sliced up and now there wasn't a sign of it, so maybe it would be ok.

"Let us begin." Celestia said gently. "Be brave, Lady Teelo. You faced Discord after running across broken glass. This will be _nothing_ in comparison to that."

Teelo found herself lifted gently in the air and spun onto her back, lowering gently to the ground. Pinkie Pie had produced a blanket from her saddlebags on which they laid the girl. A makeshift sawhorse held her ankles off the ground to keep dirt out of the wounds. Before they began Celestia treated Pinkie Pie's burn with magic, the burn fading to nothingness under the gentle glow of the alicorn's horn.

Everyone couldn't help but notice how Celestia's breathing got a bit labored during the healing, and how she hung her head afterward, still breathing hard.

After a couple of minutes she recovered and smiled at the concerned looks.

"Don't worry my little ponies. As I said, I've used a lot of magic today. I'll be fine. Pinkie Pie, Applejack please take your places."

The two ponies lay down on the blanket with their heads facing Teagan's sides, the three forming a large plus sign. Each pony laid her hooves on Teagan's bare belly. The feeling wasn't as harsh as she'd expected, it was almost as if they had flexible suction cups over their hooves.

"What are you doing?" She asked them curiously.

"Helping with the pain, Sugarcube." Applejack said cheerfully. "See when the pain comes up yer legs only a third of it will make it up to yer head. Pinkie 'n me will suck up the rest and channel it into the ground. That aways none of us feel more than a third of it."

"Wait, you're going to feel what I feel?" She asked horrified. "Applejack I can't let you do that! Nobody should ever have to do that!"

"Yer ma friend, Teelo. Let me ask ya sumthin. If it was me a lyin' there and you could do this for me, would ya?"

"Yes." She said, surprising herself at how easily the answer came. Applejack nodded.

"Then hush up and let Twilight and the Princess get on with it. The quicker it's done the sooner you'll feel better."

"Are you ready, Lady Teelo?" The alicorn asked where she lay near Teelo's feet so she could observe everything and apply healing magic where needed.

Teelo nodded, wondering how badly this was going to hurt.

"Then begin my faithful student. Use a visualization spell to find the glass shards and use your magic to draw them out."

Twilight nodded and did something that made Teelo's feet light up.

When her horn started glowing Teelo nearly blacked out. Pinkie Pie squeezed her eyes shut and tears leaked out.

"Horse apples!" Applejack yelled. "Twilight, what are yer _doing? _Feels like hot pincers!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Twilight said frantically. Teagan slumped as the pain stopped.

"There's too many pieces! Dozens!" Twilight was near panic, her eyes wide.

"Let me do it, Twilight." Rarity said in a firm voice. "I am used to dealing with delicate fabrics and handling multiple objects at one time. It is my talent, after all."

"Twilight, keep the visualization spell going. Rarity, are you sure?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Yes, Your Highness. I have a very delicate touch. Twilight is far stronger, of course, but I have much more finesse."

"Go ahead, Rarity." Teagan said. "You can't be any worse, and we don't exactly have a lot of unicorns to choose from." Teagan laughed shakily. "Twilight, no offense, but that _hurt_."

"I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you, there's just so much glass!" Twilight was near tears.

"Steady, my faithful student. To each pony the task best suited them." The princess said softly. "You be the eyes and Rarity the tongue."

"Yes Princess." Twilight said taking a deep breath.

"Ready?" Rarity asked the two earth ponies and the patient.

"Do it." Teagan said, closing her eyes and clenching her teeth.

This time the pain was negligible. It felt like someone was probing her foot with needles, but it was very bearable. Teagan opened her eyes and looked at Pinkie Pie, who was wincing occasionally, but smiling at the girl.

When she looked at Applejack the orange pony just shook her head and grinned.

"Shucks, this ain't nothin', honey pie. I hurt worsen' this after a really hard day o' apple buckin'. Long as it don't get worsen' this I might jes fall asleep."

"It isn't horrible." Teagan admitted, relaxing. As the procedure went on she could hear small clinks and tinkles as the pieces of glass landed on a plate placed to catch them.

"There, that's her left foot. All clear. Princess, it looks like there's some bleeding, could you please heal the inside of her foot?" Rarity said. "A piece of glass may have nicked a blood vessel."

"I see it." Princess Celestia's eyes were unfocused as her horn began to glow very softly. Teagan felt the pain fall to almost nothing in her left foot. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's amazing, Princess." Twilight said. Her own eyes were unfocused as she followed the spell her mentor was using. "You're using almost no power, but your control is unbelievable!"

"I've been practicing magic for a thousand years, my faithful student." Princess Celestia said with a chuckle. "I would be a poor mage indeed if I hadn't learned a bit in all that time."

"All right, let's wash the blood off and then apply soothing balm." Fluttershy said, opening a jar with her hoof. Teagan was just floaty enough to be mildly outraged.

"Fluttershy, how the heck are you opening a jar with your _hoof_? Teagan demanded. "That shouldn't be possible!"

"It shouldn't?" Fluttershy asked, gripping a brush in her other hoof.

"Well, no, you haven't got fingers." Teagan raised her own hand and wiggled her fingers. She giggled, feeling a bit loopy.

"She's going into shock, Rarity." Fluttershy said in a worried voice. "Pinkie, we need to cover her and keep her warm. Get another blanket."

"Okie-dokie-lokie!" Pinkie dove into her saddlebag and pulled out another blanket, which Twilight wasted no time covering Teagan with.

Teagan was feeling more detached from her body now, she barely felt Rarity stitching her cuts closed and she faded out for a while.

When she came back to herself she found a warm furry body pressing against her on both sides, and a blanket over her.

"Welcome back, Sugarcube." Applejack's voice said from her left.

"Mmm, is it over?" She asked drowsily.

"Yes, you were very brave." Fluttershy said from her right. "You've been asleep for most of the day. We've been waiting for you to wake up before moving you. You gave us a bit of a scare, but you're going to be fine. The Sun Shield is here and Princess Luna sent Spring Water."

"Rainbow Dash made it back to Canterlot in less than two hours! One of the guards told me the city was buzzing about her flight, she used several sonic rain booms to make the trip faster, nopony's ever done that before!"

"I'm thirsty, is there any water?" Teagan asked, not meaning to be rude but still a little out of it.

"Of course, here you go." Strong pony legs helped her sit up and gave her what looked like a wineskin. She took it and drank greedily.

"Wait, not too much!" Gentle hands took the skin from her. "You don't' want to make yourself sick, Teelo." Fluttershy admonished her gently.

Teelo felt a little chilly and remembered how Discord had stripped her naked in front of every pony in Equestria. She felt a bit of panic before discovering she was wearing her undergarments.

"How?" She asked, indicating the cloth.

"We found yer clothes, Sugarcube." Applejack said. "Course the lower ones was beyond fixin', Rarity said. But yer top one and yer underclothes weren't no problem. We knows how ya are about yer clothes so Rarity did her best fer ya."

"Thank you." Teagan said gratefully. "Where's my shirt?"

"Here you are, Teelo." Fluttershy said, handing it to her. Well, hoofing it to her. Remembering what she'd seen just before she passed out Teagan gently grabbed Fluttershy's hoof and examined the bottom of it.

"What are you doing, Teelo?" Fluttershy asked, puzzled.

"So _that's_ how you can handle objects with your hooves." Teagan said. "The edges of your hooves aren't hard!"

"Um, yes they are." Fluttershy gently corrected her. "The flanges fold up against the bottom of our hoof when we don't need them." She demonstrated and a soft flexible band of tissue unfolded, extending about an inch beyond the edge of the pegasus's hoof. It flexed several times, reminding Teagan of fingers in a mitten, and then folded back up into Fluttershy's hoof, completely disappearing.

"_Now _I understand! That's how you can carry stuff! It was driving me nuts trying to figure out how you did that."

"All ya had ta do was ask, Teelo." Applejack chuckled. "Ah'd a been glad ta tell ya if'n Ah knew you wanted ta know."

"It's been a really eventful trip. I just never got around to it." Teagan laughed, pulling the shirt on over her head. Since the undergarments were pretty much a bikini anyway Teagan decided she could pretend to be at the beach wearing a bikini and a shirt for her own piece of mind. She'd done it often at home.

The self-deception worked and she found it much more comfortable to be around strange ponies, even the stallion guards, dressed this way.

Nobody would let her walk anywhere. Her bandaged feet were very tender and Spring Water was adamant the stitches wouldn't hold if she tried to walk. So Twilight floated her first to retrieve Crush, who refused to allow itself to be moved by any pony, and then to the larger enclosed chariot that Spring Water had arrived in. It turned out the Earth Pony was afraid of heights and a completely enclosed chariot was the only way she could travel by air. Since it was larger it was a bit slower than the other chariots, but Teagan could comfortably lie down in it full length without having to worry about falling out.

It took nearly six hours for the return flight, slowed as it was by Spring Water's special chariot. The girl spent the time alternately dozing and chatting with the healer, who in human terms would have been in her late thirties.

The first thing she asked was how Princess Celestia was doing.

"Her Highness is feeling much better. She was able to sleep after your impromptu surgery. I must say I was very impressed with Rarity's ability. I'm told she extracted nearly three dozen pieces of glass from your feet, Lady Teagan."

"That many?" Teagan asked, startled. "I knew I was pretty bad but that's amazing! I barely felt anything. Of course I was pretty out of it toward the end. Hey, what's the deal about channeling pain? Pinkie Pie and Applejack were doing that for me."

"It's part of earth pony magic." Spring Water explained. "We have a deep connection to the earth you see. It makes us stronger than unicorns or pegasi, and it gives us certain abilities as well. Most healers are earth ponies because we can feel the flow of things through the body. We can also channel that flow. An earth pony can pull part of the pain out of someone and force it through their own bodies and out their rear hooves into the ground."

"Wow. Does the pony feel all the pain they channel?" Teagan asked, remembering how Applejack had yelled at Twilight.

"They do feel what they channel." Spring Water admitted. "But the more earth ponies that channel pain, the less the patient feels and the less the ponies themselves feel. A typical channeling team consists of five ponies."

"So they all feel one sixth the pain, including the patient?" Teagan asked.

Spring Water nodded. "That's right."

"But how can any pony volunteer to do that regularly?" Teagan asked. "I mean, in an emergency maybe, but as a _profession_?"

"Some ponies are willing to go above and beyond." Spring Water said. "Members of a channeling team tend to have naturally high pain tolerances anyway. Healers with low pain tolerance would never join a channeling team."

"I guess that makes sense." Teagan said.

The flight landed in the middle of the night and Twilight carried Teagan and Crush up to their suite, where Pentas and Lantana fussed over her and put her to bed. Pentas didn't have Twilight's sheer power, but she was still amazingly strong, able to easily lift Teagan into bed with her horn's magic.

ooOoo

It was a week before Spring Water said Teagan was healed enough to begin walking. They had recovered Teagan's sandals but Spring Water had dictated they were too rough for her still healing feet, so the Royal Cobbler, a stallion named Stitchwell had been commissioned to create a pair of soft supportive slippers for her.

It turned out the stallion was a master cobbler, and able to create shoes for nearly any species that visited Canterlot Castle. The other remarkable thing about Stitchwell was his coloring. Except for his cutie mark he could have passed for a normal Shetland pony—he was a bay with a black tail and mane.

In Equestria that made him practically unique.

After another week spent recovering Teagan was fully healed and ready to go home. She was eager to go.


	16. Epilogue

Chapter 16 – Epilogue

Her friends threw her a going away party and even gave her a few presents. Rarity gave her an embroidered backpack so she could take her clothes with her. Pinkie Pie naturally did most of the catering while the rest of the ponies had chipped in together and given her a set of miniature statues of themselves, made of some kind of fancy stone. The workmanship was even more exquisite than the broach Rarity had given her and each little statue was the spitting image of the pony (and one baby dragon) it represented. Even the wooden box the statues were nestled in was a work of art, warm wood stained and carved with Equestrian script she was told read:

_Nach bhfuil dearmad Capaill_

In order to return to Earth at the same location she'd left they had to travel to the Everfree Forest, to the spot she'd arrived in. When she protested there was no way she could find the spot again Princess Celestia had just laughed and told her that was the simplest part because of her strong bond with the Bridge of Days.

Crush had proven to be a problem. The club refused to be parted from her. When she'd left it in the armory the club had made itself so heavy it literally crashed through the armory floor _and_ the three floors beneath.

That's why Crush was slung over her shoulder, she was taking it back to Earth at both Celestia's and Sun Hammer's insistence. The princess assured her having Crush in the hands of an ally who could actually use it was politically more useful than keeping it in the armory. The princess confided it would make relations with the Trolls far less quarrelsome.

Sun Hammer had declared he'd be just as happy never to see the great lump again and good riddance to it. But he'd smiled as he said it.

So now she stood in the clearing along with her friends, dressed in shorts, shirt, and wearing Rarity's sandals. The goodbyes were tearful. She hugged Spike and each of the ponies, and even hugged Celestia and Luna who were there to open the Bridge for her. The Sun Shield pretended to notice nothing, staring straight ahead as they were so famous for doing.

"Goodbye, dear Lady Teelo." Princess Celestia said, her horn flaring. "We will miss you. Fare thee well."

An archway formed in the air. A rainbow hued tunnel seemed to arch away to a second portal, through which she could see her own bedroom.

"Good-bye everybody! It's been _amazing!"_ She said, taking one last look at her assembled friends. Then she turned and stepped through the archway. A couple of steps was all it took to cross the Bridge. As she stepped through the archway into her own room there was a gentle puff of wind. When she turned around the portal was gone.

"Well, so much for my adventures in Equestria." She chuckled to herself, picturing what would happen if she actually _told _anyone where she'd been.

"Come on, Crush. I want a bologna sandwich! Been too long since I've had meat!" She slipped off the backpack and let it thump to the floor. Feeling inordinately cheerful she clattered down the stairs and headed to the kitchen.

She was in the middle of spreading mayonnaise on bread when her mother shouted.

"Teagan! You're home!" She was grabbed from behind, feeling Crush mashed between her and her mother.

"Mom! Let go so I can turn around!" Teagan said, laughing, barely able to put the knife down before she was spun around and her mother buried her in a hug that said she was never going to let go. Teagan hugged her back, laughing, her mother was almost incoherent, laughing and crying at the same time.

She looked at the kitchen doorway as she hugged her mother to find her father and two strangers watching her. Her father looked happy and relieved, but he slumped against the doorway in a way that signaled exhaustion. There were lines on his face she hadn't remembered seeing there before too.

Once her mother let her go she rushed over to her father's embrace, squeezing him hard.

"We were so worried about you." He whispered, stroking her hair. "You've been gone for nearly three weeks, pumpkin."

"Wasn't my idea." She said softly, finally pulling away. She looked at the two strangers, a heavyset man in his mid thirties and a short slender blonde woman maybe a few years younger.

"Teelo? My name's Detective John Nickels and this is my partner Detective Sarah Long. If you feel up to it, we'd like to hear what happened to you."

"Hmm. I'm sure you would. But since I'm starved I'm going to make myself a sandwich first, if you don't mind. Would either of you like one? Bologna, cheese, and mayo." She said, smiling at them.

"Um, no thank you. But please, go ahead." In spite of his polite and casual demeanor Teagan noticed his eyes were taking in every detail, flicking here and there. She wasn't fooled, she'd seen the same behavior in Sun Hammer and she knew what it meant, because she'd asked the keeper about it.

She also noticed Detective Long said nothing, letting her partner draw the attention while her own eyes were taking in everything. Teagan bet these two were good at their jobs.

_That might prove to be a problem, _she thought.

Teagan finished making her sandwich, deciding on a double-decker. She used a steak knife to cut the sandwich diagonally in two. Crush opened its eyes in her head warning her that the two detectives were paying particular attention to the knife in her hand. Casually she put it in the sink. Crush's eyes closed and she went to the fridge and poured herself a big glass of diet Dr. Pepper. As good as the food in Equestria had been, they just didn't have anything like good old DP!

She took her plate and glass into the living room. Out of necessity and habit she used her foot to drag the ottoman over to the coffee table and sat down with her food. She'd been carrying Crush so long it was automatic. Chair backs and the club simply didn't mix well.

The two detectives settled on the couch across the coffee table from her and watched as she took her first bite of sandwich, washing it down with a heavenly slug of her soda.

"Been a while since you've eaten?" Detective Nickels asked her casually. She chewed with closed eyes and a dreamy expression, swallowing before she answered.

"No, I had a good breakfast this morning, why?" She asked, looking at the detective with an innocent smile.

"You really seem to be enjoying the sandwich." He observed in a friendly voice. "Like you haven't had one in a while."

"Well, it _has_ been a while." She took another huge bite to give herself time to think. She decided she wanted to play with them a bit before informing them she wasn't going to tell them what happened. It was a bit cruel of her but they were adults. They could take it.

"What's that across your back?" Detective Long asked, noticing Teagan had swallowed again.

"Oh this? It's a weapon." Teagan answered casually, taking another bite. Half her sandwich was gone now. She picked up the other half in one hand and her glass in the other to make sure the detectives saw her hands were full.

Sun Hammer had been a wellspring of useful tactical information, she reflected, chuckling inside. As she hoped her bombshell had been defused a bit by her full hands.

"A weapon?" Detective Nickels asked. "Aren't you a little young to be carrying a big gun around like that? Do you have a permit?"

The comment was so far off the mark it nearly made Teagan choke on her food as her laugher overwhelmed her. She just barely managed to keep from spitting out chewed sandwich onto the coffee table. Swallowing in between ineptly smothered giggles she finally managed to speak.

"It isn't a gun, Detective." Still chortling she decided against trying to drink, opting for a smaller bite of sandwich in case she started laughing again.

"Then what is it, exactly?" He asked patiently. She held up her sandwich to signal him to wait and swallowed.

"It's a club. Its name is Crush." She took another bite to stall the conversation further.

"Crush? You named your club _Crush?_" Detective Long asked blankly. She clearly wasn't expecting the conversation to take this bizarre detour.

Giggling again Teagan shook her head and swallowed.

"_I _didn't name it that. Why would I name a club Crush? That would be like naming a gun Bang." She took the last bite of her sandwich and followed it with the last of her soda.

"Ah! That hit the spot. I've been eating vegetarian for the last three weeks. Good food, but I _really_ missed eating meat." She beamed at the two detectives, who were looking at her with blank cop eyes.

"Oh come on, _really?_" She said laughing. "That look is straight out of a Law and Order episode! I liked the casual banter much better."

"Miss O'Gara, you've been missing for nearly three weeks. We want answers." His voice wasn't friendly anymore.

Crush opened its eyes in her head.

"You know, I learned an awful lot of lessons in the last three weeks, Detective. You know the most important one?" She asked with a friendly relaxed smile.

"No, why don't you tell us?" His partner replied in a tone that indicated she was losing patience. Crush was starting to pay attention to the two detectives now. Teagan ordered it to play nice. Crush growled but backed off just a bit. The fact everyone but her was oblivious to the drama made it even funnier.

"The most important lesson I learned, Detective, is that we seldom get what we want." Teagan's voice was still friendly, but her gaze was steady.

"We can do this here or we can do it downtown, little girl." Detective Nickels growled.

Teagan laughed at him.

"What, you're going to deal with a kidnapping victim by _abducting her_? Doesn't that strike you as a bit insane? And you can drop the intimidation, Detective. I've spent the last three weeks being intimidated by the nastiest, scariest, most _evil_ creature you can possibly imagine. Compared to him you're just a fussy little Yorkie. And the dog you're yapping at is a Rottweiler, Detective."

She stared at him, gaze steady. Not challenging, not aggressive, just waiting. The same eyes that Crush had studied her with. The lessons of the last three weeks were coming in handy today.

"All right." Detective Nickels finally said. "Let me lay it out for you, Miss O'Gara. Three weeks ago you vanished from your room. No signs of a struggle, no signs of forced entry, in fact no signs of any foul play at all. The next morning your frantic parents contacted the KCPD and reported you missing. Upon investigation it was decided to treat your case as a kidnapping. For the last three weeks Detective Long and I have been busting our butts to find some hint of what happened to you."

"So now, here you are, safe and sound in some outlandish outfit with a damned huge club slung casually over your shoulder, playing games with us."

He leaned forward.

"It makes me cranky when my hard work isn't appreciated, Miss O'Gara. It's insulting and we don't deserve it."

Teagan blinked, suddenly feeling guilty for her bit of fun. She sighed.

"All right, Detective. My apologies. The truth is I was kidnapped and taken out of the country by a madman bent on world conquest. He was evil and nasty and if it hadn't been for the good friends I managed to find he might very well have succeeded, because he was in league with a very powerful and evil force."

"In other words, this is _way_ above your pay grade. So for the peace of mind of everyone concerned, what _officially_ happened is I ran away from home, pick some plausible reason why, and finding the wide world wasn't as nice as I expected I came home after many madcap misadventures that don't warrant police involvement. End of problem."

"Uh huh." Detective Nickels nodded. "Now tell us the truth."

Teagan sighed, and then suddenly grinned mischievously.

"Tell me, Detectives, do either one of you believe in magic?" She asked, chuckling.

"Miss O'Gara I've had about enough of your games." Detective Nickels said dangerously.

"Just one more game, Detective. We play, and then I tell you the absolute truth. I will bet you after that you'll be only too happy to write up this incident up as a girl simply running away from home. Deal?"

"We'll see." Detective Nickels answered, promising nothing.

Teagan stood up and walked to the middle of the room where she drew Crush with her back to the detectives. She squatted and laid the club on the carpet, then rose gracefully and walked back to the ottoman.

"The rules are very simple, Detective. Go pick up Crush and give it back to me. If you can do that I'll tell you everything and spend the next ten years in a mental institution being poked and prodded. If you _can't_ then I tell you the whole story, you write this up as a runaway, and we part ways with a cheerful wave good bye."

"All I have to do is pick up your club and hand it back to you?" The detective said skeptically. "Why would I want to do that? What happens if you take a swing at me?"

"Your partner shoots me." She said calmly. "Besides, my mother would kill me if I got blood and brains all over her living room carpet. So difficult to get out."

"Teagan!" Her mother said, appalled. "I'm so sorry, Detectives! I can't imagine what's gotten into her! Teagan Laoise O'Gara, you stop this foolishness this instant!"

"It isn't foolishness." She said, not taking her gaze from the Detective. "But I'll tell you what."

She shrugged off Crush's scabbard and extended it to him. "If you can pick up Crush and put it in the scabbard you win. If you can't, I win. Deal?"

The man took the scabbard from Teagan and studied her.

"What are you up to?" He asked.

"Proving I'm not crazy." She answered, smiling. "Remember, you wanted to know, Detective. You're about to find out you should be careful what you ask for. Now go retrieve Crush. Or go back to your office and write up a _runaway comes back home_ report for your bosses. Your choice."

"Or I could just arrest you for obstruction of justice." He pointed out.

"Well, that would be really awkward when they find out about Crush." She started laughing, imagining the havoc the club would cause if they locked her up.

"Go do it, John." His partner snapped. "The sooner we're done with this the sooner we can deal with somebody who _needs_ our help instead of a spoiled brat."

He shrugged and Teagan turned to watch him. He bent down and grabbed the handle and was immediately knocked backward, landing on his butt.

"What the Hell?" He asked, scrambling to his feet.

"What happened?" Detective Long was on her feet, staring hard at Teagan, who had her back to the female detective. Her parents were staring at the scene slack jawed.

"Play nice, Crush." She called. "Like you did at the armory. The eyes in her head were disdainful. She laughed silently and bade Crush to obey. Sullenly the eyes closed.

The detective approached the club tentatively, reaching down for the handle carefully, braced against a sudden push. When he touched the handle and nothing happened, he tried to life the club.

And stopped, surprised. He tried again, using his full strength. The club didn't budge.

"Didn't eat your Wheaties this morning, Detective?" Teagan mocked him lightly. "Guess you should eat some spinach!" She hummed the Popeye theme to herself as the man tried to lift the club with both hands.

The club might as well have been nailed to the floor. Red faced and incredulous he turned to Teagan.

"It's a trick!" He said angrily. "What are you playing at?"

"No trick, Detective." She got up and walked over to the club. She picked it up easily in one hand and extended the other for her scabbard. Wordlessly he gave it to her. She sheathed the club and slung it over her shoulder.

"I win, yes?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.

"You win. Now tell us what happened." He growled.

"John!" His partner objected.

"You're welcome to try as well, Detective Long." Teagan offered. "Same rules. You pick it up you win, you don't I win. Want to play?"

"No. You've obviously rigged the floor with a magnet or something." The woman scoffed.

Teagan walked over to the coffee table and drew Crush, laying it on the table in front of the detective.

"There. No magnets, see? Now go ahead and try if you like. Crush won't hurt you, I promise."

The detective tried lifting the club with no better results than her partner.

"How are you doing that?" She finally asked.

"_I'm_ not doing anything." Teagan said. "Crush is. Believe it or not, Crush is a magical weapon. The reason you can't lift it is because it doesn't want to be lifted. Crush can make itself as heavy as it wants. Or as light." She picked up the club and sheathed it over her back, not even having to look any more.

"Ok, let's say you're telling the truth." Detective Nickels said sourly. "We'll write this up as a runaway coming home but I want to know where you've been for the last three weeks. How do you know this maniac that kidnapped you won't do it to some other little girl, huh? Then how would you feel?"

"He won't because he can't. I made very sure he'd never hurt anybody ever again. Well, Crush and I and my friends made sure." Teagan said flatly.

"Trust me, Detective if I told you the whole story you'd think I was crazy because the whole thing _is _insane. But that doesn't mean it isn't true. If you say I'm crazy, how do you explain Crush?"

"I'm trying very hard not to." The man said, shaking his head. "But we did our level best to save your life, Miss O'Gara. For all we knew you were already dead, but we did it anyway. You owe us an explanation at least."

"You promise you'll write this up as a runaway?" Teagan asked. The two looked at each other then the woman sighed.

"Yes." She said. "You obviously aren't going to cooperate; even assuming what you say is true. Now tell us."

So Teagan did—every single unbelievable word. She took them upstairs and showed them the figurines, the clothes, the backpack. Each time they protested the ponies were just a cartoon she tapped Crush and smiled.

Her parents didn't know what to make of it all, but they knew her well enough to know if she were going to lie to them she'd make up a far more plausible story than this. The detectives knew they were beaten; there was no viable alternative to her runaway suggestion.

"You do realize you can never talk about this to another living soul, right? They'd lock you up so fast your feet wouldn't touch the floor." Teagan said as the detectives were ready to leave.

"Give us some credit, Miss O'Gara." Detective Nickels growled. "You're just another runaway. Only you got smart and decided to come home." He nodded to her parents and strode away. Teagan couldn't help but think the two detectives were trying very hard not to break into a run.

"I just don't know what to think, Teagan. Ponies? A cartoon character that actually _kidnapped_ my daughter?" Her mom said, shaking her head. "That's absolutely crazy. And what about that thing." She nodded toward the club over Teagan's shoulder.

"Well, I certainly can't carry Crush around everywhere I go." Teagan said thoughtfully. "If I need it I can call and it will fly to me. But in the meantime I'd be a sitting duck. Would you be willing to let me take self-defense classes, Dad?"

"What, judo?" He asked, obviously not expecting the question.

"No." Teagan said thoughtfully. "I was thinking Krav Maga. I think Sun Hammer would approve."

That night, Teagan slept peacefully in her own bed. Very peacefully indeed, since Crush was lying right beside her…


End file.
